Wow. I have not been a faithful traveler on my journey to a new beginning for almost a year. . . but SO much has happened! Weight is still great. I have leveled out and am able to eat and live my new normal without much thought. Sure, I have days when I eat not-so-good-stuff or snack a bit, but those are rare. I have come so far that I do not want to jeopardize anything that could set me back. Detours are expected, learned from, and not allowed to become permanent road blocks.
The PhD is in the final stages. . . dissertation! Data has been collected, and I just ordered a transcription pedal to help the process along more efficiently. My goal is to be finished up in September with everything but the proofing and manuscript final touches. Then, it will be time to pursue the next stage in my career. It seems so surreal that three years ago I was in such a different place . . . this day seemed so far away and distant and "I'll worry about it later." Well, it's later. :-) Definitely have ideas with where and what I want to do . . .doing my best to be patient, focused, and tick boxes.
My new word is "centered." I am working so diligently to make this work my guide. To discuss the change and mental journey that I have experienced over the past year would be impossible. So much of the change is unable to be voiced. It is felt so deep in my core that it physically hurts. I can FEEL the change that has occurred. It is time to make leaps in my life. And the future is so bright that, as the song says, I gotta wear shades! One thing is certain: I cannot go backwards or stay stagnant. I must listen to the voices in my head and the feeling in my gut that are both saying that it is time to reach for my goals. The only thing that is holding me back is fear. Fear of putting myself and my hubs in a bad place, fear of failure, fear of not being able to pay bills, fear that I may not be able to accomplish something. . . .BUT I am more afraid of the what ifs. What if I DON'T try? What is I DON'T give it a shot? I CAN do this. The energy is palpable, and I need to harness it and let it fuel me as I go after what I want.
Of course, the hubs is so supportive, and we talk about where we want to go and how we are going to make it happen. We are on the same page and want the same things. Creativity is such a focus at the moment. . . .singing . . . voice over . . . craft . . . these are loves that I have neglected because so much of my life is work. That has to change. I cannot quiet that creative voice anymore. That is my voice and the one that should be heard the loudest and clearest.
So, with that, I am going to leave this as the last entry to this blog, and continue my journey on a new blog, on a new site, when the time comes. Overwhelming? Yes. Unsettling? Yes. Scary? Yes. . . .
But I have no choice. I have to continue on this journey; I have a map, and the directions are becoming clearer with each day . . . .
Until later. . .
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Direction
Well, things have been cruising along at an incredible pace, and life has been a whirlwind. I feel like I have been on a carnival ride, and every time I feel like it is slowing down and I may be able to get off and slow down a bit, WHOOOSH! It speeds up and I am holding on for dear life. The end of the school year was not the best - a lot happened. A lot. Friends were transferred, a friend passed away, administrators were moved, and the morale is just pretty low. We were all shell-shocked and in pain and trying to grasp it all and just surviving. I was just plain exhausted. I had been going full steam ahead since returning to school after surgery, not passing go, not collecting 200 dollars. Just going going going going going . . . I simply shut down for about a month. I didn't want to look or think about anything related to school or PhD. I watched more HGTV in that time than I probably have in the past year, LOL. I took Cira walking a lot and we did did a lot of geocaching. In fact, I am taking her caching later today. I need to clear my head and do some thinking, and being outside with her is the best. If you ever see me on a trail somewhere, I am probably singing or talking -- to her and to myself. It really is the best therapy. I am still not taking my anxiety/depression meds, and I am okay with that. I have a bit more work to do to try and control my bouts of manic-control, but I know that I can do it. When I feel like there is too much that I can't control in my life, I become obsessed with trying to control the things that I can. . . like my environment. This is why I clean like a crazed person sometimes, or I try to accomplish everything on my to-do list. Or, I sit at my desk rearranging papers until I feel that they are in a good place so that I can begin to work. Thankfully, my hubby puts up with my craziness and understands that I am working hard to get a grip some days. He is so incredible. This week I am feeling much better in this arena, so I hope to knock out some work and feel a bit more relaxed. It's all about direction. . . I will explain that later. :-)
I did pass my Comprehensive Exam -- WOOOT! It took just over two weeks to find out, but I was so relieved when I got the word. The relief that I felt washed over me, and I am sure fueled my crash. Of course, my sleep patterns immediately reverted to the up all night, sleep late habit. I am simply a night person, so I go with it in the summer. At this point, it is the least of my concerns. It is what it is, and I accept it.
However, PhD courses began on the 8th, and I am now beginning the dissertation phase! WOW! I can't believe that I am here already. I am pretty sure that I have my topic - writing instruction - so I am doing the preliminary research and preparing my reserch plan for presentation. It is so exciting and daunting, but Capella has broken it down into 16 milestones, so I just follow the steps and, at the end, I am Dr. BS! My goal is March - July next year. Lofty, yes. Will I be busy as heck? Yes. Will it be worth it? You betcha!
School - work - is busy, too. I am taking on a leadership role as our team leader, plus I have a lot of reworking of curriculum to do. I am teaching a few workshops throughout the year, as well. I am so OCD and a perfectionist, that I worry about being expected to know everything. I just want to inspire and lead people to find the best within themselves, despite the pressures that we face as teachers. There are so many factors working against our success and the only way that we can overcome and beat those obstacles is to work together. In fact, a colleague recommended three books to me, and I have been telling everyone about them. One is The One Word That Will Change Your Life. It is incredible, and such a simple thought to make a huge difference in life. My word is "direction". Every action and behavior, step and thought that I make must move me in the direction in which I want to head. Check them out. They really are inspiring. The other two are The Energy Bus and The No Complaining Rule. Both awesome. I have decided that there will be no Energy Vampires on my bus . . . they will veer me away from my direction. :-)
I am checking in to another venture, too: Voice over work. I am so intrigued and excited about this new opportunity. I took an intro course at the community college and got some incredible feedback. I have talked to several people in the area and in the business, and still have some preliminary work to do, but this is going to happen. It's all about direction. . . and this is a work-at-home option that will allow us to pursue our dreams. Stay tuned!
Surgery wise -- LIFE IS FREAKING AWESOME! I do not regret my decision one bit, and I am doing really well. I weighed in at 144.4 this morning, and I have been between 142-144 for the last week; that is quite different from where I was a year and a half ago. I bought a pair of size 4 capris at Walmart a few weeks ago, and actually teared up in the fitting room. Now, I am not trying to be a certain size or anything. My goal is 130. I will get there. I know that I will. Direction.
Eating wise, I try new things, but I steer away from fried and carbonated. Carbs are the lowest priority. I really stick to protein and fruit. Popsicles are a nightly treat, and sweet enough that I feel like I am having something yummy. I can have wine or certain adult beverages, but they are not a priority either. I can have a dollar chicken wrap from Wendy's and a few fries, but I can't imagine eating a big fast-food meal like I used to do. It physically makes me sick to think about it. I just visualize all of that fat and grease in my new body, and ugh. No way, Jose! Twizzlers are okay, but in moderation. Peanut butter and some ice cream still bother me, but if I really want a treat, the mini blizzard from DQ is okay. Truthfully, I don't indulge in those. I simply keep my goals in mind and the progress that I have made. I will have a 100 calorie snack as my treats. I buy individual portions of foods, too, to control portions. It may cost a bit more money, but you know what? I (and my hubby) am worth it! When I walk Cira and I can actually JOG (yes, JOG!) with her, my desire to eat that stuff goes right out the window. I eat small meals, not a lot of snacking. Maybe six small meals a day. If I need a snack, I have a protein bar to make sure that I am getting the protein that I need. I use protein shots to help with that, too. My hair is growing back, and all of the biotin I take has made my nails stronger, too.
A few people have asked me about having surgery and the best/worst of it. I can't think of a worst. Really. I told someone that I think it is kind of like what mothers say about childbirth . . .any of the bad parts just aren't remembered because the beautiful reward at the end wipes them out of memory. To me, I had surgery to jump start my new way of life. I didn't treat it like a diet and go back to my old way of living. I don't eat things that I know will make me sick. I don't want to throw up. I want to enjoy my life. It is a new way of thinking, so if you want to do it, know that your life MUST change to be successful. The other day I was cutting fruit in order to make a big fruit salad to eat throughout the week. I smiled to myself because a year ago, I would never had done that. It took too much time . . . I wanted snacks that I could grab and go. How time has changed.
The worst? I waited so long to check into it. Not thinking that I was worth it and that I was too far gone to ever make my life better. That I wasn't worth the time, money and, effort to make myself better. The best? ME. I am worth it, and surgery helped me to grow and change into a stronger person who recognizes that life is worth some struggle and change if we want to improve our situation. So, as I continue to learn how to live this new life, cope with my quirks and develop mechanisms to conquer them, and make my future happen, it's all about direction. If it doesn't help me go in the right direction, it won't be in my life. Direction. :-)
Until next time . . . . P&L
I did pass my Comprehensive Exam -- WOOOT! It took just over two weeks to find out, but I was so relieved when I got the word. The relief that I felt washed over me, and I am sure fueled my crash. Of course, my sleep patterns immediately reverted to the up all night, sleep late habit. I am simply a night person, so I go with it in the summer. At this point, it is the least of my concerns. It is what it is, and I accept it.
However, PhD courses began on the 8th, and I am now beginning the dissertation phase! WOW! I can't believe that I am here already. I am pretty sure that I have my topic - writing instruction - so I am doing the preliminary research and preparing my reserch plan for presentation. It is so exciting and daunting, but Capella has broken it down into 16 milestones, so I just follow the steps and, at the end, I am Dr. BS! My goal is March - July next year. Lofty, yes. Will I be busy as heck? Yes. Will it be worth it? You betcha!
School - work - is busy, too. I am taking on a leadership role as our team leader, plus I have a lot of reworking of curriculum to do. I am teaching a few workshops throughout the year, as well. I am so OCD and a perfectionist, that I worry about being expected to know everything. I just want to inspire and lead people to find the best within themselves, despite the pressures that we face as teachers. There are so many factors working against our success and the only way that we can overcome and beat those obstacles is to work together. In fact, a colleague recommended three books to me, and I have been telling everyone about them. One is The One Word That Will Change Your Life. It is incredible, and such a simple thought to make a huge difference in life. My word is "direction". Every action and behavior, step and thought that I make must move me in the direction in which I want to head. Check them out. They really are inspiring. The other two are The Energy Bus and The No Complaining Rule. Both awesome. I have decided that there will be no Energy Vampires on my bus . . . they will veer me away from my direction. :-)
I am checking in to another venture, too: Voice over work. I am so intrigued and excited about this new opportunity. I took an intro course at the community college and got some incredible feedback. I have talked to several people in the area and in the business, and still have some preliminary work to do, but this is going to happen. It's all about direction. . . and this is a work-at-home option that will allow us to pursue our dreams. Stay tuned!
Surgery wise -- LIFE IS FREAKING AWESOME! I do not regret my decision one bit, and I am doing really well. I weighed in at 144.4 this morning, and I have been between 142-144 for the last week; that is quite different from where I was a year and a half ago. I bought a pair of size 4 capris at Walmart a few weeks ago, and actually teared up in the fitting room. Now, I am not trying to be a certain size or anything. My goal is 130. I will get there. I know that I will. Direction.
Eating wise, I try new things, but I steer away from fried and carbonated. Carbs are the lowest priority. I really stick to protein and fruit. Popsicles are a nightly treat, and sweet enough that I feel like I am having something yummy. I can have wine or certain adult beverages, but they are not a priority either. I can have a dollar chicken wrap from Wendy's and a few fries, but I can't imagine eating a big fast-food meal like I used to do. It physically makes me sick to think about it. I just visualize all of that fat and grease in my new body, and ugh. No way, Jose! Twizzlers are okay, but in moderation. Peanut butter and some ice cream still bother me, but if I really want a treat, the mini blizzard from DQ is okay. Truthfully, I don't indulge in those. I simply keep my goals in mind and the progress that I have made. I will have a 100 calorie snack as my treats. I buy individual portions of foods, too, to control portions. It may cost a bit more money, but you know what? I (and my hubby) am worth it! When I walk Cira and I can actually JOG (yes, JOG!) with her, my desire to eat that stuff goes right out the window. I eat small meals, not a lot of snacking. Maybe six small meals a day. If I need a snack, I have a protein bar to make sure that I am getting the protein that I need. I use protein shots to help with that, too. My hair is growing back, and all of the biotin I take has made my nails stronger, too.
A few people have asked me about having surgery and the best/worst of it. I can't think of a worst. Really. I told someone that I think it is kind of like what mothers say about childbirth . . .any of the bad parts just aren't remembered because the beautiful reward at the end wipes them out of memory. To me, I had surgery to jump start my new way of life. I didn't treat it like a diet and go back to my old way of living. I don't eat things that I know will make me sick. I don't want to throw up. I want to enjoy my life. It is a new way of thinking, so if you want to do it, know that your life MUST change to be successful. The other day I was cutting fruit in order to make a big fruit salad to eat throughout the week. I smiled to myself because a year ago, I would never had done that. It took too much time . . . I wanted snacks that I could grab and go. How time has changed.
The worst? I waited so long to check into it. Not thinking that I was worth it and that I was too far gone to ever make my life better. That I wasn't worth the time, money and, effort to make myself better. The best? ME. I am worth it, and surgery helped me to grow and change into a stronger person who recognizes that life is worth some struggle and change if we want to improve our situation. So, as I continue to learn how to live this new life, cope with my quirks and develop mechanisms to conquer them, and make my future happen, it's all about direction. If it doesn't help me go in the right direction, it won't be in my life. Direction. :-)
Until next time . . . . P&L
These are head shots that I had taken to update my theater resume and profile. So different from where I was last year:
AND I AM NEVER GOING BACK!!!!!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Back at It, Again!
Well, it is only 11:36 and I am pretty positive that I will be in bed before 1:00 AM!!! That is a great start to my BDay, LOL! Of course, that doesn't mean that I will actually fall asleep, but I love knowing that the potential to sleep is there. It takes so long for my mind to shut down so that I can sleep. I just keep thinking about the huge to-do list that I have and creating a schedule in my mind of when and how I will complete everything on it. Then, I "erase" that schedule and create a new one. I sometimes wonder if going back on Zoloft would be beneficial, but then I quickly say, "No". I have been able to manage and keep myself from completely losing it in the past eight months, with only a few moments of complete meltdown proportions. . . and I love not being dependent on any medications. No more blood pressure issues and no more Zoloft. No more Excedrin Migraine or Advil to keep the migraines and arthritis pain away. Just my supplements and some Gas X strips (LOL). I know that I always get anxious when the end of something is coming near. I just want it to be over so that I can move on to the next stage or part. The school year is ending. . . and I just want to start planning for next year! So, I just need to keep my focus and work through a few more sleepless nights and I will be able to get myself in check. I have taken a few Unisom the past few nights, and they do seem to help a bit. I don't want to become dependent on them, though, so I am not sure that I want to keep taking them. We shall see.
Play rehearsal is going really well, and I am so excited! The cast and crew are fabulous. I REALLY hope some of you can make it to a show. If you do, stick around and say "hello" afterwards! And, let me know if you are coming so that I can tell everyone that my friends are in the audience! I mean, come on! When will you have another chance to see five women in the same ridiculous 80s bridesmaid attire? I do love performing, though. Hopefully, I will get to sing again soon. I will be doing some good ol' karaoke for my birthday, though! :-)
Weight is at around 154, so it is going down slowly, but surely. Saturday I walked several miles around Twin Lakes with Cira and did some geocaching while Glenn fished. I walked up the hill to the two picnic areas from the upper lake -- the hill near the small parking lot with the wishing well. I wasn't even out of breath!!!! We even jogged a bit!!! Now, I can't do a lot of running or jogging because the arthritis just hates it, but I can do a little bit. :-) Last night I came home and took Cira for a three mile walk/run/jog on the Five Star Trail and did some more caching. It felt SO good to be outside and not in pain while moving. I can't wait until this weekend --- I hope that I get the chance to do some more exercise. WOW! There is a phrase that I haven't said in a LONG time.
Food is pretty much what it is. I try new things if I want to try them, but I just don't think about food all of the time anymore. I get bored every once in awhile because I get into ruts as far as what I eat day-to-day, but I can change things up pretty easily. I would eat the same things every day before I had surgery, so that is not new; it's just that now I want what I eat to matter, so I don't want to just eat something to eat it or because it's convenient. I want to enjoy what I eat but I am very certain that when I do eat, it is something that will satisfy my need for food and what I am hungry for at the same time. Every once in awhile I just stop and think back to how far I have come in the past 14 months. . . the change in not only my physical person, but also my mental person is sobering, to say the least. And invigorating and exciting all at the same time. I am so blessed to be where I am and have the support that I do.
And with that, I will end and turn in for the night. Until next time. . .
Play rehearsal is going really well, and I am so excited! The cast and crew are fabulous. I REALLY hope some of you can make it to a show. If you do, stick around and say "hello" afterwards! And, let me know if you are coming so that I can tell everyone that my friends are in the audience! I mean, come on! When will you have another chance to see five women in the same ridiculous 80s bridesmaid attire? I do love performing, though. Hopefully, I will get to sing again soon. I will be doing some good ol' karaoke for my birthday, though! :-)
Weight is at around 154, so it is going down slowly, but surely. Saturday I walked several miles around Twin Lakes with Cira and did some geocaching while Glenn fished. I walked up the hill to the two picnic areas from the upper lake -- the hill near the small parking lot with the wishing well. I wasn't even out of breath!!!! We even jogged a bit!!! Now, I can't do a lot of running or jogging because the arthritis just hates it, but I can do a little bit. :-) Last night I came home and took Cira for a three mile walk/run/jog on the Five Star Trail and did some more caching. It felt SO good to be outside and not in pain while moving. I can't wait until this weekend --- I hope that I get the chance to do some more exercise. WOW! There is a phrase that I haven't said in a LONG time.
Food is pretty much what it is. I try new things if I want to try them, but I just don't think about food all of the time anymore. I get bored every once in awhile because I get into ruts as far as what I eat day-to-day, but I can change things up pretty easily. I would eat the same things every day before I had surgery, so that is not new; it's just that now I want what I eat to matter, so I don't want to just eat something to eat it or because it's convenient. I want to enjoy what I eat but I am very certain that when I do eat, it is something that will satisfy my need for food and what I am hungry for at the same time. Every once in awhile I just stop and think back to how far I have come in the past 14 months. . . the change in not only my physical person, but also my mental person is sobering, to say the least. And invigorating and exciting all at the same time. I am so blessed to be where I am and have the support that I do.
And with that, I will end and turn in for the night. Until next time. . .
Glenndini and I saying good-bye to the beach. . .
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Long Time, No Blog
Wow, it has been a really long time since I have written -- for several reasons. One, my PhD classes and life became INSANELY busy with statistics, Internship, work, and other obligations. I seriously ignored everything in my life except for a few events here and there, and my husband had to look at the side of my head almost every evening. The hard work paid off, though; I earned As for the final quarter of my course work, and will head into my Comprehensive Exams with a 4.0!!!! I could NEVER have accomplished such an awesome milestone without the support of my friends, family, fellow Doctoral Divas and Dudes, and my hubby. Thank you all for your words of encouragement, hugs (both real and virtual), and support. The Comps part of the process (phase two) starts April 8th. And, since I will pass the first time, dissertation begins in July!!!!
I am also FINALLY returning to the stage in May. I will be in Five Women Wearing the Same Dress at McKeesport Little Theater that opens May 3rd. PLEASE come and see this show!!! We have an incredible cast and production crew, and I am uber-excited to be working with so many awesome people. It will be worth the drive, time, and money for some great entertainment. I am not singing - it is a straight play - but the comedy is perfect! You will not regret it. :-)
As for the weight loss and surgery stuff, things are continuing to move along and go well. I am down to around 156ish. . . down 102 since I began the journey last February and almost 70 since surgery August 29th. My bloodwork was good last month; all seems in line and improving as far as blood levels and whatnot. My B12 was really high, so I have cut back on that. The hair loss is not as bad, either. I work hard to get my protein in with bars, food choices, the Nectar Syntrax drinks, and Provide shots, so that has helped tremendously. Take it one day at a time and follow Dr. Z.'s orders. It is working like a charm!
Currently, I wearing size 10 in pants, mediums in shirts, and a 36C for the girls. This is down from a 20/22 in pants, 2X or 3X in shirts, and a 42D for the girls. I feel great, and I am looking forward to establishing a workout exercise routine now that the schedule is a bit more open. Comps will be a challenge, but I will have one goal of writing the 50 page paper. . . not a bunch of weekly assignments and posts, so I am looking forward to that aspect of the craziness. I need to tone up a bit and build my endurance a bit. I hope to avoid a "girls lift" in the future, but that may be an unavoidable fact. I LOVE going into stores and being able to wear styles that I have not been able to wear for years, and I look forward to shopping now. Buying quality clothes has become something I enjoy because I know that they are better and will last a long time. And, they simply feel better. I have been buying undergarments at Victoria's Secret. Yes, they cost more. BUT the fit and quality are so much better. I have tried the styles and brands at Walmart, Kohl's, the outlets, etc., and they simply do not do the job the same way. I posted on Facebook about the Lucky Brand jeans that I just bought. HOLY MOLY! They are so ridiculously comfortable that I don't know that I will ever buy another brand. They are soft and feel like silk . . .it is silly sounding, but I did not want to take them off tonight when it was time to get ready for bed! I still have some weight to lose before I start to try and maintain, but I am very happy with the progress that I am making and the way that I have been able to uphold the changes that I have been making. Buying clothes that feel good are now something that I give myself, not as a reward but because my body deserves to look as good as it feels.
Eating has not been an issue, either. I introduce new foods to my diet periodically; if they are accepted, then I know that I can have them again. If not, I steer clear of them. I did have a few bites of Maggie Moo's ice cream tonight -- and that was enough. I stopped because I could tell that it was too much for me. Every once in awhile I have some peanut butter with some honey wheat pretzel sticks, but if I have a few bites and it does not settle well, then I stop. I do not understand why anyone would continue to eat something that they know will cause them to experience "dumping". Why torture your body when you have endured so much to try and make it healthy again? I love salmon and shrimp and scallops and tuna -- I eat those foods quite often. I still love broccoli and green beans, and do eat salad once in awhile. Carbs are around in small amounts - but I don't eat all of the potatoes or rice or cous cous first, like before. I have a little and focus on the protein. Desserts and snacks are around, too, but -- again -- in limited quantities. A bite or two gives plenty of satisfaction. While on vacation, I have found that I miss my nightly popsicles -- they were my sweet treat for the day many nights. I do not finish my dinners at all, and my leftovers can provide another meal for Glenn and I if we share them. It's hard to explain my mindset about food now. . . .it simply isn't my every waking thought. I used to be almost panicked about when and where I was going to eat, and always have snacks at hand. Now, I eat and enjoy what I eat, but I am not consumed (no pun intended) by the thought of food. I don't want to eat fast food because I know that it is not a good option. I can eat a grilled chicken wrap and a few fries once in awhile, but I would rather wait until I can have something better for my body. So different from where I was a little over a year ago. . . and so much happier of a place. I stop eating when I am full, and think of food more as something my body needs to live, rather than something that I need to live. It has been so freeing to notice that change. My mind can focus on other, more important things.
Not to mention comfort! I can cross my legs, sit Indian style, fit into movie theater seats and booths, curl up in spaces, wear heels, and just walk all day without the discomfort of before. I still have arthritis, but it is so much better than before. The pain level is phenomenally lower than before. I can wear shoes and boots, and enjoy it! Doors are sometimes so heavy that I do not have the body weight to open them without a bit of effort, and the wind on the beach the other day actually stopped me and moved me in my tracks! That was a new experience, for sure! I do not regret my decision at all, and I am so grateful for all of the happiness and change that has entered my life as a result. Next up -- outside of PhD and work stuff -- is to really think about trying to do more with singing. I love singing and need it to be a regular part of my life. More on that as I figure it out. :-)
And, with that, I will close. Thank you for being patient as I took a break from blogging. Until later. . . P&L.
I am also FINALLY returning to the stage in May. I will be in Five Women Wearing the Same Dress at McKeesport Little Theater that opens May 3rd. PLEASE come and see this show!!! We have an incredible cast and production crew, and I am uber-excited to be working with so many awesome people. It will be worth the drive, time, and money for some great entertainment. I am not singing - it is a straight play - but the comedy is perfect! You will not regret it. :-)
As for the weight loss and surgery stuff, things are continuing to move along and go well. I am down to around 156ish. . . down 102 since I began the journey last February and almost 70 since surgery August 29th. My bloodwork was good last month; all seems in line and improving as far as blood levels and whatnot. My B12 was really high, so I have cut back on that. The hair loss is not as bad, either. I work hard to get my protein in with bars, food choices, the Nectar Syntrax drinks, and Provide shots, so that has helped tremendously. Take it one day at a time and follow Dr. Z.'s orders. It is working like a charm!
Currently, I wearing size 10 in pants, mediums in shirts, and a 36C for the girls. This is down from a 20/22 in pants, 2X or 3X in shirts, and a 42D for the girls. I feel great, and I am looking forward to establishing a workout exercise routine now that the schedule is a bit more open. Comps will be a challenge, but I will have one goal of writing the 50 page paper. . . not a bunch of weekly assignments and posts, so I am looking forward to that aspect of the craziness. I need to tone up a bit and build my endurance a bit. I hope to avoid a "girls lift" in the future, but that may be an unavoidable fact. I LOVE going into stores and being able to wear styles that I have not been able to wear for years, and I look forward to shopping now. Buying quality clothes has become something I enjoy because I know that they are better and will last a long time. And, they simply feel better. I have been buying undergarments at Victoria's Secret. Yes, they cost more. BUT the fit and quality are so much better. I have tried the styles and brands at Walmart, Kohl's, the outlets, etc., and they simply do not do the job the same way. I posted on Facebook about the Lucky Brand jeans that I just bought. HOLY MOLY! They are so ridiculously comfortable that I don't know that I will ever buy another brand. They are soft and feel like silk . . .it is silly sounding, but I did not want to take them off tonight when it was time to get ready for bed! I still have some weight to lose before I start to try and maintain, but I am very happy with the progress that I am making and the way that I have been able to uphold the changes that I have been making. Buying clothes that feel good are now something that I give myself, not as a reward but because my body deserves to look as good as it feels.
Eating has not been an issue, either. I introduce new foods to my diet periodically; if they are accepted, then I know that I can have them again. If not, I steer clear of them. I did have a few bites of Maggie Moo's ice cream tonight -- and that was enough. I stopped because I could tell that it was too much for me. Every once in awhile I have some peanut butter with some honey wheat pretzel sticks, but if I have a few bites and it does not settle well, then I stop. I do not understand why anyone would continue to eat something that they know will cause them to experience "dumping". Why torture your body when you have endured so much to try and make it healthy again? I love salmon and shrimp and scallops and tuna -- I eat those foods quite often. I still love broccoli and green beans, and do eat salad once in awhile. Carbs are around in small amounts - but I don't eat all of the potatoes or rice or cous cous first, like before. I have a little and focus on the protein. Desserts and snacks are around, too, but -- again -- in limited quantities. A bite or two gives plenty of satisfaction. While on vacation, I have found that I miss my nightly popsicles -- they were my sweet treat for the day many nights. I do not finish my dinners at all, and my leftovers can provide another meal for Glenn and I if we share them. It's hard to explain my mindset about food now. . . .it simply isn't my every waking thought. I used to be almost panicked about when and where I was going to eat, and always have snacks at hand. Now, I eat and enjoy what I eat, but I am not consumed (no pun intended) by the thought of food. I don't want to eat fast food because I know that it is not a good option. I can eat a grilled chicken wrap and a few fries once in awhile, but I would rather wait until I can have something better for my body. So different from where I was a little over a year ago. . . and so much happier of a place. I stop eating when I am full, and think of food more as something my body needs to live, rather than something that I need to live. It has been so freeing to notice that change. My mind can focus on other, more important things.
Not to mention comfort! I can cross my legs, sit Indian style, fit into movie theater seats and booths, curl up in spaces, wear heels, and just walk all day without the discomfort of before. I still have arthritis, but it is so much better than before. The pain level is phenomenally lower than before. I can wear shoes and boots, and enjoy it! Doors are sometimes so heavy that I do not have the body weight to open them without a bit of effort, and the wind on the beach the other day actually stopped me and moved me in my tracks! That was a new experience, for sure! I do not regret my decision at all, and I am so grateful for all of the happiness and change that has entered my life as a result. Next up -- outside of PhD and work stuff -- is to really think about trying to do more with singing. I love singing and need it to be a regular part of my life. More on that as I figure it out. :-)
And, with that, I will close. Thank you for being patient as I took a break from blogging. Until later. . . P&L.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Moving Along, Slowly But Surely
I know that it has been a while since the last blog post, but I cannot express how overwhelmed I feel currently. I know that I have mentioned this before, but it seems like I am a hamster on a wheel. I am running and running and running, but getting nowhere. The amount of time that I have to devote to my statistics course seems immense, and the hours that I have to complete and the amount of work to finish for my internship are almost insurmountable. March 15th cannot get here fast enough. I know that comps and dissertation will be challenging, but I just feel as if it will be a more focused craziness than the uncontrollable feeling of helplessness that I am experiencing at the moment.
On a positive note, I have started the job application process, putting in a few and planning to submit a few more. I do like my current school, but it doesn't hurt to put out a few feelers to see what may be out there for me. It is scary to think about picking up and going to a new job, but that is part of my goal for the future, so it is a scary risk that must be taken!
I haven't given up my dream of opening a coffee shop/community center, though. Or living in Italy. Or living at the beach. I actually drew up a floor plan for the community center last week. It would be a gathering place for the community, all ages and types. There would be the coffee shop, pool tables, seating areas, table areas, books and board games, a large group room for meetings, small rooms for tutoring or meetings, and a bigger room in which bands or community events could be held. Students and teachers could meet for tutoring sessions, community members could attend informational or learning sessions, . . . the possibilities are endless. I would absolutely need to find money to do this, though. I don't have a clue as to where to start looking for such things. But I'd like to think that I could one day make this dream come true.
As far as weight and health, I have been making some progress. I am down to 165ish. . .fluctuating between the high 164s and low 166s. I feel pretty darn good, too, outside of constantly being tired. However, that is because I do not get to bed before 2:00 AM and have to be up for work the next morning. My cold is finally going away, too. I am not sure whether or not it was the flu, but I do know that it has taken over two weeks to be able to wake up feeling human. I am eating more protein, too, whether through food or supplements. I got the Provide protein shots, and they are not too bad. Also, the Nectar Syntrax shakes are great and I can drink those throughout the day from my Nalgene bottle. One bottle equals 23 grams of protein and 32 ounce of liquid. Diet-wise things are good, too. I am eating protein as much as possible, and making sure to keep fats and sugars to a minimum. The hair loss is still happening, but some days it doesn't seem like it is as drastic. Of course, my hair is shorter so that could be why. I did add zinc to my supplements, so I am hoping that is helping, too. Exercise is still slow-going, but I try to get a dog walk in when I can. The cold an weather took care of that for the past few weeks. I did walk like a champ all over NYC last week, which helped get me moving.
Every time I look in the mirror I am so excited for the change in my life that was able to happen because of surgery. :-) But for now, it is time to try and get some sleep. Until next time . . .
On a positive note, I have started the job application process, putting in a few and planning to submit a few more. I do like my current school, but it doesn't hurt to put out a few feelers to see what may be out there for me. It is scary to think about picking up and going to a new job, but that is part of my goal for the future, so it is a scary risk that must be taken!
I haven't given up my dream of opening a coffee shop/community center, though. Or living in Italy. Or living at the beach. I actually drew up a floor plan for the community center last week. It would be a gathering place for the community, all ages and types. There would be the coffee shop, pool tables, seating areas, table areas, books and board games, a large group room for meetings, small rooms for tutoring or meetings, and a bigger room in which bands or community events could be held. Students and teachers could meet for tutoring sessions, community members could attend informational or learning sessions, . . . the possibilities are endless. I would absolutely need to find money to do this, though. I don't have a clue as to where to start looking for such things. But I'd like to think that I could one day make this dream come true.
As far as weight and health, I have been making some progress. I am down to 165ish. . .fluctuating between the high 164s and low 166s. I feel pretty darn good, too, outside of constantly being tired. However, that is because I do not get to bed before 2:00 AM and have to be up for work the next morning. My cold is finally going away, too. I am not sure whether or not it was the flu, but I do know that it has taken over two weeks to be able to wake up feeling human. I am eating more protein, too, whether through food or supplements. I got the Provide protein shots, and they are not too bad. Also, the Nectar Syntrax shakes are great and I can drink those throughout the day from my Nalgene bottle. One bottle equals 23 grams of protein and 32 ounce of liquid. Diet-wise things are good, too. I am eating protein as much as possible, and making sure to keep fats and sugars to a minimum. The hair loss is still happening, but some days it doesn't seem like it is as drastic. Of course, my hair is shorter so that could be why. I did add zinc to my supplements, so I am hoping that is helping, too. Exercise is still slow-going, but I try to get a dog walk in when I can. The cold an weather took care of that for the past few weeks. I did walk like a champ all over NYC last week, which helped get me moving.
Every time I look in the mirror I am so excited for the change in my life that was able to happen because of surgery. :-) But for now, it is time to try and get some sleep. Until next time . . .
Not a great pic as far as appearance because I had just gotten out of the shower . . . and it is a lazy Sunday, but this is me in a pair of pants that I wore only five months ago. Size 20/22 and they were tight!
Me now, a size 12, heading to a 10, and wearing medium or large shirts!!!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Hanging in There. . .
I am exhausted at the moment. I am not feeling well at all and hope that I simply have a horrible cold, rather than the flu. I been feeling sick since late Tuesday night and have no energy. It is so frustrating. I have not been getting up in the morning to work out because I just do not have the energy to do so. I know that Dr. Z. said that it would take me up to a year to get my energy back and that I am going to be tired since I am trying to maintain my normal schedule, but I am too impatient for this! I did take an hour and half walk last Sunday along the Five Star Trail, doing some geocaching with Cira along the way; it felt great. I have been trying to get course work done and keep up with school work, too, which means the late nights are back. Even with a nap, I feel like I am perpetually tired. A woman at the hairdressers who had the surgery told me that it was almost a year before she felt as if she had her energy back. Also, she suggested zinc to help with hair loss, so I have added it to the regimen.
The one bright spot in all of this was that I am down to 168.6! I have noticed that I may gain a pound or two depending on my bathroom schedule, so that does help me from getting too upset when the scale fluctuates a few pounds over a few days. Plus, it always gets a little weird during my favorite time of the month, but it is extremely rewarding to know that I am so close to bidding the 170s good-bye forever!!! I haven't weighed under 170 since 1999!!!! Some of my size 12s are already starting to get too big on me. :-) At least I know that I can out them in the dryer. Gosh, it's been a hell of a long time since I have wanted to shrink something in the dryer! I will get some pics in NYC and post updated ones next time, BTW.
As for eating, Glenn and I had chili again Wednesday, and fish several times this week. We have eaten chili at least once a week since I found the recipe. It is really good and has so much protein! I tried the Nectar Syntrex protein drinks and I LOVE THEM! They are made with a much finer powder and the taste is so much better. They feel less heavy in my stomach, too. Definitely glad to have found them. The protein shots arrived, too, and although the consistency is a bit much and they are very sweet, I can handle them for the one ounce that they are and the 15 grams of protein that they give me. In all, I've had a bit of a sweet tooth this week, so I have indulged in a few pieces of candy and a spoonful of icing. . . but quickly returned to my Weight Watcher's ice cream sandwiches and hot chocolate as my sweets of choice. I did have a sliver of angel food cake with fresh strawberries and dollop of light whipped topping after dinner at my brother's last night, too. Overall, I don't miss the carbs or junk and have been able to make alternate choices when craving something in that food group, but the control that I am now able to exercise when faced with such treats is rewarding in and of itself. I will NOT NEVER NO HOW IN NOW WAY SHAPE OR FORM go back to a size 22.
Unfortunately, the only thing that is still plaguing me is the never-ending feeling of being overwhelmed and tired. And, unfortunately, that is going to continue until this quarter of course work and internship are over. I am trying really desperately to get my work completed before going to NYC from Thursday to Sunday, but I am not sure if that will happen. If not, I will have to suck it up and do work there or when I get home Sunday. The anger that I feel on a daily basis because I always have to put myself last is starting to bug me. I am NOT a selfish person, but damn it, I would like to not have to worry about so much all of the time and just be able to enjoy things without the workload I have creeping in to the back of my mind. Yes, I recognize that I did this to myself, but wanting to better myself as a person and a teacher should not mean that I have to sacrifice myself as a person in order to do so. Meh.
With that said, it is time to wrap up a few items on the to-do list and try and get some sleep. Until next time. . . .
The one bright spot in all of this was that I am down to 168.6! I have noticed that I may gain a pound or two depending on my bathroom schedule, so that does help me from getting too upset when the scale fluctuates a few pounds over a few days. Plus, it always gets a little weird during my favorite time of the month, but it is extremely rewarding to know that I am so close to bidding the 170s good-bye forever!!! I haven't weighed under 170 since 1999!!!! Some of my size 12s are already starting to get too big on me. :-) At least I know that I can out them in the dryer. Gosh, it's been a hell of a long time since I have wanted to shrink something in the dryer! I will get some pics in NYC and post updated ones next time, BTW.
As for eating, Glenn and I had chili again Wednesday, and fish several times this week. We have eaten chili at least once a week since I found the recipe. It is really good and has so much protein! I tried the Nectar Syntrex protein drinks and I LOVE THEM! They are made with a much finer powder and the taste is so much better. They feel less heavy in my stomach, too. Definitely glad to have found them. The protein shots arrived, too, and although the consistency is a bit much and they are very sweet, I can handle them for the one ounce that they are and the 15 grams of protein that they give me. In all, I've had a bit of a sweet tooth this week, so I have indulged in a few pieces of candy and a spoonful of icing. . . but quickly returned to my Weight Watcher's ice cream sandwiches and hot chocolate as my sweets of choice. I did have a sliver of angel food cake with fresh strawberries and dollop of light whipped topping after dinner at my brother's last night, too. Overall, I don't miss the carbs or junk and have been able to make alternate choices when craving something in that food group, but the control that I am now able to exercise when faced with such treats is rewarding in and of itself. I will NOT NEVER NO HOW IN NOW WAY SHAPE OR FORM go back to a size 22.
Unfortunately, the only thing that is still plaguing me is the never-ending feeling of being overwhelmed and tired. And, unfortunately, that is going to continue until this quarter of course work and internship are over. I am trying really desperately to get my work completed before going to NYC from Thursday to Sunday, but I am not sure if that will happen. If not, I will have to suck it up and do work there or when I get home Sunday. The anger that I feel on a daily basis because I always have to put myself last is starting to bug me. I am NOT a selfish person, but damn it, I would like to not have to worry about so much all of the time and just be able to enjoy things without the workload I have creeping in to the back of my mind. Yes, I recognize that I did this to myself, but wanting to better myself as a person and a teacher should not mean that I have to sacrifice myself as a person in order to do so. Meh.
With that said, it is time to wrap up a few items on the to-do list and try and get some sleep. Until next time. . . .
Monday, January 7, 2013
Back to the Grind
Well, it is time to get back to work. PhD classes started today, and I spent yesterday tackling the to-do list. I had several things to that were just taking up brain space and lesson plans to get ready for the week, so I took care of those tasks first. It was a busy weekend, for sure. Friday I got home around 6:45 and began the cleaning and undecorating extravaganza. I finished around 12 hours later, took a nap, and then went to get a brand new hairdo from Gwen. I LOVE it! I am so glad that I didn't back out or stick to the same hair do. It feels so refreshing, and it really was easy to fix this morning. I blew it dry, used a flat iron quickly, and WAAA-LAAA! Done! A new look for a new leg of my journey.
I ordered some protein supplements tonight, too. Mellissa (thanks!) gave me the heads up on Provide Protein shots - 15grams of protein per ounce. That's awesome! I am supposed to get 60 - 80 grams a day, and that is pretty difficult. Four of these shots would ensure that I got that amount. Also, I ordered some sample packs of coffee and fruit flavored drinks. The fruit ones I can make into popsicles, too, so instead of eating a regular popsicle, I can have a protein one! I know that it is money to spend, but I certainly am not spending as much on food for me, so I can spend it on protein and make sure that I am getting the nutrition that I need.
As for weight loss, I have hit a snag. I have been hovering around 172-174 for over a week. I started exercising at 5 am last week, so I am giving myself time to adjust. It's been rough because I am so tired, but I am going to keep plugging on -- I HAVE to keep this up or I will never reach my goals and maintain my new lifestyle. It is so fun and exciting to go shopping, buy clothes and accessories, put together outfits, play with make-up. I feel like a teenager again! I'm going to have to get a second (well, third or fourth, technically) job to fund my new habit! I am trying to not let the guilt of spending so much money on myself outweigh my happiness at being able to enjoy these things again, though. It's hard to change those mental thoughts of not being worth the money so quickly. It will take a while before I stop thinking like the fat girl who wanted to just buy somethings to get by and go back home to hide.
Well, this is a short one, but morning comes earlier and I have a few things to finish up before I get some sleep. Until next time. . .
New hair! Inverted bob -- I love it!! Late night photo isn't too flattering, though! LOL
Sunday, December 30, 2012
I Wore LEGGINGS!
Well, not true leggings, but they were legging-style pants designed to be wore with high boots. BUT I WORE THEM IN PUBLIC!!! And it felt freaking awesome! I felt like the old me -- the me from high school, from college, and from early on grad school. The woman who would dance the night away and have a great time. I danced, too, and sometimes by myself. It didn't matter! I was listening to Loyal Hanna, my guys, and having a great time. Plus, I finally found boots! In fact, I found four pair of boots! I had to go to Lane Bryant to buy them, though, because no matter how much weight I lose or how thin I have ever been, my calves are not-so-thin. 18" as-a-matter-of-fact. So, I ventured to Lane Bryant and found four pair of boots. They were on sale for half off, which was incredible, too. Needless to say, I was thrilled.
Actually, I have been feeling a lot of guilt for the amount of money that I have spent on clothes and accessories lately. I know that it was an expected expense since I was going to be losing so much weight, but I feel like I have gone a bit overboard this round of shopping. Of course, shopping for the holiday put me in proximity to shopping a bit more than normal, and I think that caused me to buy a bit more. School starts Wednesday and PhD courses start on the 7th, so my time to shop will be gone. I love having so many options and feeling not so ugly in my clothes, but I know that I need to tone down the buying until I have leveled out to the size I will be. Having time to scout the thrift stores and discount racks will help the budget, too, but with the craziness of this time of year and the end of the last PhD quarter I was able to stick to sale racks in the stores in which Glenn and/or I were shopping.
The weight loss is going really well; I am down to 172.8!! I have a bit more to go -- I'd like to get down to around 130. Once there, I will see how I feel and how maintaining that weight affects me. I may end up back at 140 or so, but I want to get down to my goal weight and make decisions from there. My eating habits have changed forever, but I don't want to have to worry about every little thing that I put into my mouth just to stay at 130. I have found myself mentally "pinching" myself so many times while shopping and cleaning or going through my closets this break -- I can't believe that I am actually THIS size and THIS weight. A year ago, I never thought that I would get to this point. It is still so surreal every time I look in the mirror or try on clothes. I am so blessed and grateful to have had the chance to take such a big step as the surgery in order to make this change in my life. It has truly improved my lifestyle greatly. I am in better health - my blood pressure is low and there is no need for medication at all. My arthritis is not as painful -- I can wear normal shoes and dance without being in pain for weeks. I have more confidence -- I am not so self-confident about my appearance or people looking at me when I am out. I do not feel like I embarrass Glenn -- I always felt bad for him because he had to be seen with me. Life has just generally taken on a new direction, and I am loving it.
Glenn and I are going to try to restart our workout plan on Wednesday morning. We need to get back into the groove so that we can get even healthier and keep on track with our weight loss. I know that this will mean that I have to try and get to bed earlier so that I can get up earlier, but I am hoping that I can figure out a way to make it work. PhD courses are starting again, I have never put as much time into learning Italian as I'd hoped, I would like to audition for a show or find someone who could play guitar and do some acoustic style shows with me a few times a month, read more, cross-stitch again, play some pool with Glenn, go shopping with Glenn or friends, go shooting with Glenn . . . basically, I want to feel like I have a life and not have it be sucked up by work and school. Yes, I know that part of being in school is sacrificing some things and activities, but I really feel like school has taken over and jeopardized my relationships and mental state. I am just spent all of the time, and I need to find a way to not give up everything I love during the 10 weeks of classes.
And that, my friends, is the long and short of my New Year's resolutions. Tomorrow, I will be ringing in the New Year with my Glenndini; my guys, Loyal Hanna; friends and family; and Loyal Hanna fans who chose to celebrate with us at Blair's. In my heart, all of you will be there as I kiss my man and wish for a happier, healthier, and more successful year in 2013. Be safe in your celebrations and journeys tomorrow. Until a new year in a few days. . .
Actually, I have been feeling a lot of guilt for the amount of money that I have spent on clothes and accessories lately. I know that it was an expected expense since I was going to be losing so much weight, but I feel like I have gone a bit overboard this round of shopping. Of course, shopping for the holiday put me in proximity to shopping a bit more than normal, and I think that caused me to buy a bit more. School starts Wednesday and PhD courses start on the 7th, so my time to shop will be gone. I love having so many options and feeling not so ugly in my clothes, but I know that I need to tone down the buying until I have leveled out to the size I will be. Having time to scout the thrift stores and discount racks will help the budget, too, but with the craziness of this time of year and the end of the last PhD quarter I was able to stick to sale racks in the stores in which Glenn and/or I were shopping.
The weight loss is going really well; I am down to 172.8!! I have a bit more to go -- I'd like to get down to around 130. Once there, I will see how I feel and how maintaining that weight affects me. I may end up back at 140 or so, but I want to get down to my goal weight and make decisions from there. My eating habits have changed forever, but I don't want to have to worry about every little thing that I put into my mouth just to stay at 130. I have found myself mentally "pinching" myself so many times while shopping and cleaning or going through my closets this break -- I can't believe that I am actually THIS size and THIS weight. A year ago, I never thought that I would get to this point. It is still so surreal every time I look in the mirror or try on clothes. I am so blessed and grateful to have had the chance to take such a big step as the surgery in order to make this change in my life. It has truly improved my lifestyle greatly. I am in better health - my blood pressure is low and there is no need for medication at all. My arthritis is not as painful -- I can wear normal shoes and dance without being in pain for weeks. I have more confidence -- I am not so self-confident about my appearance or people looking at me when I am out. I do not feel like I embarrass Glenn -- I always felt bad for him because he had to be seen with me. Life has just generally taken on a new direction, and I am loving it.
Glenn and I are going to try to restart our workout plan on Wednesday morning. We need to get back into the groove so that we can get even healthier and keep on track with our weight loss. I know that this will mean that I have to try and get to bed earlier so that I can get up earlier, but I am hoping that I can figure out a way to make it work. PhD courses are starting again, I have never put as much time into learning Italian as I'd hoped, I would like to audition for a show or find someone who could play guitar and do some acoustic style shows with me a few times a month, read more, cross-stitch again, play some pool with Glenn, go shopping with Glenn or friends, go shooting with Glenn . . . basically, I want to feel like I have a life and not have it be sucked up by work and school. Yes, I know that part of being in school is sacrificing some things and activities, but I really feel like school has taken over and jeopardized my relationships and mental state. I am just spent all of the time, and I need to find a way to not give up everything I love during the 10 weeks of classes.
And that, my friends, is the long and short of my New Year's resolutions. Tomorrow, I will be ringing in the New Year with my Glenndini; my guys, Loyal Hanna; friends and family; and Loyal Hanna fans who chose to celebrate with us at Blair's. In my heart, all of you will be there as I kiss my man and wish for a happier, healthier, and more successful year in 2013. Be safe in your celebrations and journeys tomorrow. Until a new year in a few days. . .
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Back at It!
Long time, no write, but things have been a whirlwind since the last time that I wrote. PhD classes ended with a bang; school was Go!Go!Go! until Friday when Christmas Break started; and holiday prepping, crafting, and shopping took over every evening. Plus, trying to recoup, let my body do what it needs to do, and rebuild my blood levels. I am still tired and tire easily, but I definitely feel better than I did a month ago. The schedule has paid off, though, because the only thing that I have left to do for Christmas is cards. We just got back from a holiday/Steelers get-together, and, after I take a short nap, I hope to do my cards and several other things on the to-do list. One task is to make homemade doggie treats for my four-legged friends Christmas presents. :-) I found a few recipes that are not too difficult, so I want to give them a try. Pumpkin, beef, and banana flavored -- can't miss with those!
On a VERY positive note, I am down to 174.6!!!! That's right! I've been losing steadily for the last couple weeks, and have been working really hard to up my protein intake to help my hair loss. I have been losing quite a bit of hair, even though I am now taking Biotin and using Nioxin hair shampoo, conditioner, and scalp treatment. Nothing too drastic right now, but I don't want it to become an issue. I feel better, too, but I definitely get tired really quickly and need to take a break now and then. There is just no time to take a break because too much needs to be done. There have been several days over the last two weeks when I went to bed at 7:30 - 8:00 and still had a hard time waking up the next morning. Literally, the last two weeks I have had something - either work or another obligation - every day. Add in all of the other stuff and it has been a bit draining. I hope to regroup a bit over the next week, but my days are quickly filling up, so I will be lucky to have even one day on which I have no where to go. I know that nothing has to be done, but there are simply things that have to be done that will make my life easier in the next quarter of classes, and there are things that I want to do that I am tired of putting off. We shall see what happens. :-)
I did get a 4.0 this quarter, so I am happy. Also, I made the President's List - kind of like the Dean's List, but students have to have a 4.0 to make the list. I am very proud of that accomplishment, especially with everything that went on this part quarter. Now, it is on to the last quarter of classes! A stats class and the second half of the internship. Hard to believe that I am so close to dissertation. I am excited beyond belief to be that much closer to accomplishing a lifelong goal, but I am thankful for a few weeks reprieve from the craziness.
However, I have been on what feels like a shopping spree! LOL. I have been buying clothes almost every time I go out - mainly because I am so stoked that I can actually FIT into clothes again. It's been so long since I could walk into a store and have so many options and not feel like I was going to leave the fitting room empty-handed. I know that I need to stop, though, because I still have weight to lose and that means that I will not be in these 12s for long. . . I need to wait until I reach my goal weight and then I can shop 'til I drop, lol. What's cool is being able to go to the sale racks and find so many good bargains. I used to love going to so many various stores and finding things to mix and match - jewelry, sweaters, pants, etc. I just have to be patient and exercise more self control when it comes to shopping. "All in good time," as the Wicked Witch said. :-)
As for the ulcers, they are healing well from what I can gather. I feel much better, like I said, and my stomach is tolerating much more than it had been. I definitely know the symptoms now, so if I start to feel that way again, I will head to the doctors. I had a appointment with the surgeon on the 17th, and things are looking good. I will be on some sort of medication for the ulcers forever, but as long as I monitor what I eat and drink, I don't expect to have any other issues. I am allowed to eat raw veggies and salad, but I have to chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, . . . .you get the idea. I just have to eat my protein first, rather than the salad. I have to get some blood work before my next appointment in March, and I will have to have another scope at some point just to see how things have healed. For now, I just need to keep on, keeping on.
It is hard to believe that it will four months since the surgery at the end of the week. So much has happened and changed.
On a VERY positive note, I am down to 174.6!!!! That's right! I've been losing steadily for the last couple weeks, and have been working really hard to up my protein intake to help my hair loss. I have been losing quite a bit of hair, even though I am now taking Biotin and using Nioxin hair shampoo, conditioner, and scalp treatment. Nothing too drastic right now, but I don't want it to become an issue. I feel better, too, but I definitely get tired really quickly and need to take a break now and then. There is just no time to take a break because too much needs to be done. There have been several days over the last two weeks when I went to bed at 7:30 - 8:00 and still had a hard time waking up the next morning. Literally, the last two weeks I have had something - either work or another obligation - every day. Add in all of the other stuff and it has been a bit draining. I hope to regroup a bit over the next week, but my days are quickly filling up, so I will be lucky to have even one day on which I have no where to go. I know that nothing has to be done, but there are simply things that have to be done that will make my life easier in the next quarter of classes, and there are things that I want to do that I am tired of putting off. We shall see what happens. :-)
I did get a 4.0 this quarter, so I am happy. Also, I made the President's List - kind of like the Dean's List, but students have to have a 4.0 to make the list. I am very proud of that accomplishment, especially with everything that went on this part quarter. Now, it is on to the last quarter of classes! A stats class and the second half of the internship. Hard to believe that I am so close to dissertation. I am excited beyond belief to be that much closer to accomplishing a lifelong goal, but I am thankful for a few weeks reprieve from the craziness.
However, I have been on what feels like a shopping spree! LOL. I have been buying clothes almost every time I go out - mainly because I am so stoked that I can actually FIT into clothes again. It's been so long since I could walk into a store and have so many options and not feel like I was going to leave the fitting room empty-handed. I know that I need to stop, though, because I still have weight to lose and that means that I will not be in these 12s for long. . . I need to wait until I reach my goal weight and then I can shop 'til I drop, lol. What's cool is being able to go to the sale racks and find so many good bargains. I used to love going to so many various stores and finding things to mix and match - jewelry, sweaters, pants, etc. I just have to be patient and exercise more self control when it comes to shopping. "All in good time," as the Wicked Witch said. :-)
As for the ulcers, they are healing well from what I can gather. I feel much better, like I said, and my stomach is tolerating much more than it had been. I definitely know the symptoms now, so if I start to feel that way again, I will head to the doctors. I had a appointment with the surgeon on the 17th, and things are looking good. I will be on some sort of medication for the ulcers forever, but as long as I monitor what I eat and drink, I don't expect to have any other issues. I am allowed to eat raw veggies and salad, but I have to chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, . . . .you get the idea. I just have to eat my protein first, rather than the salad. I have to get some blood work before my next appointment in March, and I will have to have another scope at some point just to see how things have healed. For now, I just need to keep on, keeping on.
It is hard to believe that it will four months since the surgery at the end of the week. So much has happened and changed.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
It Fit!!
Another week is set to begin, and I
am ready to tackle it. It is going to be
a busy one, for sure. This quarter of
PhD courses ends Friday, and I am SO in need of a break! However, after the
craziness of the last two weeks, I am feeling a TON better and realize that the
gas that I’ve thought that I had was actually the ulcers. I still get tired, but not to the extent of
the absolute run down exhaustion that I was feeling. If there is such a thing, it is just normal
tiredness. LOL.
I had a great experience the other
day shopping, too. As it turned out, I
went to my husband’s work Christmas party even though he couldn’t go; he was Dj’ing
another Christmas party. I have friends
who work there, too, so when an extra ticket was available, they thought of
me. They are so good to me! At any rate,
I had to find something to wear and ended up at Fashion Bug. They are going out of business, so I was able
to get some great deals since I needed to buy new clothes anyway --- I am now a
size 12!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOT!!!!!
I filled my arms and went to the
dressing room. I was so excited as
things fit that I actually had a good time shopping for the first time in
forever. I even tried on a dress. That’s
right – A DRESS. And it fit!!!! I ended
up wearing it to the party and danced the night away. Of course, the only picture I have is of me
in the fitting room because I sent one to my hubby. I plan to wear it New Year’s Eve, so I will
post pics then, for sure.
The party was fun, too. Eating and drinking were a non-issue, as I am
discovering. Food and drink do not
dictate having fun, and it feels so much better to not be stuffed to the gills
and uncomfortable. I had ¾ of a caramel
appletini, a coffee, and a few nibbles each of Caesar salad, breaded chicken,
rice with veggies, garlic potatoes, linguini salad, prime rib, and
dessert. Everything was fantastic, but I
pushed my plate away and enjoyed the dancing and company. Afterward, I went out with my friends and
Glenn joined us. I ordered a glass of
wine, but, after a few sips, gave it to Glenn.
I was perfectly content without it.
Life has really taken on new meaning and a new direction.
And on that thought I will end . . .
until tomorrow. . .
It fit!!!
We stopped to see the Creche in Pittsburgh before heading home from our Gateway Clipper party. Beautiful way to reflect on the season.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Out of the Hospital and On the Mend!
Boy, have the last
few days been interesting – to say the least!
I am home and on the mend. As it
turns out, I had two bleeding ulcers.
Since they started me on protonix in the ER, they had already crusted
over and began healing by the time my gastroscopy was performed on Saturday
morning. Apparently, any time that two
body parts are sewn together and rejoined, the area receives less blood flow
because of the scar tissue or nature of the way it has healed. This can cause perforations and ulcers. It is not unusual, but not so much as common
as people would think. This is what
happened to me. I had one ulcer in my
stomach and one right after my stomach in the intestines. Dr. Sharon said that the surgery itself
looked fabulous and that Dr. Z. did a great job, so that was awesome to
know. So, it was good that I came in
because I could have kept bleeding for a long time. In fact, I had lost quite a bit of blood and
my levels were just over eight; normal is 11-18 from what the nurse said. Therefore, I had to have a blood
transfusion. I was allowed to eat full
liquids at that point, which was nice.
My hubby came to visit for a bit before heading home to take care of
Cira. My Mom, brother, and nephew
visited, too. Glenn came back that
evening and we played some Scrabble and hung out in the hospital. He brought me a yogurt, too. :-) Yummy! Best thing I ate in the hospital, outside of the popsicles that I ate
whenever a nurse would give me one, LOL!
The vampires took my blood a few more times, and Dr. Sharon came in at
6:00 Sunday morning to tell me that my blood level was up, I could eat regular
food, would take protonix for the rest of my life, and that I would be going home that afternoon! Woot!
I feel better, but am still
extremely tired. I have been home the
past two days and trying to catch up on work.
Tomorrow is a full day, but I am going to try to keep my to-do list in
check. It is just pretty difficult with
school and courses. I refuse to be a bad
student or a bad teacher; both of those take a huge amount of energy and time. I spent some time yesterday running errands
and doing things around the house, but that means that today I am trying to
catch up even more so. It is such a
catch-22. I know that my health is
important, but who do I let down in order to take care of my health? My family? Friends? Students? Professors? Myself?
Of course, I alerted my professors,
and one has given me an extension. The
other has not responded to my questions about assignments as of yet. . .
although, he did wish me well. He never reads an entire email or answers
questions. It’s so infuriating! So, I guess at this point, I am going to
press on with the help of my friends and family, and my wonderful hubby, and do
what I can. PhD classes end on the 14th,
so I can take a minute to breathe and enjoy the holidays at that point. Over the holiday break, I can focus my efforts
and try to accomplish a few things to make life a bit easier in the second half
of the internship.
Thank you to everyone for your
thoughts and well wishes over the last few days. Believe me, seeing that blood loss was pretty
scary. And, although I was so furious
about being in the hospital and the other things before, I do know that it was
best for me to spend the time that I did in the hospital getting it taken care
of. Now it is back to work until
tomorrow. . . .
Friday, November 30, 2012
Normal v. Not Normal
Well, the last few
days have been interesting, and I am sending a warning right now. I made a vow to not hold back any information
when I started this blog so that anyone considering bariatric surgery would
have an idea of any hurdles or issues that may be potential problems. Truthfully, I have been having an INCREDIBLE
recovery and still am having an incredible recovery, but I am definitely going
to be writing about my latest episode with detail. For some it may be TMI. So, read on and skip what you do not want to
read.
Weight-wise, I am at 180.4.
WOOT! I am so psyched. Yesterday was my three-month surgery date
anniversary, and, since surgery, I am down 45 pounds. Total, I have lost 78! THAT is exciting! I was so bummed the first
few weeks after because I didn’t seem to be losing that much, but now I am
losing steadily. I am able to eat
relatively normally and enjoy things that I enjoy doing. Although I am exhausted often, I still feel
great and have no regrets.
Wednesday night; however, things got
a little scary, which is why I am currently in the hospital awaiting a scope –
essentially, a colonoscopy. I got home
around 7:15 (like normal), ate dinner (like normal) and sat down to begin
working (like normal). Then, my stomach
felt a bit weird, I got some cramps, and ran to the bathroom. My BM was in no way normal, though. It was horribly smelly; bright red liquid;
and dark, dark purple. It was the
consistency of a pile of wet leaves that had been sitting so long that it was
blackish purple and sticky. It took five
flushes to get it all down, and I even had to clean the toilet. I was alarmed to say the least, but thought
that it was over and went back to do work.
Not the case. This happened at least five or six times, and I had an
accident once. I hadn’t eaten anything
out-of-the-ordinary from my normal foods, so I had no idea what was causing
it. In the morning, it happened twice
more before I left the house. I was
dizzy and light-headed; after my shower, I was sweating like crazy and had to
sit down for a bit. Needless to say, I
realized that this was not normal and I needed to get checked out.
I called school and they started
making arrangements for a sub; I left school around 10:30 when the sub got
there and arrived in the ER around 11:00.
I had called the Bariatric Center and explained everything earlier, and
they told me to go the hospital. I was
in the ER until almost 7:00; they were really busy. I had to drink the bowel prep, but only one
container. It took me all evening and
night – until around 5:00 this morning -- to get it all down. I have given so much blood that I can’t have
much more to give, LOL. My surgeon came
in this morning and said that my blood counts were down, nothing so serious
that I need a transfusion, but we will see what the test shows. I continued to have bloody BMs, although
since I haven’t eaten anything since Wednesday’s dinner, they have been liquid
purple and red. I didn’t have one that
was a normal color until an hour ago . . .around 10:00 this morning.
PART II
Well, I just got back from the
colonoscopy and everything on that end looks good, but there was old blood in
the colon and bowels, so now I have to have the gastroscopy in the morning!!
REALLY??? I asked why they didn’t just do it then, and they said that because I
was under anesthesia I couldn’t consent to it. Isn’t that why you have my
husband’s number and my mom’s number? In
case of stuff like this?? I am so
furiously angry right now. This is a
waste of my time and insurance money to keep me here another day for something
like this. I am hungry, too, and I don’t
get to eat much to begin with, so not being able to eat anything just adds to
my anger. I am so angry that I can’t
write anymore. I have shut my door and
am going to take a nap. Until tomorrow
and I have more news to share. . . . .
Monday, November 26, 2012
And I'm All Settled in for a Long Day of Work . . .
I have been
busy, busy, busy! My yearly tradition is
to begin cleaning and decorating Thanksgiving evening. I don’t do what is traditionally called
“spring cleaning”; I fall clean! I
clean, scour, and purge the house in order to prepare for the decorating and
season. I rearranged the office,
too. Thank goodness for furniture
movers, LOL. That desk was big! Once the
house was clean, I began the decorating extravaganza. I put up the big tree with most of my Oz
ornaments, and I put the small tree that we’ve used the last two years in the
office. I used it for all of the
personal ornaments from childhood and new ones.
Then, I had to buy another smaller tree to put in the spare room (where
Oz reigns supreme) and decorated it with a few more Oz ornaments. Also, I put out one of my Dorothy nutcrackers
and my needlepoint Oz stocking. Outside
was given attention, too, with new trees, deer, pathway markers, corner trees,
bows, a wreath, and icicle lights! Tons
of other housekeeping items were scratched off of the list, too, so that last
night I watched several Christmas movies, cuddled with the kitties and Cira,
and enjoyed the scents of my candles and lights of my decorations. I did homework last night, and after making
some phone calls and doing more “paperworky” type things, I will be preparing
for a new week of assignments and doing work for school since the trimester changes
Tuesday. It was a nice, peaceful night,
and I am hoping for a similar outcome throughout the afternoon and evening. :-)
I have been
having a fabulous week as far as weight, eating, and healing. Yesterday morning I weighed 181.8!!!! YEEEEE
HAWWWWW! I am down to a size 12, too,
and bought a new pair of jeans while out Saturday morning. It feels so exhilarating to be progressing
again. I feel as if I hit a stumbling
block for a few weeks. And talk about
motivation! I don’t want to do anything to risk the success that I have been
having. On Thanksgiving, I ate very
small portions of mashed potatoes, a bit of dinner roll, creamed corn,
stuffing, and turkey. Of course, I
focused on the turkey first! About two
and a half hours after dinner, I was
able to take a few bites of my mom’s homemade pumpkin cheesecake (OMG!!! So
yummy!) and a few nibbles of pumpkin pie.
I was totally satisfied and able to go right back to my yogurt and high
protein meals without any issues.
It really is amazing how
differently I think about food now.
Prior to surgery, people would ask how I was going to cope with the
changes in what I had to eat and not being to enjoy food after surgery. I was confident in my ability to NOT make bad
choices because after surgery I would not have a choice – bad foods would make
me sick or have a not-so-good effect on my body. I’m sure that there was skepticism in many
folks’ minds as to my ability to stay on track; after all, I had not gained
weight by making good dietary choices.
However, surgery was the means to a new outlook on food. Being on a liquid diet for two weeks before
surgery and then being limited to what I could take in for so many weeks after
surgery, my body cleansed itself of the bad stuff. I no longer crave the bad stuff because my
body no longer has a taste or hunger for it.
Does this mean that I will never eat a mozzarella stick again? No. But
it does mean that mozzarella sticks are not something that I choose to eat over
other choices that are better for my body and health. I do not feel as if I am “missing out” or
unable to have a pleasant time with friends at a restaurant; the pleasant time
stems from being with friends, not food.
And with that, my friends, I will
end. Time to get back on task and tackle
that work that has been waiting for me all weekend. So, until next time. . .
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Still Losing!
The weight
slowly creeps away. . . down to 186.2. :-D
I need this good news in the
midst of all of the catch-up that I am playing with work and courses. It feels good to know that I am making
progress and feeling better. Well, my
stomach is still gassy and gets really angry with me, but for the most part, I
know why it is happening. One, I think
that I am eating too quickly, and two, I am not getting enough sleep. Friday night I got home from work and went to
take a nap at approximately 4:45. Guess
what time I woke up? 6:30 in the
morning!!! I slept hard, too, and never heard Glenn get home, get ready to go
to the band’s gig, come home, --- NOTHING.
I only woke up because he turned on the flashlight app on his phone when
he came upstairs after falling asleep on his chair, LOL. That flashlight app is loud, holy moly! At any rate, I was upset for a bit because I
wasted so much time and didn’t get any work done Friday night, but then I
realized that it was good for my body and was grateful for the rest.
Now I need
to find time to go shopping again! I
know that most people would be excited about that, but I am not a shopper
because it is too stressful with money and all that jazz to keep buying new
things. Even the yoga pants are too big!
I need new pants, for sure because I know that I am down a size. I am hoping to find a few hours over Turkey
Day break to hit up some thrift stores and maybe Gabe’s. I need to focus on a few pair of pants and a
pair of jeans – try to avoid buying too much.
Then, I can sell the ones that I have.
As much as I do not look forward to shopping, it is rewarding to see the
surgery and hard work paying off. Deep
down inside I am jumping up and down and screaming like a child on Christmas
morning!
I spent the
entire Saturday at my desk, though, and was able to get quite a bit
accomplished. Did the household, paper-worky
type things, caught up on my educational newsletter reading, and a few other
tasks. Then, I cranked out two papers
throughout the day. I mean ALL day and
didn’t go to bed until close to 4:00 a.m.
But I felt so much better knowing that I was almost caught up with PhD
course work. Today, I worked for the morning and then took a break and went to
see Warhorse. OMG! THE SHOW IS ABSOFRIGGENLUTELY
AMAZING!!!! It was such an emotional show, with plenty of laugh lines to break
up the tension, but by far one of the best shows that I’ve seen in awhile. I went with West Apple Tours, and we had dinner at Del's before the show. It's Italian, so there wasn't a lot that I could eat, but I had a few pieces of pasta, a small piece of bread, and a meatball. I had a few bites of chicken marsala and some potatoes, but they were way too rich. It was the perfect amount. :-) So, now I am back at it, listening to the
Steelers (and Glenn) in the background.
Come on, boys!!!
Well, this
is an early post, but I want to get back to this paper and maybe get it done
early enough to sleep well tonight.
Short week and then I get to decorate for Christmas. So, until tomorrow.
. .
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Night, Night!
Down to 189. :-D And,
my clothes are once again getting too big!
I had to wear a belt with my pants today, and I haven’t had to wear one
with my new pants until now. It is a
great feeling, but I do feel guilty about the money that I will have to spend
to buy more clothes. Granted, I will go
to thrift stores, but it still seems like such a waste that I have to buy new
clothes already. It does feel fabulous,
though, I’m not going to lie. I was
sitting at my desk tonight and looked down at my thighs. I can see the difference! Plus, yesterday, at one point during my
presentation I was sitting with my legs crossed and I realized that only a
short time ago I would not have been able to do that! It really does feel good.
Another
stage that I have added to the journey is biotin supplements and using
protein-enhanced shampoo to avoid hair loss. Because I am not eating a lot
which means that I am not getting my 80 grams of protein a day, I run the risk
of losing my hair. Therefore, at my hairdresser’s (thanks, Gwen) recommendation
I am now taking a biotin supplement each day and using Nioxin shampoo and
conditioner. The last two times that my
hair has been dyed, my scalp has been dry and taken on a lot of dye, and my
hair has taken the dye differently. Even
though I haven’t noticed a huge change in the amount of hair lost, I wanted to
be sure and “nip that in the bud” before it becomes an issue.
The
last two nights have been extremely late ones; however, I have made a dent in
the huge to-do list for PhD work. I am
finished for the night and heading to bed as soon as I post this blog. I am loving the internship work that I am
doing, which makes me want to work on curriculum and instruction types of
responsibilities even more! I have a
plan for how I am going to approach the next trimester group, and I want to get
started, but I have to be patient and prioritize. Doing the presentation yesterday to my
colleagues really gave me a taste of what it is I want to do in the future, and
now I am just anxious to get there! The
next year and a half better go by quickly! J
Well,
it is time to get some rest for a few hours.
I am in this weird state of flux where I am feeling settled into the
craziness of my schedule, overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to
happen for my courses, and drowned in the amount of work that I need to do for
my job. . . but the prospect of Christmas decorating and the great things that
I can accomplish with all of my work are helping me cope with everything. So, on that happy note, I will end. Until tomorrow. . .
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Need More Hours in a Day!
Well, true to form, it is well after midnight and I am still attempting to cross things off of the to-do list; however, I have come to terms with that fact that I am simply not going to get everything accomplished by the end of today. I need to try and get some sleep tonight since I have my first "big" presentation tomorrow in front of the entire faculty of my building. YIKES! I hope that they are nice to me, lol. It is part of my internship, and I am excited about it, but definitely a bit nervous. This is a big step for me as far as my role in the building. I will not be sitting in the audience taking in the information being shared; I will be the one sharing the information! I know that this is what I want to do, though, because I enjoyed putting the presentation together and preparing for what I need to say. Fingers crossed and wish me luck!
Although I have not accomplished nearly what was on my to-do list and am going to have to take advantage of extensions granted to me by my professors because of Gram's funeral and other things this past week, I don't want to get too far behind. I feel like I have been behind since the quarter started! Tomorrow, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I need to hunker down and get some work done! Saturday, too, but I'd like to be able to clean the house and take care of things around here Saturday. I hate when I can't keep up with the cleaning. Sunday I am going to see Warhorse in Pittsburgh with Greg and other friends. So excited!! The reviews for the show have been fabulous, and I can't wait to see the awesomeness of the horse, which is a puppet. I know, sounds strange, right? I will definitely let you know what I think. :-)
On a really bright note, I am done with the 190s!!!!! This morning I weighed 189.8! Not that far out of the 190s, and I may venture into them a bit for the next few days as my weight evens out, but they are no longer the norm! WOOT! I can't believe it! I caught up on some sleep Friday night and for a short nap Saturday, and I think that truly made the difference. My body was able to relax and heal itself a bit, and the weight came off. I know that I need to make a better effort to get the sleep that I need, but sometimes that is just too hard to do with school and classes. I had to drop out of the Christmas show that I was planning to do because I just couldn't do it. Rehearsals would have put me over the edge, and I need the time to get caught up and try to get back on some semblance of a track.
Eating has been better the last two days, too. I didn't eat much of anything Friday. It was just a sad day and I wasn't in the mood for much food. I got more yogurt, though, and I love the Fage yogurt. Lots of protein and very satisfying. Plus, it is soft and easy on my stomach. I made some orzo with chicken and pesto sauce tonight, and it was good on the tummy, too. Granted, I didn't eat a lot of the orzo, but it was nice to add a bit of something soft to go with the chicken. I have been craving a salad, though. I can't wait until I can have a grilled chicken salad. Yum!
With that, it is time to get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow, and I would like to have it be as successful and productive as possible. So, until then, my friends . . .
Although I have not accomplished nearly what was on my to-do list and am going to have to take advantage of extensions granted to me by my professors because of Gram's funeral and other things this past week, I don't want to get too far behind. I feel like I have been behind since the quarter started! Tomorrow, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I need to hunker down and get some work done! Saturday, too, but I'd like to be able to clean the house and take care of things around here Saturday. I hate when I can't keep up with the cleaning. Sunday I am going to see Warhorse in Pittsburgh with Greg and other friends. So excited!! The reviews for the show have been fabulous, and I can't wait to see the awesomeness of the horse, which is a puppet. I know, sounds strange, right? I will definitely let you know what I think. :-)
On a really bright note, I am done with the 190s!!!!! This morning I weighed 189.8! Not that far out of the 190s, and I may venture into them a bit for the next few days as my weight evens out, but they are no longer the norm! WOOT! I can't believe it! I caught up on some sleep Friday night and for a short nap Saturday, and I think that truly made the difference. My body was able to relax and heal itself a bit, and the weight came off. I know that I need to make a better effort to get the sleep that I need, but sometimes that is just too hard to do with school and classes. I had to drop out of the Christmas show that I was planning to do because I just couldn't do it. Rehearsals would have put me over the edge, and I need the time to get caught up and try to get back on some semblance of a track.
Eating has been better the last two days, too. I didn't eat much of anything Friday. It was just a sad day and I wasn't in the mood for much food. I got more yogurt, though, and I love the Fage yogurt. Lots of protein and very satisfying. Plus, it is soft and easy on my stomach. I made some orzo with chicken and pesto sauce tonight, and it was good on the tummy, too. Granted, I didn't eat a lot of the orzo, but it was nice to add a bit of something soft to go with the chicken. I have been craving a salad, though. I can't wait until I can have a grilled chicken salad. Yum!
With that, it is time to get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow, and I would like to have it be as successful and productive as possible. So, until then, my friends . . .
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Trying to Catch My Breath
Wow, I feel like a hamster on a wheel. . . .I keep running and running, but I am not getting anywhere! I am not sure how I am going to keep up this schedule. My body is seriously unhappy with me, and I am having trouble eating much of anything. However, I am not losing weight because my body is under too much stress and not getting enough rest. Something has to give soon, and I am not sure exactly what that something may be. Can't give up the job, and I sure as hell am not giving up the PhD work. Not much left. I don't do much of anything anymore. Just gotta keep on plugging away and hope for a break at some point!
I apologize for not keeping up with the blog everyday; it is one of the things that I can put off until another day. And, I am afraid that tonight is going to be a short one.
Eating was a bit of a task around lunch time, but I was able to eat some fat free refried beans for dinner. I added a little milk and cheese to smooth them up a bit more. I know that they sound gross, but I love them. I need to get some more yogurt ASAP because I have been out for two days and that has been my staple breakfast food for the last months. Smooth and easy to handle. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a bit better and I can start to feel normal, without all of the gas pains and yuckiness.
Exercise is another thing that has gone by the wayside, and I need to figure out a way to work it back in to the schedule. I just don't know where or how, really. I know that everyone says that you just have to do it, but when can I fit it in? I get home late and then immediately get to work. If I took an hour to exercise, I would be up until 4:30 every night instead of 3:30! No can do. Again, just gotta figure this out. It's only been a little over two months, but I feel like I am just not making any progress. Very frustrating.
On a positive note, I am going to the eye doctor tomorrow, and I am going to pick out a snazzy new pair of glasses!! I will let you know what I decide! I am excited to see how different I look in them since I've lost so much weight in my face.
Unfortunately, I must end and go to bed. I am nodding off as I type. So, until tomorrow. . .
I apologize for not keeping up with the blog everyday; it is one of the things that I can put off until another day. And, I am afraid that tonight is going to be a short one.
Eating was a bit of a task around lunch time, but I was able to eat some fat free refried beans for dinner. I added a little milk and cheese to smooth them up a bit more. I know that they sound gross, but I love them. I need to get some more yogurt ASAP because I have been out for two days and that has been my staple breakfast food for the last months. Smooth and easy to handle. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a bit better and I can start to feel normal, without all of the gas pains and yuckiness.
Exercise is another thing that has gone by the wayside, and I need to figure out a way to work it back in to the schedule. I just don't know where or how, really. I know that everyone says that you just have to do it, but when can I fit it in? I get home late and then immediately get to work. If I took an hour to exercise, I would be up until 4:30 every night instead of 3:30! No can do. Again, just gotta figure this out. It's only been a little over two months, but I feel like I am just not making any progress. Very frustrating.
On a positive note, I am going to the eye doctor tomorrow, and I am going to pick out a snazzy new pair of glasses!! I will let you know what I decide! I am excited to see how different I look in them since I've lost so much weight in my face.
Unfortunately, I must end and go to bed. I am nodding off as I type. So, until tomorrow. . .
Monday, November 5, 2012
Long Days, Past, Present, and Future
I must start by sending my love and prayers to my husband and his family as they cope with the loss of their Grandma and Mother. Grandma, you always made me feel so welcome and I thank you for that. I will think of you every time I have a grilled cheese sandwich (even if it is a small, small one). Rest in Peace and enjoy the new leg of your journey, where you will feel no pain and be reunited with your friends and family who have gone before you.
Fingers crossed that my computer which decided to crap out on me tonight can be repaired. The time of day battery died again. Ugh. I need to get it fixed ASAP because I want to fix the video I made for the funeral home and ALL of my work is on there. I was in the middle of doing some work tonight and BOOM it shut down. My hubby totally rocks, though, and gave me his other computer. Since he isn't DJ'ing much anymore, he doesn't need a back-up per se, so I am going to take over the the computer that was pretty much rebuilt a few months ago. I am already on the search for a purple cover. :-) He is just too damn good to me.
The last few days have been a bit rough. The schedule is a bit insane at the moment and, quite frankly, I feel like I am sinking a bit. I need to get in gear. I feel like I make a dent in the work, and then I turn around and twenty more things have been added to it. If I find out who keeps adding those things to my list when I'm not looking, so help me. . . . ;-) I was up until 3:00 this morning doing some work, and tonight I crossed several things off of my to-do list that weren't important, but I just wasn't able to concentrate tonight. Thinking about Gram and Glenn and taking care of those I love. Then, the computer died, so that pretty much decided that not much could get done tonight.
My stomach has not been too happy with me, either, but I think that the craziness and schedule have affected that more than I want to admit. Lunch did not stay with me today, but I know that at school I eat too fast because I only have about 20-25 minutes to each lunch. Dinner was pretty good and I was able to eat it without too much trouble. I made an adapted version of the bacon and swiss quiche from Leach's book. I used a frozen pie crust and layered some shredded cheese on the bottom. Then, I added Jimmy Dean lean sausage crumbles, broccoli, turkey bacon, onion, and red pepper. I mixed the egg, milk, pepper, kosher salt, and nutmeg and poured it on top. I baked it for quite a while, at least an hour, but it was rather yummy! I have leveled out at around 193, but I know why I may have a few extra pounds now. ;-) I have been trying to stick to soft foods as much as possible because my stomach seems to like those much better. Definitely need to get more yogurt. :-)
Tomorrow I have a computer workshop after school until 6:45, and then I MUST come home and do LOTS AND LOTS of work. Please send good mojo to my laptop so that it can be fixed and returned quickly tomorrow so that I can begin the process of transferring everything to this computer. I do have a back-up, but I don't remember if I backed up this week, and I think that I may start to use an online back-up, too, . . remember, lots of good mojo!
Not a very exciting blog tonight, but I must end. Going to vote before work tomorrow in case I get held up after the workshop. So, until tomorrow. . .
Fingers crossed that my computer which decided to crap out on me tonight can be repaired. The time of day battery died again. Ugh. I need to get it fixed ASAP because I want to fix the video I made for the funeral home and ALL of my work is on there. I was in the middle of doing some work tonight and BOOM it shut down. My hubby totally rocks, though, and gave me his other computer. Since he isn't DJ'ing much anymore, he doesn't need a back-up per se, so I am going to take over the the computer that was pretty much rebuilt a few months ago. I am already on the search for a purple cover. :-) He is just too damn good to me.
The last few days have been a bit rough. The schedule is a bit insane at the moment and, quite frankly, I feel like I am sinking a bit. I need to get in gear. I feel like I make a dent in the work, and then I turn around and twenty more things have been added to it. If I find out who keeps adding those things to my list when I'm not looking, so help me. . . . ;-) I was up until 3:00 this morning doing some work, and tonight I crossed several things off of my to-do list that weren't important, but I just wasn't able to concentrate tonight. Thinking about Gram and Glenn and taking care of those I love. Then, the computer died, so that pretty much decided that not much could get done tonight.
My stomach has not been too happy with me, either, but I think that the craziness and schedule have affected that more than I want to admit. Lunch did not stay with me today, but I know that at school I eat too fast because I only have about 20-25 minutes to each lunch. Dinner was pretty good and I was able to eat it without too much trouble. I made an adapted version of the bacon and swiss quiche from Leach's book. I used a frozen pie crust and layered some shredded cheese on the bottom. Then, I added Jimmy Dean lean sausage crumbles, broccoli, turkey bacon, onion, and red pepper. I mixed the egg, milk, pepper, kosher salt, and nutmeg and poured it on top. I baked it for quite a while, at least an hour, but it was rather yummy! I have leveled out at around 193, but I know why I may have a few extra pounds now. ;-) I have been trying to stick to soft foods as much as possible because my stomach seems to like those much better. Definitely need to get more yogurt. :-)
Tomorrow I have a computer workshop after school until 6:45, and then I MUST come home and do LOTS AND LOTS of work. Please send good mojo to my laptop so that it can be fixed and returned quickly tomorrow so that I can begin the process of transferring everything to this computer. I do have a back-up, but I don't remember if I backed up this week, and I think that I may start to use an online back-up, too, . . remember, lots of good mojo!
Not a very exciting blog tonight, but I must end. Going to vote before work tomorrow in case I get held up after the workshop. So, until tomorrow. . .
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
I Bought a Coat!!!
I bought a new winter coat today!!! Now, to some of you that may not seem like a
big deal, but I haven’t had a winter coat in over 10 years. Being overweight, coats just felt bulky and
uncomfortable, so I never wore them. I
had a denim jacket that I wore -- that was it.
Today, I bought a new denim jacket AND a real winter coat! Another milestone in my journey - buying a
winter coat at Walmart, off-the-rack, XL. I wore that coat right outta the
store, one because I was so freaking proud of myself, and two, because it was
so freaking cold!!!
Eating
today was hit or miss. I had a couple
coffees (Keurig and Starbucks), a bit of the leftover chili, a mozzarella cheese
stick, a tiny bit of wedding soup, a cupcake, and a tiny bit of peanut
butter. Odd combinations, I know, but
things just haven’t been sitting well with me and I’ve felt really gassy and
bloated, so I have to go back and forth to see what I can handle and what I can’t. It wasn’t the best day, but I don’t feel
hungry at all. I still need to work on
drinking more clear liquids, though. I just don’t do it enough. I did eat two popsicles last night, so that
may be a way for me to get some clear liquid into the system, but I just need
to step it up a notch as far as that goes.
Today I had
a phone conference about my internship for my PhD program, and I feel so much
better about it! I revamped it so that I
am able to take on more of a leadership role in a few areas at school. My supervisor and professor were really happy
with the ideas, and I am stoked about the whole thing. It will be a challenge, but a rewarding one
that will give me authentic experience for what I want to do in the
future. It would be great if I could be
a curriculum director for the district, but that is not going to happen anytime
soon, unfortunately. I definitely need a
bit more experience before I am ready to take on that role, and I think that
the internship will provide that experience.
I also got
my tattoo in memory of my kitty, Puck. I
know I sound like a broken record, but damn, do I miss that cat. It’s perfect, and the perfect memory of
him. I can see it and hold it right to
my heart.
I didn’t
get home until almost 9:00, so unfortunately after unpacking the groceries,
paying bills, and taking care of some other household chores, there isn’t much
time left for “rel work”. I will have to
pick up the pace tomorrow so that I do not get too far behind this week. I want to be able to go out and enjoy my
hubby’s band Saturday night at the Youngwood Fire Hall. If you are a local reader, come on out! We
can dance to some great music!
On that
note, I am going to close and get some sleep.
Until tomorrow. . .
Latest "After" Shot, sporting my Halloween gear
My tattoo, You will always be my kitty <3
My buddy was always right by my side, no matter how late into the night I worked.
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