It's Friday!

           Today has been a quick one -- boy, did time fly away!  It started off on a good note, for sure.  I stepped on the scale and I am down to 208.2! WOOOO HOOOOOO!  Good-bye 210s!!! I was more motivated to head to the basement and get on the treadmill after seeing that number.  I watched an episode of House Hunters while walking, and did some intervals of faster-slower while walking to make it more of a cardio exercise.  Also, I used the free weights, but I could definitely feel that more than yesterday, so it must be working, right?  I took Cira for a walk this evening, too.  We did a mile.  So, I walked a total of 2.53 miles today.  Step by step I will get there. 

            Eating has been good today, too.  I had a couple of the meatballs that I made last night for breakfast.  Mind you, they are not huge meatballs.  I got almost two dozen meatballs from a pound of lean ground meat.  I took three of them, mashed them into some sauce and sprinkled some shredded cheese over them before popping them in the microwave for a minute and a half.  They were scrumptious.  And, I have to remember that my eyes are definitely bigger than my head.  I took three meatballs, but only ate two.  Later, I had a wee bit of salmon with a bit of vinaigrette and hummus.  Another small meal consisted of some apple cinnamon BelVita crackers.  They are yummy and if you haven’t tried them - you must! Great snack, satisfy the need for something sweet, and they are nutritious.  I ended the day with some more meatballs prepared the same way.  I tried a protein shake, but it just wasn’t sitting well.  I tried to make a vanilla shake, but I must have put in too much powder or not mixed it enough because I could taste the powder.  It is in the fridge, and I am hoping that it will melt a bit and mix a bit more. 

            The fact that every time I step on the scale I can see a bit of a difference is a huge factor in my ability to see the light at the tunnel.  I knew that surgery would be the tool I needed to jumpstart my motivation to get back to a healthy lifestyle.  At one point today, I thought about still being able to enjoy pizza on Sundays or have a few wings with friends.  Suddenly, food wasn’t such a big deal.  I can have a small bit of pizza and I can have two or three wings.  Everything in moderation, as the advice states.  If I have pizza, then I don’t have another meal that includes many carbs that day.  I can have wings, but I have to watch the sugar and fat content of the sauce so that I don’t “dump”.  Plus, the chicken has to be moist so that it doesn’t get stuck in my pouch or on the way down.  There are a few more things for me to consider when having a meal, but that doesn’t mean that I am going to never be able to socially eat again.  My priorities have shifted, ‘tis all.

            Thank you for listening to me vent the last few days.  I am working hard to cope with the changes that are and will be occurring in my life, and the last week or so has been tough.  There is so much running through my mind and sometimes I just need to get it out in order to start making sense of it all, you know?  Being a writer, getting it out on paper, in words, really helps me to sort through my thoughts and figure out which can stay and which can go.  The last two days have given me a chance to get things off of my chest and begin to think rationally again, and I thank you all for putting up with my thought bubbles bursting.

            And with that, I am going to close for tonight.  Until tomorrow . . .   

Time for Sleep!

            Today has been another exhausting day, but I made it through without a nap.  Bonus!!  I woke up and went to the basement to walk on the treadmill and was met with a wet floor.  The sink drain must have overflowed when I was cleaning yesterday, so I had to move everything out of the way, throw one rug in the trash, and tried to dry out the floor and big rug.  Glenn stopped home and we cut the big rug and threw most of it away, too.  The floor was dried by the time that he had rehearsal tonight, but we will need to get some sort of carpet for the basement so that it will absorb some of the sound.  There were a few issues with sound tonight.  Plus, I gotta take care of my guys. :-)  I can't have them standing on just plain concrete!

            The treadmill went well.  I did some tricep exercises with the three pounds weights while walking.  After 30 minutes, I had walked 1.35 miles.  Not exceptional, but I think that it is pretty good for being two days away from my month anniversary.  I did some chest exercises on the machine, too.  It felt good, but as I was walking the realization hit me that if I want to be sure to exercise, I HAVE to do it in the morning because the evenings get shot to H-E- Double Hockey Sticks so quickly.  It was nice for the four months Glenn and I were getting up and working out -- we got to spend time together every morning.  However, it was so tiring and I pretty much crashed every night when I got home.  That cannot happen because I am going to have PhD work to complete.  I have to make it work somehow.  Losing weight will be much more successful without an exercise regimen.  I emailed a former student who is a personal trainer and he is going to put together some work outs for me that focus on the areas that have the potential for the most sag.  He is awesome like that! So, I am going to think about this new change and figure out a way to make this work. 

            Eating today has been pretty good, too.  I have to say that I cheated tonight.  I was really craving something sweet.  This morning, I made an egg with protein powder, milk, and some cheese for breakfast, but only ate half of it.  Then, I ordered a piece of grilled salmon for dinner while at my meeting and ate not even a fourth of it.  I brought it home and had a bit of it with the egg from earlier.  Then, I wanted something sweet, so while I was packing Glenndini’s lunch and making some meatballs that I can freeze and have readily available, I defrosted one of the cookies from Jena’s and Tim’s wedding in August.  It was perfect.  I was a bit worried about the sugar and fat causing me to “dump”, but I was fine.  And one cookie was perfect.  Boy, how different than before when I would eat cookie after cookie until I was so full that I felt sick.  It felt good to indulge a bit, but know that I have control of the amount of indulgence.  The meatballs smell fabulous, too! I can’t wait to have one for breakfast!

            Well, sleep is creeping up on me, so I am going to close for now.  Another busy one tomorrow.  So until then . . . 

A Case of the Blahs . . .

            Well, I crashed on the couch last night - it was a long day, lol.  I did a bit more painting on the porch, cleaned up the house a bit, went to the MRI, read a bit, and was out like a light.  I have been moving pretty slowly all day, too, and just kind of blah.  Maybe it’s the weather. It’s chilly and rainy and overcast. . . just kind of a blah day.  I am not sure why, but I think that I am simply burned out.  I never take a break from anything because I know that I won’t want to get started again.  And this time is no different, I fear.  I am so tired of being tired, and I know that being tired is not going to change when I go back to work in a few weeks.  It will be back to working “balls to the wall” (excuse the expression) and trying to keep up with everything and all of the things that I have visions of enjoying will go right down the tubes again.  I have got to get out of this selfish phase.  It’s starting to make me really angry because I am really not this type of person. 

            I am starting to get a bit concerned about the amount of time that I am going to have to dedicate to cooking and preparing food, too.  I know that sounds a bit crazy, but Glenn and I are not kitchen folks.  Maybe after we remodel the kitchen we will be, LOL, but with our goofy schedules, we do not always take the time to prepare meals as well or nutritionally as we should prepare them.  That is going to take a considerable amount of time.  I am a bit worried about trying to fit everything in - exercise, work, household chores, PhD, food preparation.  Ugh.  I am getting tired thinking about it.  I am so excited for the future, but think that I may need to get a new job that doesn’t take up so much of my time and energy in order to meet the demands of my new way of life.  In a way, I am being selfish, but selfish with my time.  I don’t want to spend so much time on work or chores or things of that nature.  I want to spend time singing, acting, hanging out with Glenndini, and doing things that we enjoy doing.  Finding a balance is going to be a bigger challenge than actually going through the surgery, I think.  I didn’t expect to be dealing with this type of emotion.  Getting used to thinking about food differently, yes.  Being a bit anxious and hesitant about eating again, yes.  Figuring out how in the hell I am going to afford to buy new clothes, yes.  But not wanting to go back to work because it is impeding on my chance to regain some of my life back and have some of the fun that I’ve put aside because of my weight, no.  Maybe going off of the Zoloft was a bad idea . . .

            Don’t get me wrong. I love my job, I do.  I think that I am just so tired of the overriding belief within society that teachers are not worth their salaries and have no right to expect to be compensated for the time, effort, and money that they invest in not only their educations, but also the educations of every child in the country.  It is so defeating to constantly be told that I “get paid enough” or that “I wish I could make that much a year and only work nine months”.  Seriously.  I wish that I could only work nine months.  I work throughout the summer and, contrary to popular belief, am not paid for that time.  I don’t mind working if people appreciate it.  It’s the huge presence of non-appreciation that is starting to make me wonder in what direction this country is truly headed.  People are more upset about the hockey lock-out and the NFL referees than they are educational issues or other economic plights.  Really?  Why is it okay for those two organizations to be on strike and no one is questioning their motives, but if a teachers’ union or nurses’ union or any other working-class union goes on strike, the country is in an uproar and ready to burn effigies of the horrible offenders?   Grr.  Ugh.  Meh.   

            On a positive note (and before I get even more depressed), I took Cira for a stroll around the top loop of the neighborhood, which I believe is a half mile.  She didn’t pull me or drag me around!! I think that at night there is less for her to be interested in, so she doesn’t become so excited.  I might hold off on the Halti leash for awhile and see if this is a phase or a new way of life for her, too.  Also, Dr. DeJesus called and said that my MRI was good - there are simply fatty deposits in my liver, no holes or masses.  He said that there was some change in my skin because of the bypass surgery and that there was some fluid in my lungs.  I feel fine, though, but I did pick up my breathing exercises again.  I had been slacking on those.  Overall, nothing to worry about as far as the MRI could show.  And, despite the mood described above, I did print the new educational standards and update a unit for my trimester class, revising some things and making sure that the curriculum aligns to the new standards.  Tomorrow, I plan to really crank out some work on the online courses that I am developing.  Like I said, no one is taking them so there is not a big rush, but I need to get a grip on them before it gets too late.  I don’t want to have to kick it into high gear if someone does register.  But for now, I am going to try and get a few winks and give my racing mind a break.  Something has to lift me out of the doldrums soon. . . I hate when I get like this.  So, with a hope for a new day, I will go to bed.

            Until tomorrow. . . 

Better Day :-)

            Today has been a full day, and I am feeling it, for sure.  I did some priming on the porch, and wore a support belt around my stomach. Let me tell you, I can feel that moving around now - I am S-O-R-E.  Then, I went to the doctor’s, came home, had some lunch, and read for a bit.  Finally, I went to see my brother-in-law's acoustic show at Teddy’s.  Had a nice time visiting with friends while there, too.  This was the first day that I did not take a nap, and I am glad that I didn't; however, I can tell that tomorrow is not going to be too exciting.  The energy is just drained.  Tomorrow will be a bit easier of a day, with some desk work and the MRI - fingers crossed that the IV team can find a vein that will work.  Definitely need to take a break tomorrow. 

            The doctor's visit went well and I am feeling a bit better about things.  I weighed myself before I left, and the scale read 209.6.  Being under 210 made me very happy! At his office, I weighed 212.  Meh.  I asked Dr, Z. about my concerns with not losing that much. Since my visit with him 14 days ago, I have only lost 8 pounds according to his record.  He said that as long as the scale goes down, he is not worried.  He told me to keep exercising and watching portions.  If the scale goes up, then he would worry.  So, I am going to try really, really hard to be okay with that and his way of thinking.  As for the bad breath issue, he said that there isn’t much stomach acid to be making any sort of gas in my belly that would be expelled as such, but it could be the diet change and the foods that I am eating.  He told me to monitor it as I start to expand my food choices.  Also, he gave me my back to work note for October 15^th, but is allowing me to work for October 2^nd and Open House.   The second is a computer workshop.  It will be a good transition back to the job, LOL.  Slow and steady, right?   My next appointment with him is December 17^th, so hopefully I can lose some more weight and really be proud to walk into his office at that time.

            Tomorrow I am going to tackle some more tasks for school - job school. LOL.  Lots of things running through my mind about lessons, curriculum, collaboration, etc.  I need to make a few phone calls and work on my online classes.  I hope to knock out a few weeks for each of them, too.  No one has registered for them as of now, so I don’t have to stress about getting them completely done, but I would like to have them ready to go before my PhD courses start in two weeks.  It is a lot to try and accomplish, but I hope to put a dent in it, if nothing else. 

            Well, the time has come to head to bed.  I need to pack Glenndini’s lunch and get some sleep so that I can be up somewhat early and tackle my to-do list.

            Until tomorrow. . . 

No Time To Be This Tired

           Boy, today has been a long day and I have not felt well all day.  I am trying to work up to a full day of activity, but the last few days have just caught up to me.  I fell asleep during the football games and am getting ready to go to bed shortly.  It is not going to be a typical all-nighter for me today.  I have had stomach cramps all day, and eating and drinking have not helped.  I am hoping that it is just gas.  I really think that I have overdone it a bit physically, but there are just too many things to get accomplished and I can’t relax when I am home and know that they need to be done.  Yes, I know that they will be there tomorrow, but that’s the kind of thinking that keeps them on the to-do list.  No one will be here to do them for me, so I need to bite the bullet and get them finished.  I hate how tired I feel all of the time.  I don’t have time to be tired.  Thank goodness I go to the doctor’s tomorrow - I just have too many questions that I need to have answered.  

            Tomorrow is another long day.  I have to get up in the morning and prime the porch so that the wood will not get ruined if it rains.  The porch is coming along! My hubby and father-in-law worked long and hard today to get most of the framing done -- until they ran out of wood. It is going to be awesome!  Glenn found an online company that can make the screens for the top portion of the porch for a little over $200, which is not bad and will save so much time and headache.  It is finally starting to come together. Someday soon I will be able to enjoy the evening on my porch. :-)

            I am coming to terms with the fact that relaxation is not going to occur for the rest of my leave, too.  I am a bit bummed about that because I had visions of reading and cross-stitching, but those are slowly fading and reality is taking over.  I just have too many things to accomplish for school so that I can at least have half of a chance at being able to keep up when I go back, stuff to get ready for speech and debate season, the two online classes to develop that are my internship for my PhD program, and another quarter of PhD classes that will be starting in two weeks.  Needless to say, maybe I will get one book read, but with all of that and keeping up with the house, well, there is no relaxation in my future.  It is really starting to bum me out.  I don’t know why it is so hard for me to just accept that I will never be able to just sit around and do what I want for a day, but sometimes I get so angry. I know that some of the work is because of projects that I undertake, but I am just so tired and burned out.  I didn’t realize how much so until now.  As much as I love my job, I have caught myself wishing for a job where I didn’t have to bring anything home and when I came home, I came home.  Then I could focus on singing and acting and reading and writing and  . . . well, all of the things that I never have time to do because I have to do stuff for work.  I feel so selfish thinking that way; who do I think I am thinking that I deserve that kind of life?  I have to work hard and suck it up like everyone else.  Oh well, no sense in wishing. . . I just have to work really hard to get over it and quit whining.  As Scarlett said, “Tomorrow is another day!”

             So, until tomorrow. . .

Sleepy, Sleepy Girl

            Whew!  What a busy day yesterday - I was whooped and passed out on the couch when I got home.  I just slid down from a sitting position, fell asleep, and woke up at around 9:00 a.m.  Just a long day of errands and celebrating Dad’s birthday.  To start, the MRI did not happen.  I got there, got on the table, and when the nurses tried to put the IV in, they couldn’t get my veins to cooperate.  Apparently, not eating or drinking much causes the veins to shrink up a bit, so they couldn’t get a good one that would enable them to push the contrast for the test.  So, I left with a $5 Walmart gift card and an appointment for Tuesday at the hospital with the IV team to prep me for the MRI.  Wish me luck then!

            The rest of the day consisted of a few errands and trying to catch a nap.  Glenndini and I went to Lowe’s to get supplies for the porch and gutters projects and then to see my parents.  Dad’s birthday was Wednesday, and they were going to DeGennaro’s for a few drinks and to hang out with friends.  I brought home two meatballs and put them into the blender -- Yummy!  It was so good and a nice change from the soup and yogurt. I had plenty of leftovers, so I had some for lunch today.

            This morning I got up and cleaned up the flowerbeds while my Dad and Glenn worked on the gutters, put up the new porch light, and put in the new lights for the bedrooms.  Add that to the walking I did yesterday and the painting and housework from the week and I am one sore and whooped girl.  I actually fell asleep in the bathtub, lol.  For an hour!  I went to see The Drowsy Chaperone at McKeesport Little Theater tonight with my mom, Greg, and his mom.  Funny, hilarious, awesome show!  It was a great time and wonderful to see so many of my friends.  I really miss being onstage, too. Soon enough . . .

            I had to have Glenndini put an extra notch in my belt because it was too big. That is a great thing, but I am still a bit bummed because I have not lost much more weight.  I know that it is supposed to come off and I have been doing some physical work; however, I still can’t help but think that I am doing something wrong.  I really need to talk to Dr. Z. on Monday and see what is up.  I do feel better, though.  I actually kind of enjoyed doing my hair and make-up to go out.  I sorted through the closet and got rid of a few more things, too.   I should just get rid of it all, but I am not ready for that.  I still need some things to wear until I buy a few things to start school in a few weeks.  I am a little anxious about shopping, though, because I don’t want my expectations to be too high.  I don’t want to be bummed out because I am not buying clothes that are much smaller.  I know that I have to keep it in perspective, but I think that I have expectations that might be a bit too big.

            Well, this girl is beat and must get some rest. Go Steelers!

            Until tomorrow . . .

             

A Bit of Frustration. . .

            I have completed painting all of the doors!!! Woot! I moved slowly and it took me all day -- I mean all day -- but they are finally finished.  It felt so good to cross that one off of the to-do list because it has been there for months!!  Glenndini’s lunch is packed, and I am getting ready to pack it in for bed.  I have an MRI in the morning to see if the masses in my liver that were present during the pre-surgery testing have disappeared.  Popular opinion among the surgeons and my GI doctor were that they were fatty deposits that would disappear when I lost weight.  So, tomorrow I find out. I am pretty certain that they were just that and nothing serious.  Dr. Z. had to move my liver out of the way to perform my bypass, so if anything looked really out-of-whack he would have noticed . . .I would think!

            I am a bit frustrated, though, because I don’t feel as if I am losing any more weight.  Now, I know that the past week was that awesome week of the month and there is always at least a five pound weight gain, if not more, but I am just feeling a bit anxious.  I was 225 the morning of surgery, and I was 211 earlier today. I just feel like I should have lost more than that.  I am not eating more than I should, or food that I shouldn’t eat.  Today, I had two meals of cottage cheese, less than ¼ cup each, and a Breakfast Essentials.  I had some coffee and a bottle and a half of water.  I am not hungry at all, but I do feel like I can’t drink enough to quench my thirst at times because I can only have a few sips at a time.  I am going to have to check with Dr. Z. on Monday and see what I am doing wrong.

            The cable box is almost ready to go, lol.  I need to buy another coaxial cable so that it can be hooked up.  Then I will be in business.  I am hoping to get better at the Wii games, too.  I didn’t want to strain myself too much -- I am so afraid of messing up an incision or getting a hernia or something -- so I just did a few little games.  Boy, do I feel like a klutz! Haha.  Lots of work to do on the bubble game, but it was fun to play a few of them before I entered painting land. 

            Well, I am going to get some sleep.  Happy Friday everyone!

            Until tomorrow . . . 

Keep 'em Crossed!

            Well, the computer is on the mend, thanks to Jason at Cyber Depot in Youngwood!  Apparently the hard drive crashed, and it was just a coincidence that the virus showed up at the same time.  So, we are getting a new hard drive, reloading the operating system, and then uploading any of the files that Jason is able to recover.  He was able to pull some, but no idea how many or which ones.  Still need fingers crossed for as much recovery as possible, but I feel a TON better that it wasn’t something that I did that crashed the laptop.  Not that I want anything to happen to it, but at least I know that I wasn’t the cause. At any rate, my baby’s computer is getting fixed.  I must thank my neighbor for making the guys at the Depot brownies as a thank you, though.  Her brownies rock! Thanks, Barb!

            I did not get my Wii in today, though.  I was so stressed over the computer issue and did not sleep well at all.  When I got home after taking it to the shop, I crashed until 8:00 p.m.!! Holy moly! So, I have been working on some other tasks -- listing items on eBay, working on cornices, etc.  Tomorrow is Wii day.  Also, I tried to hook up the new Comcast box downstairs in the workout area, but there is no cable there, LOL.  I was trying to hook it up to a cable wire, but it wasn’t connected to anything.  Oops.  I will have to work on that tomorrow.  Or, um, I will have to have Glenndini work on that tomorrow. :-)  I want to start working out so badly because I want it to be a habit before I go back to work, but I am still limited as far as what I can do.  I just need to get in there and get started, and take what I can do one step at a time.

            Eating has been pretty good, but today I just can’t find something that tastes good.  I tried to make some egg whites, turkey bacon, and cheese; I prepared everything and blended it.  It was okay, but just didn’t sit well.  It might have been the turkey bacon.  I had some pudding and a jello, but nothing else was clicking for me.  I am going to have some cream of wheat before I head to bed.  Can’t go wrong with cream of wheat, right?  I am anxious to start moving to some soft foods.  I meet with Dr. Z. on Monday, so I am excited to see what the next step will be in the diet journey.  I know the next stage is soft food, which will make it nice to not have to puree everything.  I will still need to take care to chew things really, really well and not take big bites, but I am learning to do that pretty easily.  I am going to have to put a baby spoon in my purse to use at restaurants to ensure that I am aware of the bites that I am taking.  I am really hungry for mashed potatoes, which are on the “stay away from” list, but I may get some to mix with chicken for the soft food stage. It will help to soften them up.  Need to check on that!

            Holy Moly!  It is chilly!  I refuse to turn the heat on, though.  I am excited to get the fire pit up and running in a week or so.  A friend is taking the ghetto pool, so when that is picked up, we can move the pit to that area and prepare for some evening fires and time spent with friends.  It is so relaxing to the just chill by the fire. 

            On that note, the time has come to pack Glenndini’s lunch and start wrapping up for the night/morning.  It will be great to cuddle up in the covers and get some shut eye so that I can prepare for what tomorrow brings.

            Until tomorrow . . . 

Fingers crossed!

            I apologize for being AWOL yesterday, but I fell asleep at 7 p.m. and woke up at 6:43 a.m.!!  I was exhausted.  I finished my last assignment at 9:14 a.m. and only slept for approximately four hours before I was awake.  Needless to say, I wasn’t worth much yesterday.  I did a few things, but nothing worth mention.  I received my grade, though -- 100%!!! So the lack of ZZZZZs was totally worth it.  Now, I have three weeks to recuperate before the next quarter begins.  Of course, I have tons of to-do list items to keep me busy during that time, LOL.  I am excited to be able to give my attention to other tasks without feeling guilty or having my homework hanging over my head. 

            I decided last night that I am going to take the full six weeks leave from work.  I cleaned the house today; it took forever.  I am exhausted and sore and tired.  It took me over five hours to clean a little two bedroom house.  There is no way that I will be able to keep up at school because the pace is GO! GO! GO! all of the time.  I have classes, forensic team and competitions, creative writing club, union stuff, and so much more -- and my day doesn’t end at 3:30.  There are many nights when I spend three or four hours working at home.  Truthfully, I need the full six weeks to recover physically, as well as mentally. I have been trying to push myself a bit each day as far as physical exercise and movement, and work hard to keep myself in a good place mentally.  The mental changes are going to be just as challenging and rewarding as are the physical challenges, but I refuse to let them get the best of me.  So, I am going to take the time I need to adjust and get used to the new me.  I can’t lose sight of the greatness of this journey I have begun, and that the physical changes are in some ways the smallest of those changes.

            Tomorrow I am going to break out the Wii Fit games and start to use them.  I really enjoy some of them, and they are low-key.  I was even thinking about getting a Zumba game for Wii.  The entertainment factor of me trying to do Zumba is enough to make anyone giggle, lol.  I do have a Broadway choreography game, but I am horrible at that one.  I am really not a dancer, lol.

            At any rate, I am not having a good evening.  Glenndini’s computer got a virus and I ran a spyware program to get rid of it, as I have done in the past.  Well, this time was horrible.  Now, it will not load or start at all.  I am sick to my stomach - what’s left of it - and spent four hours trying to figure out how to fix it.  I am just not able.  I can’t believe that I ruined his computer.  I am going straight to the computer shop in the morning and hope that it can be fixed.  We can’t really afford a new computer right now, so say prayers and keep fingers and toes crossed for me.  My neighbor said that she would make the guys more brownies if they treated me well, so hopefully they are hungry for more of her awesome brownies!  I know that I will not be able to sleep, though.  I am just too upset.  I know that things like this happen; I just hate when they are my fault.  I’m sorry, Glenndini. We will get it working again ASAP. 

            Well, on that note, I am going to close, try to take care of a few more tid bits and attempt to ease my mind, and get some sleep.  Keep sending the good mojo!   

            

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

            HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GLENNDINI!!!!   Today is my hubby’s Bday, so if you see him be sure to wish him a great one!

            Well, today has been long, quite exhausting, and will not be ending for many, many hours.  However, when it does, I will be finished with the last PhD course assignment for the quarter. WHEW! It has definitely been a bit crazy with the surgery and everything that goes along with it, but I am pretty darn proud of myself for keeping up with everything, taking care of the household and chores, and only needing an extension of three days.  This assignment is insanely long and intense, but I know what I am doing and where I am heading. My mantra for the night/wee hours of the morning is “Slow and steady wins the race”.  In fact, as you are all getting up and ready for the day, I will be finishing my work and heading to the bed for a nap, LOL. It is worth it, though.  I am getting so close to achieving this goal, too.

            I made an interesting pureed dinner this evening.  I haven’t eaten too much today.  Now, I know that I don’t eat too much any day, but I felt as if I’d overdone it a bit yesterday.  Not sure why, just did.  Maybe it was the icing I ate off of a cupcake from Glenndini’s bday KISS Kupcakes.  Today, I had a small bit of white chocolate sugar free-fat free pudding for breakfast, a total of two cups of black coffee, over 32 ounces of water, and a ¼ cup of cream, of potato soup. I bought a box of organic mac & cheese the other day which had 10g of protein! Tonight I prepared it and mixed it with some steamed broccoli and ground turkey sautéed with onion and red pepper.  Glenndini was able to add his hot sauce and enjoy; however, I put it in the Magic Bullet blender with a bit more milk and fat free shredded cheddar cheese.  It was pretty good!  I admit that getting past the unexpected texture can be a bit weird, it honestly tastes pretty similar to eating it non-pureed. I think the greatest difference is that the flavors are more intermingled when food is pureed, so some of the flavors weren’t as distinguishable.  At any rate, I definitely felt a bit fuller than usual and quicker, too. 

            I am so looking forward to the three week break between PhD quarters.  I know that they will go quickly, but it will be nice to not have homework on my mind every time I want to do something around the house, work on designing my online courses, or simply watch some HGTV.  I always have a to-do list a mile long; yet, knowing that there will be a few less tasks on it makes me feel a bit more relaxed.  I already have a ridiculous list of things to accomplish tomorrow/later today, LOL.  The difference is that none of them HAVE to be done.  I need to work on not feeling guilty every time I take a minute to do something that I want to do.  I have put aside so many activities that I enjoy because of time, but I want to change that as part of this journey.  Even if it is for 30 minutes a day, I want to work hard at making time for me. That may be the hardest part of the journey!

             Well, it is time to get back to my work, although this blog entry has been a welcomed break from the project, but as Robert Frost wrote, I have “miles to go before I sleep”.

            Until tomorrow . . . 

It Fits!

            Boy, am I whooped!  A very full day, for sure.  This morning started off with a bit of putzing around the house before I sat down to begin my last assignment for PhD courses this quarter.  I was able to get an extension for some of the work that I missed the week of the surgery.  I don’t want to drag it out too long, though.  I need to be finished by Monday so that I can enjoy some time off between quarters.  Tomorrow that is the main and only goal of the day -- finish the project.  It will be a long day, but it will be worth it! 

            This afternoon I went to the benefit and was able to wear jeans that I haven’t worn in about four years!  That was awesome.  I had to stop on the way home to buy a new bra, too.  I went down two band sizes, from 42 to 40.  WOOT!  That makes the weight loss seem so much more real.  It just felt so good to be trying on something that was smaller instead of larger.  Tonight, I surprised Glenn for his birthday.  His birthday is actually Monday, but he mentioned a few weeks ago that he wanted to celebrate his birthday at the show on the 15^th.  Little did he know that I made arrangements with our friend to make cupcakes with KISS decorations.  KISS is Glenn’s favorite band. He saw her Tuesday and asked if she was coming to the show and if she was making him Oreo cupcakes, LOL.  She told him that she wasn’t able to come (truth) and wasn’t sure that she could make cupcakes (lie).  The other part of the surprise was that I was able to wear the outfit I wore the night we met.  I haven’t been able to wear it for years, but kept it because I knew it was his favorite.  Well, tonight I wore it!!!! Unfortunately, only two friends made it to the show, but we still had a nice time and the rest of the audience enjoyed the bonus cupcakes, LOL. 

            When I came home, I tried on a few other pieces of clothing that I have been saving for years because I liked them and always hoped that I could wear them again.  I got on a skirt and two skorts!!! I was able to button them easily, too!  It was such a rewarding day all around, and I got to hang out watching my hubby and the band twice. Now, I am very exhausted and feeling pretty sore.  Might have overdone it quite a bit today, but it was worth it to see my Glenndini happy.  I love you, baby!

            Now, to get some sleep.  Until tomorrow. . .  

My Glenndini and I <3

What a Day

            Alas, a sad day.  I was not able to join the gym, I am afraid.  I was looking over the good ol’ finances, and it is just not feasible at the moment.  I still have to pay a good bit for this last quarter of PhD work because the student loan didn’t cover everything; I went on a required four-day colloquium and that brings tuition costs up for the quarter. I need to pay off the balance so that Capella will release my transcripts so that I can get my pay raise. Ugh.  Then, to add to the not-so-good mojo for the day, I called to register for my Italian course -- there is a waiting list! Boo!!! THEN, I went to leave to go to the post office and my car wouldn’t start. L  Four strikes for me today - no gym, no raise, no Italian, no car.

            Now, normally I would have gone straight to the pantry and chowed down on something carb-filled in the comfort food category or eaten a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. No more, though.  I am redirecting my frustration by tackling a few phone calls and office tasks.  I have come to terms with the gym situation, too, and know that it is for the best.  I can still be excited about working out, but I will just do it in my house.  I have everything I need in the basement -- treadmill, ab lounger, free weights, weight machine, stepper platform -- and a bike, Wii, and a few workout DVDs.  I just need to reach deep and find the strength to make myself do it.  The cost of joining the gym just really doesn’t make sense when I have access to everything I need.  We are going to get another cable box so that there will be cable on the little TV down there, too. 

            Plus, I really want to focus on getting some house projects completed so that I can enjoy the porch. :-) Not to mention all of those new clothes I will have to buy, which will be pretty costly since I will be starting over from scratch several times throughout the next six months to a year.  I know that it sounds like I am rationalizing my decision, but it really is about being realistic.  I think that I got caught up in the idea because it was something new and different; however, in the words of Dorothy, “If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t go looking beyond my own backyard because if it isn’t there, then I never really lost it in the first place.”  I have what I need here in my home; no need to go elsewhere just to go elsewhere. 

            I may have discovered a food that bothers me, but this is a very uneducated and preliminary statement, and one that makes me a bit sad if it turns out to be true.  Peanut Butter.  Last week I made a yummy peanut butter cup protein shake, but it didn’t sit too well after several yummy sips.  Tonight I had three baby spoons of peanut butter.  Literally it was just over a teaspoon, if that.  However, I have felt a bit uncomfortable since eating it.  Let’s hope that this is something that will go away as the months pass.  Maybe it will be like the coffee incident, lol. 

            Well, today has been a long day and I am feeling a bit more worn out and tired than usual.  Tomorrow is the fundraiser at Irwin Park for Anthony Peperato.  Stop by if you get the chance!! It’s for a great cause and puts my bad day in perspective, for sure.

            Until tomorrow. . . .

;

Thursday's Thoughts

Whew! What a day! My back is sore as all get out from sitting too much at the desk last night to do some work, so today I spent the day painting the doors in my house.  Six doors.  Holy, moly, it took me hours to get three coats of red on two of them and a coat of white on four of them.  I am not a big fan of painting by any means, but I do know that the final product will be one step closer to finishing another aspect of our house re-do.  Glenn and his dad are going to work on the porch in a two weeks, and I am so stoked! I love the idea of sitting outside on the screened porch reading or doing some work with the fall breezes. Plus, it’s another room that I can decorate.  I love going to antique stores and shops and finding pieces to mix in with new pieces.  Even before HGTV made do-it-yourself decorating popular, it was a hobby that I truly enjoyed. 

            Well, Glenndini and I chatted and I am going to join the gym tomorrow at the mid-level initiation, with the mid-level monthly payment. Then, instead of him joining, too, I can get a guest pass that allows me to bring up to two guests when I go to the gym.  The catch is that I have to be there, but he said he probably wouldn’t go without me anyway, so it is a perfect deal.  In fact, it’s cheaper than if he were to join himself! I was excited about possibly swimming tomorrow, but I remembered that I am not allowed to soak or be submerged in water until my incisions are completely healed.  Dang it! At any rate, tomorrow will be another BIG step in my journey.  I am very self-conscious about my weight, especially to go into a gym, even though I know that I have made awesome progress so far.  However, I know that this is the next step that I must take in my journey, and so here I go!

            I weighed myself this evening - 214 even. Yippee!!!! Seriously, I haven’t been at that weight for almost seven years!!!! Granted my belly still seems to be retaining some fluid weight, but I know that will go away as I continue to recover and walk.  Needless to say, seeing that number on the scale was another boost in the “I want to join the gym” motivation. 

            As for PhD courses, I have one more major project to complete for Monday morning, and then I get a three week break from that work. Woo Hoo! I definitely need to step away from the PhD zone for a bit.  Although I will be working on stuff for my job, it will be refreshing to be doing something different, yet still focused on education.  For now, I am off to pack Glenndini’s lunch, tie up a few things, and hit the hay for my big day tomorrow.

            Until then. . . 

I Gotta Let Me Be Me

            Just made some pureed egg whites with cheese, dash of salt & pepper, and three spritzes of butter.  It is very yummy. :-)   Also, I packed Glenndini’s lunch and made a new batch of puddings and jellos.  We should be stocked up for a few days, LOL.  As I make these small meals or do these little things in the kitchen, I am getting excited about trying some new recipes from my Biggest Loser cookbook.  There are some great looking recipes that will let us eat good food and be healthy at the same time.  Susan Leach’s book has a recipe for hummus.  Can we discuss how much I love hummus?  I need to find something that I can eat with it that resembles a cracker without the carbs.  Maybe some low fat, low carb tortillas roasted just a bit to be a tad crunchy . . . gotta check into that!

            I went to LA Fitness and talked to Steve.  I think that I am going to join on Friday.  I am not sure which plan I want to go with as far as no initiation fee, higher monthly payment -- or high initiation fee, low monthly payment.  I feel guilty about spending the money to join a gym when I have the equipment in the basement; however, I know that this will motivate me to go and I can work with a trainer to get some focus on my triceps and stomach so that I am not too flabby as I lose the weight.  If I stop on the way home, exercise will happen.  If I think that I will do it once I get home, not so much.  I use my floor pedaler, light free weights, and such, but a true workout needs to happen in a way that I feel obligated.  Plus, when I am around other people who exercise, it is motivating and makes me want to do it even more so.  I need to chat with Glenndini a bit more and see which plan works best for me and our pocketbook. 

            I really miss being able to walk Cira, though.  I had been talking her for walks every night/ridiculously early morning and looked forward to it.  Plus, it is getting to be cooler weather and I would love to take her geocaching.  Not for a while longer, though, because she pulls on me too hard and I do not want to risk injuring myself or messing up my incisions or surgical sites.  Hopefully by mid-October I will be able to get back to our walking routine.  Her little face breaks my heart when I let her out and she looks at me as if to say, “Aren’t we going for a walk, Mom?” 

            Being the nerdy English teacher that I am, I love to read and to write.  I have written several poems over the years, many of which I am proud, and I have tons of lines scrawled onto napkins, scraps of paper, margins, etc. that have not found their home as of yet.  I was rearranging things in the office, including where my writing journals are stored, and came across this blurb:

So I gotta take it easy

Gotta take it slow

Gotta keep in mind

Gotta try to see

That no matter how high I climb

No matter how low I go

I gotta let me be me

Nothing fancy, but it struck me because it hit upon the reason that surgery has meant so much to me.  It is a tool by which I can let me be me -- again.  That last line should be everyone’s mantra; when things seem to be getting you down or you are feeling out-of-whack, repeat it to yourself while smiling.  Be who you are, and be proud!

            Until tomorrow. . . .

Pants on the Ground, LOL

            Hello friends! Today has been a full day, even though I do not feel as if I accomplished much.  I finished a paper, accomplished a few errands, went to the funeral home for a friend’s father, and hung out with my friend Greg.  We worked on making a care package for a mutual friend who is away from home and having a bit of a rough time.  It is funny and silly and should make him smile.  Then, Greg wrapped the basket that I put together for the benefit that Glenn’s band is playing Saturday.  Remember all of those awesome Christmas decorations at Greengate Mall and Westmoreland Mall?  And, do you know the stagecoach light display at Overly’s Country Christmas?  Yep - Greg’s work.  Needless to say, the basket’s bow is fabulous!!

            Tomorrow I have an appointment at LA Fitness with Steve.  He is going to show me the gym and discuss options.  When I was teaching in VA, I went to the gym every day after school, and many times on the weekends as well. Or, my friend Jill and I would go hiking or shopping or some other adventure.  I ran five+ miles at least twice a week, and was mindful of what I ate.  I didn’t deny myself anything, but if I had a day or weekend when I indulged, I would check myself for a few days to get back on track.  I would grab my Walkman (yes, I said Walkman) and go for a walk if I was having a bad day, instead of grabbing a pint of ice cream like I have done in recent years.  Well, no more!  I am going to learn to love exercise again as it helps me learn to love my body again.  Steve told me that a woman who recently had gastric bypass just signed up a few days ago; I may suggest that they do some marketing toward that constituency.  I mean, we are able to work out, but face it, most of us haven’t for many years.  Adding some nutrition counseling or things of that sort may get them some more business and form a “family” of gastric bypass folks who feel welcomed within the gym. 

            On a lighter note, my taste buds are reacquainting themselves with coffee and the love affair is rekindling.  :-D I am still limiting my caffeine intake by only having one or two cups of regular coffee a day, if that, but it is so nice to feel like myself again and enjoy a nice cup of joe.  Food-wise, I ate the same foods as yesterday - pureed chicken in cream soup and Cream of Wheat.  The dietician advises patients to introduce new foods back into the diet slowly in order to identify problem foods.  Too many foods at one time will not reveal which are problematic.  Tomorrow I am going to look at some other options, but I will think about that after some sleep.

            As I’ve said, I am so excited to go shopping, but I was really hoping to wait until the end of the month when I would need to get some clothes to wear to work.  However, I may have to buy a few things to get me through the month.  I have already rid my closet of my size 20s and 22s, but another closet purge is on the brink.  Tonight when getting dressed for the funeral home, everything I put on was too big.  Gosh, that was an incredibly fantabulous feeling, but one that made me realize that two weeks is a long time, and I may run out of clothes, lol.  I actually had to wear a belt to hold my size 18 pants on me and not on the ground!!! I’m telling you, my motivation just keeps getting stronger and stronger . . .

            Well, I am off to get a few winks before I begin my Wednesday.  Happy Hump Day!

These pants have not been loose EVER!  Woot! Woot!  

Post-op Success!

             Today was another awesome day!  I didn’t get much sleep because I was up until morning finishing a paper and had to be up and ready to go by noon, but it was still a great day.  My Mom picked me up to run a few errands and just do some shopping.  Then, she took me to my post-op appointment.  Things are going well!  The steri-strips are off, and the incisions look great.  I thought that I had stitches and, when Dr. Z. wasn’t making a move to take them out, asked if they would come out at the next visit.  He told me that they are dissolvable and will work themselves out.   How about that? I have lost 17 pounds since my visit on August 13^th, which is pretty darn good if I do say so myself.  I weighed myself this morning and I was at 217.4 pounds; at the office I was at 220 pounds.  Not bad!!! My blood pressure rocked, too, so no more drugs for me at the moment.  I am now on pureed foods until the 24^th when I will start moving through the last phases, soft foods and then lifetime.  I totally admit that there is a “honeymoon period” when a person takes on a new challenge, but I don’t see my honeymoon period ending.  I am so pumped about the changes that I REFUSE to go backwards.  Surgery was the tool I needed to help me crank up my motivation and make so many great life changes.  It feels so good and so right.

            I think that I have decided to join a gym, too, and after talking to several friends it is going to be the new LA Fitness in Greensburg.  It is close to home, and I will stop on my way home from work to exercise.  They have a pool, too, and I love to swim.  A friend of mine is going to help me design some water work outs, too.  It isn’t that I don’t want to exercise, but I am not a morning person to get up and do it then.  Once I get home in the evenings, I change into my comfy clothes and don’t want to leave again.  So stopping on the way home from work at least three days a week will ensure that I don’t have an excuse.  Plus, I can get some advice on how to work out smartly so that I can see the best results.  I am going to give them a call tomorrow. :-)

            I have posted my before pics with some after pics to this point.  I am going to continue to wear the pink tank and black pants for a few more, but they are quickly becoming too big.  The tank top is very baggy on top, so I am not sure that I will be able to wear it much longer.  I can definitely see some change, which is just fueling that motivation!   I will post another set of pics in a few weeks so that there will be more visible change. 

            It is time to write a few more lines on the next paper in the queue and get some sleep.  Tomorrow is another busy day, and I want to wake up bright-eyed and bushy tailed to tackle it head on.  And, as you go through your day, take a minute to remember those who died 11 years ago today and will be Never Forgotten. 

            Until tomorrow. . . . 

Side View - Then and Now :-) 

Front View - Then and Now :-)

Good Day

           I loved today, even though it was a bit crazy at the start and I am a bit sore because I took my baby girl to the Animal Friends of Westmoreland Bandz for Bonez Benefit; she pulled me (literally) through the crowd.  I don’t think my abdomen was ready for her, lol.  Once there, her friends from the shelter babysat the “guest of honor” while I stayed inside and listened my hubby’s band.  I was only there for two hours, but it was enough to wipe me out.  I came home, had dinner, and crashed on the couch with Cira.  She was whooped, too.  LOL  I love this time of year, though.  As I posted on Facebook, I was curled up on the couch with a warm blanket, my doggy, a couple of kitties, working on a paper, watching Steelers football, with Glenndini snoring in the chair next to me.  The perfect Sunday night. 

            I made another milestone in eating today, too.  For lunch, I browned a small chicken breast on the George Forman grill, then pureed it with some cream of chicken soup, ultra skim milk, unflavored protein powder, and seasoning.  It was really yummy, and did not upset my stomach.  For dinner, I has some Cream of Wheat.  I LOVE Cream of Wheat, so I was excited about it.  I can guarantee that it is going to become a staple in my diet, no matter what.  I don't know why I don't eat it more often as it is. . . anyway, I mixed it with some ultra skim milk, vanilla protein powder, cinnamon, and Splenda brown sugar.  I’m telling you, to die for.  Of course, Glenndini laughed at me when I told him I was excited about Cream of Wheat, but only in good fun.  He is so proud of me and supportive; there is no way that I could be getting through this without him by my side. 

            Tomorrow I have my first post-op appointment, as I said.  I am so excited and hope that I am doing as well as I feel that I am doing.  I have been making a list of questions to ask, but I am sure that I will forget some of them.  Also, for tomorrow’s blog I am going to post an updated picture, at the request of a reader.  Approximately every two weeks I will post an updated photo so that my progress can be documented.  I will try to wear the same outfit in each picture, until it becomes inappropriate to do so.  Today was the first day that I noticed a difference in my face.  Goodness! Maybe my double chin will be gone soon! :-) 

             A short entry today, but most of the day has been filled with writing a paper, so until tomorrow. . . . 

Walk On

            Sorry that I missed posting yesterday, but last night was a late one and I crashed.  I have not been taking naps, and the last few days have kicked my butt.  My friend Greg took me to run some errands, and between my nails (I know, not important, but I wanted them done because they make me feel pretty), Barnes & Noble, Target, and Walmart, I was exhausted.  He is a real trooper and a wonderful friend because not only did he drive me around and help carry all of my heavy stuff, but also lug it into my house. I am a lucky girl to have such great friends.

            Today has been a busy one, too, but busy and productive, so I don’t mind.  I think the loss of weight, better eating, and added physical activity have contributed to the “no nap” behavior.  I am feeling good and have energy, so I don’t want the naps as often.  That is a great feeling.  Of course, getting on the scale this morning and weighing only 219.8 was a pretty good motivator!  GOODBYE 220s!!!!  Wooooooooo Hooooooooooo!  I also tried one of the protein shakes from the book by Susan Leach.  Boy, was it yummy!  Peanut Butter Cup.  Peanut Butter is one of my favs!  I had some pureed refried beans with cheese and a little skim to make them more like soup.  Some may make a face, but they were yummy!! For dinner I had some yogurt with pureed pears that had been soaked in blackberry and acai juices.  Good, good stuff!  I even made Glenn some stuff peppers today and wasn’t really tempted to eat any of them - even if I would have been able to eat them.  I know that there will be a day when I will be able to enjoy regular foods in moderation, but I refuse to mess this up.  I plan to make my new beginning my everyday normal in the future.

            I noticed today that my yoga pants are starting to get very baggy. . . .:-)  They used to be skin tight, but now they are lose.  These little victories are keeping me so motivated!  I have been doing some tricep, bicep, and chest exercises with my two pound weights while reading, or when taking a thinking break while working.  I use my floor pedaler like crazy, and tonight even put on my ankle weights.  I can’t wait until I am able to take Cira for walks again!  Poor thing.  She does pull pretty hard sometimes, and I don’t want to risk injuring my incisions or stomach and stoma inside.  I meet with Dr. Z. on Monday, so I am going to ask him about a time frame. 

            I bought a blood pressure machine last night so that I could monitor it at home; remember, I am not taking any of my medications again.  I stopped the Lisinopril and Zoloft before surgery and am working hard not to take them again.  My blood pressure last night was only 112/59!  Yes! I think that I am going to be fine in that department, but I am going to monitor it.  If it goes up, I will visit the doctor to take care of it.  As for the Zoloft, I don’t feel too bad without it, either. I have noticed that I am very OCD about getting certain tasks accomplished and tend to be manic in my talking habits, lol.  I think that part of the talkativeness is because I don’t see people throughout the day, so when I am with them, I talk, talk, talk.  My speech is very fast, too.  I must really work on this aspect of recovery.  With the OCD, I have always had a to-do list, and if everything didn’t get finished by a certain time, I could move on to things that had to be finished.  Not so much now; I start working through the list, and refuse to stop until everything I wanted to get accomplished is complete.  Then, I relax and do school work.  Hopefully this stage of post-meds will pass quickly.  I appreciate the patience that my friends and family who are round me through this are showing.   This too shall pass, and the journey continues.  

            Tomorrow I will be going to see Glenn’s band play at a fundraiser for Animal Friends of Westmoreland - Bandz for Bonez.  It is in New Stanton at the Econolodge.  Should be a wonderful day and another step toward the future on this journey.  For now, it is time to get back to work and then get some rest.  

A favorite lyric of my favorite band, U2, is "Walk On."  Very simple, but says so much in those two words.  No matter how big of a struggle something may seem, you can't turn back. Stay strong and walk on. 

theworldaccordingtoeggface: Eggface Back to Bariatric Basics Giveaway

theworldaccordingtoeggface: Eggface Back to Bariatric Basics Giveaway: It's back to school time. I loved this time of year when I was a kid. New clothes, new classroom, newly sharpened pencils with clean erasers...

This is a fabulous blog that I found (thanks, Mellissa).  I am blogging for two reasons: It is a great site for anyone who wants good recipes and tips for managing their weight, and two, I get an extra entry in the contest. ;-)

I will be posting my usual post later tonight. . . last night I crashed!

Getting Closer!

            Another good day, but I have gotten pretty sore as the day progressed.  I am sure that I have been pulling and stretching a bit too much, but didn't do any damage.  I am just still healing and may have overdone it just a tad.  It is so hard for me to just sit and not do anything.  Sure, I can read, cross-stitch, do homework, but sore sitting is worse than sore moving.  I have had a small cough as well.  Not sure what that is all about.  Plus, our friend Randy came over to do some bow shooting and update the DJ computers, and the three of us were laughing a lot.  I have been pushing myself the last few days pretty hard, and I think it caught up to me tonight, too.  No matter because it will go way.

            On a really awesome note, I weighed myself tonight and I am at 220 even!!! WOOT!!! I was so psyched when I saw that number on the scale.  It has been at least five years since I weighed that number or less.  Talk about motivation!! I needed to see that kind of weight loss.  It sparked my desire to focus on moving around today and trying to get things accomplished. 

            Tomorrow night I am going out for the first time since surgery.  Glenndini has a show and there are several errands that need to be run.  I can’t drive so a friend is going to cart me around.  Or, drive Miss Daisy as we joked. :-)  I am a bit nervous because the weight loss is noticeable at this point and if I run into people that I know their reactions may be varied.  Some could be happy and excited, some could be awkward, some could be . . .who knows, but it all goes back to that Pretty Woman quote.  I will have to reinforce the behavior of simply saying thankful and being grateful when compliments are given.  Wish me luck!

            It is hard to believe that it has already been a week since I had surgery.  Boy, time does fly!  Alas, this is a short one because I am ready to cuddle up for a good night’s sleep and visions of a skinnier healthier me dancing in my head. G’night all.

Don't Let the Bastards Get You Down

            Today was another productive day! Visited with my Mom for a bit, chatted with the Avon lady when she dropped of my order, and did some more painting.  I took a little nap on the couch after dinner because I didn’t sleep too well last night.  Too much running through my head, lol.  Tonight I helped a friend with a paper and worked on my own PhD assignments.  Not too exciting, but it was a good day to me. :-)

            I caught myself thinking about how my self-image is going to be changing as I go through this journey.  I always refer to my “fat girl pants” and shopping at the “fat girl store,” but I am not going to be able to say that soon.  I will be able to shop in stores that I haven’t stepped foot in since 2004.  That is going to be different, for sure.  I can already tell a difference in my upper body - I don’t need to wear both a regular bra and a sports bra anymore.  One is enough.  You can bet I’ve been doing chest presses while sitting at my desk in an effort to keep things from going south, if you know what I mean. ;-)  I haven’t decided which pair of pants I am going to keep as a reminder of where I have been and to where I will NEVER return.  I do know that adjusting my self-image so that it truly reflects my physical being is going to be a greater challenge than the other lifestyle changes, I think, because it is so hard to get rid of the bad things.  I can get a hundred good compliments, but that one negative statement is the one that sticks and takes over my thinking.  One of my favorite lines in Pretty Woman occurs when Roberts and Gere are in bed talking.  She says, that “The bad stuff is easier to believe.”  It’s so true.  I work very hard to simply say “thank you” when given a compliment, but it is so hard to not come back with all of the things that I thing are ugly or wrong about me.  What is it about our society that makes us feel that to believe the good things and be proud of the good things is bad or makes someone a braggart?  I will not let the bastards get me down, though, as my favorite band U2 sang.

            On a random note, I really miss singing.  I haven’t been in a show since May, and I did sing at the wedding a few weeks ago, but I haven’t had a chance to even sing some karaoke much since May.  I need to find a place to sing.  It is such a powerful way to energize myself and get the positive vibes flowing.  I would love to sing in a little acoustic duo or something, lol.  All I have to offer that is my voice; I cannot play any instruments.  I can jingle a tambourine, but that is about it.  Maybe I will find a karaoke night in the next week or so when the soreness subsides a bit more so I can really expand my diaphragm and breathe correctly. 

            Well, friends, it is time to end for the night.  Have a fantabulous day and know that whatever struggles you face, we can get through it together.  Sending good mojo and happy thoughts . . . 

GO TO THIS LINK TO SEE THE SHORT SCENE FROM PRETTY WOMAN.  

It is not graphic. :-) 

Tuesday Already?

  

              Today has been a much better day.  Obviously, the soreness continues, but my back feels so much better.  I accomplished several tasks around the house that have been on my list for awhile.  Although I didn’t get much done in the way of PhD work or school work, I still feel good about the day.  I was up moving around, stretching and getting some exercise.  I dusted the entire house, patched some holes on the doors that I am painting, painted the first coat on the doorknobs for those doors, ran extension cords to light up my mini purple tree in the office, put in weather stripping, laundry, a bit of caulking, dishes, and made my Glenndini his lunch for tomorrow.  I did finish bits and pieces of paperwork type stuff, but that was it.  Whew!  No wonder that I am feeling a bit sleepy, lol.  It felt good to feel like me again, though, and give my body a rest from sitting at the desk too much -- even if I did move slowly and have to take many breaks.

               Speaking of my back, I have the best husband in the world. Sorry ladies, he is all mine. <3.  We have been redecorating the house, as I’ve mentioned, and most recently made some upgrades to the office furniture.  We bought a beautiful white leather desk chair that has a low profile and looks great in the room.  Glenn was going to buy the second one today since Office Max was having a sale and I had a coupon (My friend Valerie would be proud, lol).  Well, knowing how uncomfortable I have been, Glenn bought a more expensive chair that has lumbar support, a higher back, and arm rests.  OMG, I love it!!! He is truly the best thing that has happened to me. I am such a lucky girl to have a guy who cares about me like that.

            I did the first phase of “closet clean-out” tonight.  Boy, did that feel great!  Wasn’t able to get rid of too much yet, but a lot of things are on the cusp of being too big to wear without looking ridiculous.  I will definitely need to go shopping for some school clothes when it is time to go back to work.  I will have to record a fashion show for Youtube! Haha.

            Alas, it is time to get some sleep.  My mommy is coming to visit tomorrow and I want to be awake enough to enjoy her company.   So until tomorrow. . .

My awesome chair!

Happy Labor Day!

            Today has been a so-so day.  I feel the same as usual, but a bit more comfortable because I am no longer constipated! ;-)  I was up extremely late catching up on last week’s work for one course, and woke up early.  Needless to say, I took a nap this afternoon.  I have been putzing around online and catching up on some things that I wanted to check out.  Eating my soup, pudding, and jello.  I really want to try some cheese in my soups to jazz them up a bit, but I need to go to the grocery store.  Maybe tomorrow evening if Glenndini is up to it. :-)  A friend sent me a web address for a site that explains how to make homemade baby food.  This will come in very handy when I need to move to the pureed foods portion of the post-op diet.  There is a recipe for a mango, apple, banana "sauce" that sounds really yummy!  Plus, it will just be a great way to make some fruity desserts and side dishes.  Check it out:  www.wholesomebabyfood.com. 

            Tonight I tried some regular coffee. Now, I know that I am not supposed to have caffeine, but I did the research before surgery as to why caffeine was bad and feel that I could have a watered down, not so strong cup of regular coffee once in a while.  I didn’t make a really strong cup; I used Glenn’s K-cup to make a small cup of coffee.  It was a bit weaker since he had used it once.  I took a few sips and was so sad! It did not taste like the coffee I remember at all!! I thought that the few sips that I’ve had of decaf so far were bitter because they were decaf, but I am so afraid that my taste buds changed and now coffee -- one of my all-time favorite things in the universe to drink -- will no longer taste so yummy.   I am not ready for that reality, and will experiment with some natural sweetener and milk.  

           I am still a bit uncomfortable and not sure how to tell if it is hunger or surgery pain.  I feel like I could eat more after eating my soup or pudding, but don’t want to push it.  Sitting at my desk is painful because my back aches horribly.  But it must be done.  I have to keep working through it to get caught up with classes.  I think a large part of my back pain is that my abdomen muscles are sore and pull on my back muscles. I sound like a broken record, huh?  Truthfully, this is the hardest part of the recovery so far.  I just can’t get comfortable, whether I am sitting, standing, or in bed.  I may try some Icy Hot in a bit.  I gotta do something, lol.

            I am reaching an anxiety stage at this point -- I just want to get going!  I want to start eating and exercising and living this next chapter of my life.  Don’t worry, I am not going to jump ahead or do anything to ruin the progress that I am making, but I am so ready!  I have so much on my plate already, but there are so many other ideas and projects that I have started to think about as far as support for bariatric patients and exercise clubs.  I need about 40 more hours in a day, or a drug that makes sleep unnecessary. LOL.  For now, I must get back to another major goal that I will be achieving in the future:  Earning my PhD.  Until tomorrow. . .