Normal v. Not Normal

Well, the last few days have been interesting, and I am sending a warning right now.  I made a vow to not hold back any information when I started this blog so that anyone considering bariatric surgery would have an idea of any hurdles or issues that may be potential problems.  Truthfully, I have been having an INCREDIBLE recovery and still am having an incredible recovery, but I am definitely going to be writing about my latest episode with detail.  For some it may be TMI.  So, read on and skip what you do not want to read.

            Weight-wise, I am at 180.4. WOOT!  I am so psyched.  Yesterday was my three-month surgery date anniversary, and, since surgery, I am down 45 pounds.  Total, I have lost 78!  THAT is exciting! I was so bummed the first few weeks after because I didn’t seem to be losing that much, but now I am losing steadily.  I am able to eat relatively normally and enjoy things that I enjoy doing.  Although I am exhausted often, I still feel great and have no regrets. 

            Wednesday night; however, things got a little scary, which is why I am currently in the hospital awaiting a scope – essentially, a colonoscopy.  I got home around 7:15 (like normal), ate dinner (like normal) and sat down to begin working (like normal).  Then, my stomach felt a bit weird, I got some cramps, and ran to the bathroom.  My BM was in no way normal, though.  It was horribly smelly; bright red liquid; and dark, dark purple.  It was the consistency of a pile of wet leaves that had been sitting so long that it was blackish purple and sticky.  It took five flushes to get it all down, and I even had to clean the toilet.  I was alarmed to say the least, but thought that it was over and went back to do work.  Not the case. This happened at least five or six times, and I had an accident once.  I hadn’t eaten anything out-of-the-ordinary from my normal foods, so I had no idea what was causing it.  In the morning, it happened twice more before I left the house.  I was dizzy and light-headed; after my shower, I was sweating like crazy and had to sit down for a bit.  Needless to say, I realized that this was not normal and I needed to get checked out. 

            I called school and they started making arrangements for a sub; I left school around 10:30 when the sub got there and arrived in the ER around 11:00.  I had called the Bariatric Center and explained everything earlier, and they told me to go the hospital.  I was in the ER until almost 7:00; they were really busy.  I had to drink the bowel prep, but only one container.  It took me all evening and night – until around 5:00 this morning -- to get it all down.  I have given so much blood that I can’t have much more to give, LOL.  My surgeon came in this morning and said that my blood counts were down, nothing so serious that I need a transfusion, but we will see what the test shows.  I continued to have bloody BMs, although since I haven’t eaten anything since Wednesday’s dinner, they have been liquid purple and red.  I didn’t have one that was a normal color until an hour ago . . .around 10:00 this morning. 

PART II

            Well, I just got back from the colonoscopy and everything on that end looks good, but there was old blood in the colon and bowels, so now I have to have the gastroscopy in the morning!! REALLY??? I asked why they didn’t just do it then, and they said that because I was under anesthesia I couldn’t consent to it. Isn’t that why you have my husband’s number and my mom’s number?  In case of stuff like this??  I am so furiously angry right now.  This is a waste of my time and insurance money to keep me here another day for something like this.  I am hungry, too, and I don’t get to eat much to begin with, so not being able to eat anything just adds to my anger.  I am so angry that I can’t write anymore.  I have shut my door and am going to take a nap.  Until tomorrow and I have more news to share. . . . .

And I'm All Settled in for a Long Day of Work . . .

            I have been busy, busy, busy!  My yearly tradition is to begin cleaning and decorating Thanksgiving evening.  I don’t do what is traditionally called “spring cleaning”; I fall clean!  I clean, scour, and purge the house in order to prepare for the decorating and season.  I rearranged the office, too.  Thank goodness for furniture movers, LOL. That desk was big!  Once the house was clean, I began the decorating extravaganza.  I put up the big tree with most of my Oz ornaments, and I put the small tree that we’ve used the last two years in the office.  I used it for all of the personal ornaments from childhood and new ones.  Then, I had to buy another smaller tree to put in the spare room (where Oz reigns supreme) and decorated it with a few more Oz ornaments.  Also, I put out one of my Dorothy nutcrackers and my needlepoint Oz stocking.  Outside was given attention, too, with new trees, deer, pathway markers, corner trees, bows, a wreath, and icicle lights!  Tons of other housekeeping items were scratched off of the list, too, so that last night I watched several Christmas movies, cuddled with the kitties and Cira, and enjoyed the scents of my candles and lights of my decorations.  I did homework last night, and after making some phone calls and doing more “paperworky” type things, I will be preparing for a new week of assignments and doing work  for school since the trimester changes Tuesday.  It was a nice, peaceful night, and I am hoping for a similar outcome throughout the afternoon and evening. :-)

            I have been having a fabulous week as far as weight, eating, and healing.  Yesterday morning I weighed 181.8!!!! YEEEEE HAWWWWW!  I am down to a size 12, too, and bought a new pair of jeans while out Saturday morning.  It feels so exhilarating to be progressing again.  I feel as if I hit a stumbling block for a few weeks.  And talk about motivation! I don’t want to do anything to risk the success that I have been having.  On Thanksgiving, I ate very small portions of mashed potatoes, a bit of dinner roll, creamed corn, stuffing, and turkey.  Of course, I focused on the turkey first!  About two and  a half hours after dinner, I was able to take a few bites of my mom’s homemade pumpkin cheesecake (OMG!!! So yummy!) and a few nibbles of pumpkin pie.  I was totally satisfied and able to go right back to my yogurt and high protein meals without any issues. 

It really is amazing how differently I think about food now.  Prior to surgery, people would ask how I was going to cope with the changes in what I had to eat and not being to enjoy food after surgery.  I was confident in my ability to NOT make bad choices because after surgery I would not have a choice – bad foods would make me sick or have a not-so-good effect on my body.  I’m sure that there was skepticism in many folks’ minds as to my ability to stay on track; after all, I had not gained weight by making good dietary choices.  However, surgery was the means to a new outlook on food.  Being on a liquid diet for two weeks before surgery and then being limited to what I could take in for so many weeks after surgery, my body cleansed itself of the bad stuff.  I no longer crave the bad stuff because my body no longer has a taste or hunger for it.  Does this mean that I will never eat a mozzarella stick again?  No.  But it does mean that mozzarella sticks are not something that I choose to eat over other choices that are better for my body and health.  I do not feel as if I am “missing out” or unable to have a pleasant time with friends at a restaurant; the pleasant time stems from being with friends, not food.

And with that, my friends, I will end.  Time to get back on task and tackle that work that has been waiting for me all weekend.  So, until next time. . . 

Still Losing!

            The weight slowly creeps away. . . down to 186.2. :-D    I need this good news in the midst of all of the catch-up that I am playing with work and courses.  It feels good to know that I am making progress and feeling better.  Well, my stomach is still gassy and gets really angry with me, but for the most part, I know why it is happening.  One, I think that I am eating too quickly, and two, I am not getting enough sleep.  Friday night I got home from work and went to take a nap at approximately 4:45.  Guess what time I woke up?  6:30 in the morning!!! I slept hard, too, and never heard Glenn get home, get ready to go to the band’s gig, come home, --- NOTHING.  I only woke up because he turned on the flashlight app on his phone when he came upstairs after falling asleep on his chair, LOL.  That flashlight app is loud, holy moly!  At any rate, I was upset for a bit because I wasted so much time and didn’t get any work done Friday night, but then I realized that it was good for my body and was grateful for the rest. 

            Now I need to find time to go shopping again!  I know that most people would be excited about that, but I am not a shopper because it is too stressful with money and all that jazz to keep buying new things.  Even the yoga pants are too big! I need new pants, for sure because I know that I am down a size.  I am hoping to find a few hours over Turkey Day break to hit up some thrift stores and maybe Gabe’s.  I need to focus on a few pair of pants and a pair of jeans – try to avoid buying too much.  Then, I can sell the ones that I have.  As much as I do not look forward to shopping, it is rewarding to see the surgery and hard work paying off.  Deep down inside I am jumping up and down and screaming like a child on Christmas morning!

            I spent the entire Saturday at my desk, though, and was able to get quite a bit accomplished.  Did the household, paper-worky type things, caught up on my educational newsletter reading, and a few other tasks.  Then, I cranked out two papers throughout the day.  I mean ALL day and didn’t go to bed until close to 4:00 a.m.  But I felt so much better knowing that I was almost caught up with PhD course work. Today, I worked for the morning and then took a break and went to see Warhorse.  OMG! THE SHOW IS ABSOFRIGGENLUTELY AMAZING!!!! It was such an emotional show, with plenty of laugh lines to break up the tension, but by far one of the best shows that I’ve seen in awhile. I went with West Apple Tours, and we had dinner at Del's before the show.  It's Italian, so there wasn't a lot that I could eat, but I had a few pieces of pasta, a small piece of bread, and a meatball.  I had a few bites of chicken marsala and some potatoes, but they were way too rich.  It was the perfect amount. :-)   So, now I am back at it, listening to the Steelers (and Glenn) in the background.  Come on, boys!!!

            Well, this is an early post, but I want to get back to this paper and maybe get it done early enough to sleep well tonight.  Short week and then I get to decorate for Christmas. So, until tomorrow. . .  

Night, Night!

               Down to 189. :-D  And, my clothes are once again getting too big!  I had to wear a belt with my pants today, and I haven’t had to wear one with my new pants until now.  It is a great feeling, but I do feel guilty about the money that I will have to spend to buy more clothes.  Granted, I will go to thrift stores, but it still seems like such a waste that I have to buy new clothes already.  It does feel fabulous, though, I’m not going to lie.  I was sitting at my desk tonight and looked down at my thighs.  I can see the difference!   Plus, yesterday, at one point during my presentation I was sitting with my legs crossed and I realized that only a short time ago I would not have been able to do that!  It really does feel good.

                Another stage that I have added to the journey is biotin supplements and using protein-enhanced shampoo to avoid hair loss. Because I am not eating a lot which means that I am not getting my 80 grams of protein a day, I run the risk of losing my hair. Therefore, at my hairdresser’s (thanks, Gwen) recommendation I am now taking a biotin supplement each day and using Nioxin shampoo and conditioner.  The last two times that my hair has been dyed, my scalp has been dry and taken on a lot of dye, and my hair has taken the dye differently.  Even though I haven’t noticed a huge change in the amount of hair lost, I wanted to be sure and “nip that in the bud” before it becomes an issue.

                The last two nights have been extremely late ones; however, I have made a dent in the huge to-do list for PhD work.  I am finished for the night and heading to bed as soon as I post this blog.  I am loving the internship work that I am doing, which makes me want to work on curriculum and instruction types of responsibilities even more!  I have a plan for how I am going to approach the next trimester group, and I want to get started, but I have to be patient and prioritize.  Doing the presentation yesterday to my colleagues really gave me a taste of what it is I want to do in the future, and now I am just anxious to get there!  The next year and a half better go by quickly! J

                Well, it is time to get some rest for a few hours.  I am in this weird state of flux where I am feeling settled into the craziness of my schedule, overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to happen for my courses, and drowned in the amount of work that I need to do for my job. . . but the prospect of Christmas decorating and the great things that I can accomplish with all of my work are helping me cope with everything.  So, on that happy note, I will end.  Until tomorrow. . .  

Need More Hours in a Day!

     Well, true to form, it is well after midnight and I am still attempting to cross things off of the to-do list; however, I have come to terms with that fact that I am simply not going to get everything accomplished by the end of today.  I need to try and get some sleep tonight since I have my first "big" presentation tomorrow in front of the entire faculty of my building.  YIKES!  I hope that they are nice to me, lol.  It is part of my internship, and I am excited about it, but definitely a bit nervous.  This is a big step for me as far as my role in the building.  I will not be sitting in the audience taking in the information being shared; I will be the one sharing the information!  I know that this is what I want to do, though, because I enjoyed putting the presentation together and preparing for what I need to say.  Fingers crossed and wish me luck! 
     Although I have not accomplished nearly what was on my to-do list and am going to have to take advantage of extensions granted to me by my professors because of Gram's funeral and other things this past week, I don't want to get too far behind.  I feel like I have been behind since the quarter started! Tomorrow, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I need to hunker down and get some work done!   Saturday, too, but I'd like to be able to clean the house and take care of things around here Saturday.  I hate when I can't keep up with the cleaning.  Sunday I am going to see Warhorse in Pittsburgh with Greg and other friends.  So excited!! The reviews for the show have been fabulous, and I can't wait to see the awesomeness of the horse, which is a puppet.  I know, sounds strange, right? I will definitely let you know what I think. :-)
     On a really bright note, I am done with the 190s!!!!! This morning I weighed 189.8!  Not that far out of the 190s, and I may venture into them a bit for the next few days as my weight evens out, but they are no longer the norm!  WOOT!  I can't believe it!  I caught up on some sleep Friday night and for a short nap Saturday, and I think that truly made the difference.  My body was able to relax and heal itself a bit, and the weight came off.  I know that I need to make a better effort to get the sleep that I need, but sometimes that is just too hard to do with school and classes. I had to drop out of the Christmas show that I was planning to do because I just couldn't do it.  Rehearsals would have put me over the edge, and I need the time to get caught up and try to get back on some semblance of a track.  
     Eating has been better the last two days, too.  I didn't eat much of anything Friday.  It was just a sad day and I wasn't in the mood for much food.  I got more yogurt, though, and I love the Fage yogurt.  Lots of protein and very satisfying.  Plus, it is soft and easy on my stomach.  I made some orzo with chicken and pesto sauce tonight, and it was good on the tummy, too.  Granted, I didn't eat a lot of the orzo, but it was nice to add a bit of something soft to go with the chicken.  I have been craving a salad, though.  I can't wait until I can have a grilled chicken salad. Yum! 
     With that, it is time to get some sleep.  I have a big day tomorrow, and I would like to have it be as successful and productive as possible. So, until then, my friends . . . 
     

Trying to Catch My Breath

        Wow, I feel like a hamster on a wheel. . . .I keep running and running, but I am not getting anywhere!  I am not sure how I am going to keep up this schedule.  My body is seriously unhappy with me, and I am having trouble eating much of anything.  However, I am not losing weight because my body is under too much stress and not getting enough rest.  Something has to give soon, and I am not sure exactly what that something may be. Can't give up the job, and I sure as hell am not giving up the PhD work.  Not much left.  I don't do much of anything anymore. Just gotta keep on plugging away and hope for a break at some point! 
        I apologize for not keeping up with the blog everyday; it is one of the things that I can put off until another day. And, I am afraid that tonight is going to be a short one.  
        Eating was a bit of a task around lunch time, but I was able to eat some fat free refried beans for dinner. I added a little milk and cheese to smooth them up a bit more.  I know that they sound gross, but I love them.  I need to get some more yogurt ASAP because I have been out for two days and that has been my staple breakfast food for the last months. Smooth and easy to handle.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be a bit better and I can start to feel normal, without all of the gas pains and yuckiness. 
        Exercise is another thing that has gone by the wayside, and I need to figure out a way to work it back in to the schedule.  I just don't know where or how, really.  I know that everyone says that you just have to do it, but when can I fit it in?  I get home late and then immediately get to work.  If I took an hour to exercise, I would be up until 4:30 every night instead of 3:30! No can do.  Again, just gotta figure this out.  It's only been a little over two months, but I feel like I am just not making any progress. Very frustrating. 
        On a positive note, I am going to the eye doctor tomorrow, and I am going to pick out a snazzy new pair of glasses!! I will let you know what I decide!  I am excited to see how different I look in them since I've lost so much weight in my face. 
         Unfortunately, I must end and go to bed.  I am nodding off as I type. So, until tomorrow. . . 

Long Days, Past, Present, and Future

     I must start by sending my love and prayers to my husband and his family as they cope with the loss of their Grandma and Mother.  Grandma, you always made me feel so welcome and I thank you for that.  I will think of you every time I have a grilled cheese sandwich (even if it is a small, small one).  Rest in Peace and enjoy the new leg of your journey, where you will feel no pain and be reunited with your friends and family who have gone before you. 
     Fingers crossed that my computer which decided to crap out on me tonight can be repaired.  The time of day battery died again.  Ugh.  I need to get it fixed ASAP because I want to fix the video I made for the funeral home and ALL of my work is on there.  I was in the middle of doing some work tonight and BOOM it shut down.  My hubby totally rocks, though, and gave me his other computer.  Since he isn't DJ'ing much anymore, he doesn't need a back-up per se, so I am going to take over the the computer that was pretty much rebuilt a few months ago.  I am  already on the search for a purple cover. :-) He is just too damn good to me.  
     The last few days have been a bit rough.  The schedule is a bit insane at the moment and, quite frankly, I feel like I am sinking a bit.  I need to get in gear.  I feel like I make a dent in the work, and then I turn around and twenty more things have been added to it.  If I find out who keeps adding those things to my list when I'm not looking, so help me. . . . ;-) I was up until 3:00 this morning doing some work, and tonight I crossed several things off of my to-do list that weren't important, but I just wasn't able to concentrate tonight.  Thinking about Gram and Glenn and taking care of those I love.  Then, the computer died, so that pretty much decided that not much could get done tonight. 
     My stomach has not been too happy with me, either, but I think that the craziness and schedule have affected that more than I want to admit.  Lunch did not stay with me today, but I know that at school I eat too fast because I only have about 20-25 minutes to each lunch.  Dinner was pretty good and I was able to eat it without too much trouble.  I made an adapted version of the bacon and swiss quiche from Leach's book.  I used a frozen pie crust and layered some shredded cheese on the bottom.  Then, I added Jimmy Dean lean sausage crumbles, broccoli, turkey bacon, onion, and red pepper.  I mixed the egg, milk, pepper, kosher salt, and nutmeg and poured it on top.  I baked it for quite a while, at least an hour, but it was rather yummy!  I have leveled out at around 193, but I know why I may have a few extra pounds now. ;-) I have been trying to stick to soft foods as much as possible because my stomach seems to like those much better.  Definitely need to get more yogurt. :-)
      Tomorrow I have a computer workshop after school until 6:45, and then I MUST come home and do LOTS AND LOTS of work.  Please send good mojo to my laptop so that it can be fixed and returned quickly tomorrow so that I can begin the process of transferring everything to this computer.  I do have a back-up, but I don't remember if I backed up this week, and I think that I may start to use an online back-up, too, . . remember, lots of good mojo!  
     Not a very exciting blog tonight, but I must end.  Going to vote before work tomorrow in case I get held up after the workshop.  So, until tomorrow. . .