Hanging in There. . .

        I am exhausted at the moment.  I am not feeling well at all and hope that I simply have a horrible cold, rather than the flu.  I been feeling sick since late Tuesday night and have no energy.  It is so frustrating.  I have not been getting up in the morning to work out because I just do not have the energy to do so.  I know that Dr. Z. said that it would take me up to a year to get my energy back and that I am going to be tired since I am trying to maintain my normal schedule, but I am too impatient for this!  I did take an hour and half walk last Sunday along the Five Star Trail, doing some geocaching with Cira along the way; it felt great.  I have been trying to get course work done and keep up with school work, too, which means the late nights are back.  Even with a nap, I feel like I am perpetually tired.  A woman at the hairdressers who had the surgery told me that it was almost a year before she felt as if she had her energy back.  Also, she suggested zinc to help with hair loss, so I have added it to the regimen.
        The one bright spot in all of this was that I am down to 168.6!  I have noticed that I may gain a pound or two depending on my bathroom schedule, so that does help me from getting too upset when the scale fluctuates a few pounds over a few days.  Plus, it always gets a little weird during my favorite time of the month, but it is extremely rewarding to know that I am so close to bidding the 170s good-bye forever!!! I haven't weighed under 170 since 1999!!!!  Some of my size 12s are already starting to get too big on me. :-) At least I know that I can out them in the dryer.  Gosh, it's been a hell of a long time since I have wanted to shrink something in the dryer! I will get some pics in NYC and post updated ones next time, BTW.
        As for eating, Glenn and I had chili again Wednesday, and fish several times this week. We have eaten chili at least once a week since I found the recipe.  It is really good and has so much protein!  I tried the Nectar Syntrex protein drinks and I LOVE THEM!  They are made with a much finer powder and the taste is so much better. They feel less heavy in my stomach, too.  Definitely glad to have found them.  The protein shots arrived, too, and although the consistency is a bit much and they are very sweet, I can handle them for the one ounce that they are and the 15 grams of protein that they give me.  In all, I've had a bit of a sweet tooth this week, so I have indulged in a few pieces of candy and a spoonful of icing. . . but quickly returned to my Weight Watcher's ice cream sandwiches and hot chocolate as my sweets of choice.  I did have a sliver of angel food cake with fresh strawberries and dollop of light whipped topping after dinner at my brother's last night, too.  Overall, I don't miss the carbs or junk and have been able to make alternate choices when craving something in that food group, but the control that I am now able to exercise when faced with such treats is rewarding in and of itself.  I will NOT NEVER NO HOW IN NOW WAY SHAPE OR FORM go back to a size 22.
        Unfortunately, the only thing that is still plaguing me is the never-ending feeling of being overwhelmed and tired.  And, unfortunately, that is going to continue until this quarter of course work and internship are over.  I am trying really desperately to get my work completed before going to NYC from Thursday to Sunday, but I am not sure if that will happen.  If not, I will have to suck it up and do work there or when I get home Sunday.  The anger that I feel on a daily basis because I always have to put myself last is starting to bug me.  I am NOT a selfish person, but damn it, I would like to not have to worry about so much all of the time and just be able to enjoy things without the workload I have creeping in to the back of my mind.  Yes, I recognize that I did this to myself, but wanting to better myself as a person and a teacher should not mean that I have to sacrifice myself as a person in order to do so. Meh.
        With that said, it is time to wrap up a few items on the to-do list and try and get some sleep.  Until next time. . . .

Back to the Grind

         Well, it is time to get back to work.  PhD classes started today, and I spent yesterday tackling the to-do list. I had several things to that were just taking up brain space and lesson plans to get ready for the week, so I took care of those tasks first.  It was a busy weekend, for sure. Friday I got home around 6:45 and began the cleaning and undecorating  extravaganza.  I finished around 12 hours later, took a nap, and then went to get a brand new hairdo from Gwen.  I LOVE it! I am so glad that I didn't back out or stick to the same hair do. It feels so refreshing, and it really was easy to fix this morning. I blew it dry, used a flat iron quickly, and WAAA-LAAA! Done! A new look for a new leg of my journey. 
       I ordered some protein supplements tonight, too. Mellissa (thanks!) gave me the heads up on Provide Protein shots - 15grams of protein per ounce. That's awesome! I am supposed to get 60 - 80 grams a day, and that is pretty difficult.  Four of these shots would ensure that I got that amount.  Also, I ordered some sample packs of coffee and fruit flavored drinks. The fruit ones I can make into popsicles, too, so instead of eating a regular popsicle, I can have a protein one! I know that it is money to spend, but I certainly am not spending as much on food for me, so I can spend it on protein and make sure that I am getting the nutrition that I need. 
       As for weight loss, I have hit a snag. I have been hovering around 172-174 for over a week. I started exercising at 5 am last week, so I am giving myself time to adjust.  It's been rough because I am so tired, but I am going to keep plugging on -- I HAVE to keep this up or I will never reach my goals and maintain my new lifestyle.  It is so fun and exciting to go shopping, buy clothes and accessories, put together outfits, play with make-up.  I feel like a teenager again! I'm going to have to get a second (well, third or fourth, technically) job to fund my new habit!  I am trying to not let the guilt of spending so much money on myself outweigh my happiness at being able to enjoy these things again, though. It's hard to change those mental thoughts of not being worth the money so quickly. It will take a while before I stop thinking like the fat girl who wanted to just buy somethings to get by and go back home to hide. 
     Well, this is a short one, but morning comes earlier and I have a few things to finish up before I get some sleep. Until next time. . . 

New hair! Inverted bob -- I love it!! Late night photo isn't too flattering, though! LOL