I Wore LEGGINGS!

        Well, not true leggings, but they were legging-style pants designed to be wore with high boots. BUT I WORE THEM IN PUBLIC!!! And it felt freaking awesome!  I felt like the old me -- the me from high school, from college, and from early on grad school.  The woman who would dance the night away and have a great time. I danced, too, and sometimes by myself. It didn't matter! I was listening to Loyal Hanna, my guys, and having a great time. Plus, I finally found boots! In fact, I found four pair of boots!  I had to go to Lane Bryant to buy them, though, because no matter how much weight I lose or how thin I  have ever been, my calves are not-so-thin.  18" as-a-matter-of-fact. So, I ventured to Lane Bryant and found four pair of boots. They were on sale for half off, which was incredible, too.  Needless to say, I was thrilled.
        Actually, I have been feeling a lot of guilt for the amount of money that I have spent on clothes and accessories lately.  I know that it was an expected expense since I was going to be losing so much weight, but I feel like I have gone a bit overboard this round of shopping.  Of course, shopping for the holiday put me in proximity to shopping a bit more than normal, and I think that caused me to buy a bit more.  School starts Wednesday and PhD courses start on the 7th, so my time to shop will be gone.  I love having so many options and feeling not so ugly in my clothes, but I know that I need to tone down the buying until I have leveled out to the size I will be.  Having time to scout the thrift stores and discount racks will help the budget, too, but with the craziness of this time of year and the end of the last PhD quarter I was able to stick to sale racks in the stores in which Glenn and/or I were shopping.  
        The weight loss is going really well; I am down to 172.8!!  I have a bit more to go -- I'd like to get down to around 130.  Once there, I will see how I feel and how maintaining that weight affects me.  I may end up back at 140 or so, but I want to get down to my goal weight and make decisions from there.  My eating habits have changed forever, but I don't want to have to worry about every little thing that I put into my mouth just to stay at 130.  I have found myself mentally "pinching" myself so many times while shopping and cleaning or going through my closets this break -- I can't believe that I am actually THIS size and THIS weight. A year ago, I never thought that I would get to this point.  It is still so surreal every time I look in the mirror or try on clothes.  I am so blessed and grateful to have had the chance to take such a big step as the surgery in order to make this change in my life.  It has truly improved my lifestyle greatly.  I am in better health - my blood pressure is low and there is no need for medication at all.  My arthritis is not as painful -- I can wear normal shoes and dance without being in pain for weeks.  I have more confidence -- I am not so self-confident about my appearance or people looking at me when I am out.  I do not feel like I embarrass Glenn -- I always felt bad for him because he had to be seen with me.  Life has just generally taken on a new direction, and I am loving it. 
     Glenn and I are going to try to restart our workout plan on Wednesday morning.  We need to get back into the groove so that we can get even healthier and keep on track with our weight loss. I know that this will mean that I have to try and get to bed earlier so that I can get up earlier, but I am hoping that I can figure out a way to make it work.  PhD courses are starting again, I have never put as much time into learning Italian as I'd hoped, I would like to audition for a show or find someone who could play guitar and do some acoustic style shows with me a few times a month, read more, cross-stitch again, play some pool with Glenn, go shopping with Glenn or friends, go shooting with Glenn . . . basically, I want to feel like I have a life and not have it be sucked up by work and school.  Yes, I know that part of being in school is sacrificing some things and activities, but I really feel like school has taken over and jeopardized my relationships and mental state.  I am just spent all of the time, and I need to find a way to not give up everything I love during the 10 weeks of classes.  
        And that, my friends, is the long and short of my New Year's resolutions.  Tomorrow, I will be ringing in the New Year with my Glenndini; my guys, Loyal Hanna; friends and family; and Loyal Hanna fans who chose to celebrate with us at Blair's.  In my heart, all of you will be there as I kiss my man and wish for a happier, healthier, and more successful year in 2013.  Be safe in your celebrations and journeys tomorrow.  Until a new year in a few days. . . 
        

Back at It!

        Long time, no write, but things have been a whirlwind since the last time that I wrote.  PhD classes ended with a bang; school was Go!Go!Go! until Friday when Christmas Break started; and holiday prepping, crafting, and shopping took over every evening.  Plus, trying to recoup, let my body do what it needs to do, and rebuild my blood levels.  I am still tired and tire easily, but I definitely feel better than I did a month ago.  The schedule has paid off, though, because the only thing that I have left to do for Christmas is cards.  We just got back from a holiday/Steelers get-together, and, after I take a short nap,  I hope to do my cards and several other things on the to-do list.  One task is to make homemade doggie treats for my four-legged friends Christmas presents. :-) I found a few recipes that are not too difficult, so I want to give them a try.  Pumpkin, beef, and banana flavored -- can't miss with those!
        On a VERY positive note, I am down to 174.6!!!!  That's right! I've been losing steadily for the last couple weeks, and have been working really hard to up my protein intake to help my hair loss. I have been losing quite a bit of hair, even though I am now taking Biotin and using Nioxin hair shampoo, conditioner, and scalp treatment.  Nothing too drastic right now, but I don't want it to become an issue.  I feel better, too, but I definitely get tired really quickly and need to take a break now and then. There is just no time to take a break because too much needs to be done.  There have been several days over the last two weeks when I went to bed at 7:30 - 8:00 and still had a hard time waking up the next morning.  Literally, the last two weeks I have had something - either work or another obligation - every day. Add in all of the other stuff and it has been a bit draining.  I hope to regroup a bit over the next week, but my days are quickly filling up, so I will be lucky to have even one day on which I have no where to go.  I know that nothing has to be done, but there are simply things that have to be done that will make my life easier in the next quarter of classes, and there are things that I want to do that I am tired of putting off. We shall see what happens. :-) 
        I did get a 4.0 this quarter, so I am happy.  Also, I made the President's List - kind of like the Dean's List, but students have to have a 4.0 to make the list.  I am very proud of that accomplishment, especially with everything that went on this part quarter.  Now, it is on to the last quarter of classes! A stats class and the second half of the internship.  Hard to believe that I am so close to dissertation.  I am excited beyond belief to be that much closer to accomplishing a lifelong goal, but I am thankful for a few weeks reprieve from the craziness. 
        However, I have been on what feels like a shopping spree! LOL.  I have been buying clothes almost every time I go out - mainly because I am so stoked that I can actually FIT into clothes again.  It's been so long since I could walk into a store and have so many options and not feel like I was going to leave the fitting room empty-handed.  I know that I need to stop, though, because I still have weight to lose and that means that I will not be in these 12s for long. . . I need to wait until I reach my goal weight and then I can shop 'til I drop, lol.  What's cool is being able to go to the sale racks and find so many good bargains. I used to love going to so many various stores and finding things to mix and match - jewelry, sweaters, pants, etc.  I just have to be patient and exercise more self control when it comes to shopping.  "All in good time," as the Wicked Witch said. :-)
        As for the ulcers, they are healing well from what I can gather. I feel much better, like I said, and my stomach is tolerating much more than it had been.  I definitely know the symptoms now, so if I start to feel that way again, I will head to the doctors.  I had a appointment with the surgeon on the 17th, and things are looking good. I will be on some sort of medication for the ulcers forever, but as long as I monitor what I eat and drink, I don't expect to have any other issues.  I am allowed to eat raw veggies and salad, but I have to chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, . . . .you get the idea.  I just have to eat my protein first, rather than the salad.  I have to get some blood work before my next appointment in March, and I will have to have another scope at some point just to see how things have healed.  For now, I just need to keep on, keeping on.
        It is hard to believe that it will four months since the surgery at the end of the week.  So much has happened and changed.  

It Fit!!

            Another week is set to begin, and I am ready to tackle it.  It is going to be a busy one, for sure.  This quarter of PhD courses ends Friday, and I am SO in need of a break! However, after the craziness of the last two weeks, I am feeling a TON better and realize that the gas that I’ve thought that I had was actually the ulcers.  I still get tired, but not to the extent of the absolute run down exhaustion that I was feeling.  If there is such a thing, it is just normal tiredness.  LOL.

            I had a great experience the other day shopping, too.  As it turned out, I went to my husband’s work Christmas party even though he couldn’t go; he was Dj’ing another Christmas party.  I have friends who work there, too, so when an extra ticket was available, they thought of me.  They are so good to me! At any rate, I had to find something to wear and ended up at Fashion Bug.  They are going out of business, so I was able to get some great deals since I needed to buy new clothes anyway --- I am now a size 12!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOT!!!!!

            I filled my arms and went to the dressing room.  I was so excited as things fit that I actually had a good time shopping for the first time in forever.  I even tried on a dress. That’s right – A DRESS.  And it fit!!!! I ended up wearing it to the party and danced the night away.  Of course, the only picture I have is of me in the fitting room because I sent one to my hubby.  I plan to wear it New Year’s Eve, so I will post pics then, for sure.

            The party was fun, too.  Eating and drinking were a non-issue, as I am discovering.  Food and drink do not dictate having fun, and it feels so much better to not be stuffed to the gills and uncomfortable.  I had ¾ of a caramel appletini, a coffee, and a few nibbles each of Caesar salad, breaded chicken, rice with veggies, garlic potatoes, linguini salad, prime rib, and dessert.  Everything was fantastic, but I pushed my plate away and enjoyed the dancing and company.  Afterward, I went out with my friends and Glenn joined us.  I ordered a glass of wine, but, after a few sips, gave it to Glenn.  I was perfectly content without it.  Life has really taken on new meaning and a new direction. 

            And on that thought I will end . . . until tomorrow. . . 

It fit!!! 

We stopped to see the Creche in Pittsburgh before heading home from our Gateway Clipper party.  Beautiful way to reflect on the season.

Out of the Hospital and On the Mend!

Boy, have the last few days been interesting – to say the least!  I am home and on the mend.  As it turns out, I had two bleeding ulcers.  Since they started me on protonix in the ER, they had already crusted over and began healing by the time my gastroscopy was performed on Saturday morning.  Apparently, any time that two body parts are sewn together and rejoined, the area receives less blood flow because of the scar tissue or nature of the way it has healed.  This can cause perforations and ulcers.  It is not unusual, but not so much as common as people would think.  This is what happened to me.  I had one ulcer in my stomach and one right after my stomach in the intestines.  Dr. Sharon said that the surgery itself looked fabulous and that Dr. Z. did a great job, so that was awesome to know.  So, it was good that I came in because I could have kept bleeding for a long time.  In fact, I had lost quite a bit of blood and my levels were just over eight; normal is 11-18 from what the nurse said.  Therefore, I had to have a blood transfusion.  I was allowed to eat full liquids at that point, which was nice.  My hubby came to visit for a bit before heading home to take care of Cira.  My Mom, brother, and nephew visited, too.  Glenn came back that evening and we played some Scrabble and hung out in the hospital.  He brought me a yogurt, too. :-) Yummy! Best thing I ate in the hospital, outside of the popsicles that I ate whenever a nurse would give me one, LOL!  The vampires took my blood a few more times, and Dr. Sharon came in at 6:00 Sunday morning to tell me that my blood level was up, I could eat regular food, would take protonix for the rest of my life, and that I would be going home that afternoon!  Woot! 

            I feel better, but am still extremely tired.  I have been home the past two days and trying to catch up on work.  Tomorrow is a full day, but I am going to try to keep my to-do list in check.  It is just pretty difficult with school and courses.  I refuse to be a bad student or a bad teacher; both of those take a huge amount of energy and time.  I spent some time yesterday running errands and doing things around the house, but that means that today I am trying to catch up even more so.  It is such a catch-22.  I know that my health is important, but who do I let down in order to take care of my health?  My family? Friends?  Students? Professors? Myself?

            Of course, I alerted my professors, and one has given me an extension.  The other has not responded to my questions about assignments as of yet. . . although, he did wish me well. He never reads an entire email or answers questions.  It’s so infuriating!  So, I guess at this point, I am going to press on with the help of my friends and family, and my wonderful hubby, and do what I can.  PhD classes end on the 14^th, so I can take a minute to breathe and enjoy the holidays at that point.  Over the holiday break, I can focus my efforts and try to accomplish a few things to make life a bit easier in the second half of the internship.

            Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and well wishes over the last few days.  Believe me, seeing that blood loss was pretty scary.  And, although I was so furious about being in the hospital and the other things before, I do know that it was best for me to spend the time that I did in the hospital getting it taken care of.  Now it is back to work until tomorrow. . . .

Normal v. Not Normal

Well, the last few days have been interesting, and I am sending a warning right now.  I made a vow to not hold back any information when I started this blog so that anyone considering bariatric surgery would have an idea of any hurdles or issues that may be potential problems.  Truthfully, I have been having an INCREDIBLE recovery and still am having an incredible recovery, but I am definitely going to be writing about my latest episode with detail.  For some it may be TMI.  So, read on and skip what you do not want to read.

            Weight-wise, I am at 180.4. WOOT!  I am so psyched.  Yesterday was my three-month surgery date anniversary, and, since surgery, I am down 45 pounds.  Total, I have lost 78!  THAT is exciting! I was so bummed the first few weeks after because I didn’t seem to be losing that much, but now I am losing steadily.  I am able to eat relatively normally and enjoy things that I enjoy doing.  Although I am exhausted often, I still feel great and have no regrets. 

            Wednesday night; however, things got a little scary, which is why I am currently in the hospital awaiting a scope – essentially, a colonoscopy.  I got home around 7:15 (like normal), ate dinner (like normal) and sat down to begin working (like normal).  Then, my stomach felt a bit weird, I got some cramps, and ran to the bathroom.  My BM was in no way normal, though.  It was horribly smelly; bright red liquid; and dark, dark purple.  It was the consistency of a pile of wet leaves that had been sitting so long that it was blackish purple and sticky.  It took five flushes to get it all down, and I even had to clean the toilet.  I was alarmed to say the least, but thought that it was over and went back to do work.  Not the case. This happened at least five or six times, and I had an accident once.  I hadn’t eaten anything out-of-the-ordinary from my normal foods, so I had no idea what was causing it.  In the morning, it happened twice more before I left the house.  I was dizzy and light-headed; after my shower, I was sweating like crazy and had to sit down for a bit.  Needless to say, I realized that this was not normal and I needed to get checked out. 

            I called school and they started making arrangements for a sub; I left school around 10:30 when the sub got there and arrived in the ER around 11:00.  I had called the Bariatric Center and explained everything earlier, and they told me to go the hospital.  I was in the ER until almost 7:00; they were really busy.  I had to drink the bowel prep, but only one container.  It took me all evening and night – until around 5:00 this morning -- to get it all down.  I have given so much blood that I can’t have much more to give, LOL.  My surgeon came in this morning and said that my blood counts were down, nothing so serious that I need a transfusion, but we will see what the test shows.  I continued to have bloody BMs, although since I haven’t eaten anything since Wednesday’s dinner, they have been liquid purple and red.  I didn’t have one that was a normal color until an hour ago . . .around 10:00 this morning. 

PART II

            Well, I just got back from the colonoscopy and everything on that end looks good, but there was old blood in the colon and bowels, so now I have to have the gastroscopy in the morning!! REALLY??? I asked why they didn’t just do it then, and they said that because I was under anesthesia I couldn’t consent to it. Isn’t that why you have my husband’s number and my mom’s number?  In case of stuff like this??  I am so furiously angry right now.  This is a waste of my time and insurance money to keep me here another day for something like this.  I am hungry, too, and I don’t get to eat much to begin with, so not being able to eat anything just adds to my anger.  I am so angry that I can’t write anymore.  I have shut my door and am going to take a nap.  Until tomorrow and I have more news to share. . . . .

And I'm All Settled in for a Long Day of Work . . .

            I have been busy, busy, busy!  My yearly tradition is to begin cleaning and decorating Thanksgiving evening.  I don’t do what is traditionally called “spring cleaning”; I fall clean!  I clean, scour, and purge the house in order to prepare for the decorating and season.  I rearranged the office, too.  Thank goodness for furniture movers, LOL. That desk was big!  Once the house was clean, I began the decorating extravaganza.  I put up the big tree with most of my Oz ornaments, and I put the small tree that we’ve used the last two years in the office.  I used it for all of the personal ornaments from childhood and new ones.  Then, I had to buy another smaller tree to put in the spare room (where Oz reigns supreme) and decorated it with a few more Oz ornaments.  Also, I put out one of my Dorothy nutcrackers and my needlepoint Oz stocking.  Outside was given attention, too, with new trees, deer, pathway markers, corner trees, bows, a wreath, and icicle lights!  Tons of other housekeeping items were scratched off of the list, too, so that last night I watched several Christmas movies, cuddled with the kitties and Cira, and enjoyed the scents of my candles and lights of my decorations.  I did homework last night, and after making some phone calls and doing more “paperworky” type things, I will be preparing for a new week of assignments and doing work  for school since the trimester changes Tuesday.  It was a nice, peaceful night, and I am hoping for a similar outcome throughout the afternoon and evening. :-)

            I have been having a fabulous week as far as weight, eating, and healing.  Yesterday morning I weighed 181.8!!!! YEEEEE HAWWWWW!  I am down to a size 12, too, and bought a new pair of jeans while out Saturday morning.  It feels so exhilarating to be progressing again.  I feel as if I hit a stumbling block for a few weeks.  And talk about motivation! I don’t want to do anything to risk the success that I have been having.  On Thanksgiving, I ate very small portions of mashed potatoes, a bit of dinner roll, creamed corn, stuffing, and turkey.  Of course, I focused on the turkey first!  About two and  a half hours after dinner, I was able to take a few bites of my mom’s homemade pumpkin cheesecake (OMG!!! So yummy!) and a few nibbles of pumpkin pie.  I was totally satisfied and able to go right back to my yogurt and high protein meals without any issues. 

It really is amazing how differently I think about food now.  Prior to surgery, people would ask how I was going to cope with the changes in what I had to eat and not being to enjoy food after surgery.  I was confident in my ability to NOT make bad choices because after surgery I would not have a choice – bad foods would make me sick or have a not-so-good effect on my body.  I’m sure that there was skepticism in many folks’ minds as to my ability to stay on track; after all, I had not gained weight by making good dietary choices.  However, surgery was the means to a new outlook on food.  Being on a liquid diet for two weeks before surgery and then being limited to what I could take in for so many weeks after surgery, my body cleansed itself of the bad stuff.  I no longer crave the bad stuff because my body no longer has a taste or hunger for it.  Does this mean that I will never eat a mozzarella stick again?  No.  But it does mean that mozzarella sticks are not something that I choose to eat over other choices that are better for my body and health.  I do not feel as if I am “missing out” or unable to have a pleasant time with friends at a restaurant; the pleasant time stems from being with friends, not food.

And with that, my friends, I will end.  Time to get back on task and tackle that work that has been waiting for me all weekend.  So, until next time. . . 

Still Losing!

            The weight slowly creeps away. . . down to 186.2. :-D    I need this good news in the midst of all of the catch-up that I am playing with work and courses.  It feels good to know that I am making progress and feeling better.  Well, my stomach is still gassy and gets really angry with me, but for the most part, I know why it is happening.  One, I think that I am eating too quickly, and two, I am not getting enough sleep.  Friday night I got home from work and went to take a nap at approximately 4:45.  Guess what time I woke up?  6:30 in the morning!!! I slept hard, too, and never heard Glenn get home, get ready to go to the band’s gig, come home, --- NOTHING.  I only woke up because he turned on the flashlight app on his phone when he came upstairs after falling asleep on his chair, LOL.  That flashlight app is loud, holy moly!  At any rate, I was upset for a bit because I wasted so much time and didn’t get any work done Friday night, but then I realized that it was good for my body and was grateful for the rest. 

            Now I need to find time to go shopping again!  I know that most people would be excited about that, but I am not a shopper because it is too stressful with money and all that jazz to keep buying new things.  Even the yoga pants are too big! I need new pants, for sure because I know that I am down a size.  I am hoping to find a few hours over Turkey Day break to hit up some thrift stores and maybe Gabe’s.  I need to focus on a few pair of pants and a pair of jeans – try to avoid buying too much.  Then, I can sell the ones that I have.  As much as I do not look forward to shopping, it is rewarding to see the surgery and hard work paying off.  Deep down inside I am jumping up and down and screaming like a child on Christmas morning!

            I spent the entire Saturday at my desk, though, and was able to get quite a bit accomplished.  Did the household, paper-worky type things, caught up on my educational newsletter reading, and a few other tasks.  Then, I cranked out two papers throughout the day.  I mean ALL day and didn’t go to bed until close to 4:00 a.m.  But I felt so much better knowing that I was almost caught up with PhD course work. Today, I worked for the morning and then took a break and went to see Warhorse.  OMG! THE SHOW IS ABSOFRIGGENLUTELY AMAZING!!!! It was such an emotional show, with plenty of laugh lines to break up the tension, but by far one of the best shows that I’ve seen in awhile. I went with West Apple Tours, and we had dinner at Del's before the show.  It's Italian, so there wasn't a lot that I could eat, but I had a few pieces of pasta, a small piece of bread, and a meatball.  I had a few bites of chicken marsala and some potatoes, but they were way too rich.  It was the perfect amount. :-)   So, now I am back at it, listening to the Steelers (and Glenn) in the background.  Come on, boys!!!

            Well, this is an early post, but I want to get back to this paper and maybe get it done early enough to sleep well tonight.  Short week and then I get to decorate for Christmas. So, until tomorrow. . .  

Night, Night!

               Down to 189. :-D  And, my clothes are once again getting too big!  I had to wear a belt with my pants today, and I haven’t had to wear one with my new pants until now.  It is a great feeling, but I do feel guilty about the money that I will have to spend to buy more clothes.  Granted, I will go to thrift stores, but it still seems like such a waste that I have to buy new clothes already.  It does feel fabulous, though, I’m not going to lie.  I was sitting at my desk tonight and looked down at my thighs.  I can see the difference!   Plus, yesterday, at one point during my presentation I was sitting with my legs crossed and I realized that only a short time ago I would not have been able to do that!  It really does feel good.

                Another stage that I have added to the journey is biotin supplements and using protein-enhanced shampoo to avoid hair loss. Because I am not eating a lot which means that I am not getting my 80 grams of protein a day, I run the risk of losing my hair. Therefore, at my hairdresser’s (thanks, Gwen) recommendation I am now taking a biotin supplement each day and using Nioxin shampoo and conditioner.  The last two times that my hair has been dyed, my scalp has been dry and taken on a lot of dye, and my hair has taken the dye differently.  Even though I haven’t noticed a huge change in the amount of hair lost, I wanted to be sure and “nip that in the bud” before it becomes an issue.

                The last two nights have been extremely late ones; however, I have made a dent in the huge to-do list for PhD work.  I am finished for the night and heading to bed as soon as I post this blog.  I am loving the internship work that I am doing, which makes me want to work on curriculum and instruction types of responsibilities even more!  I have a plan for how I am going to approach the next trimester group, and I want to get started, but I have to be patient and prioritize.  Doing the presentation yesterday to my colleagues really gave me a taste of what it is I want to do in the future, and now I am just anxious to get there!  The next year and a half better go by quickly! J

                Well, it is time to get some rest for a few hours.  I am in this weird state of flux where I am feeling settled into the craziness of my schedule, overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to happen for my courses, and drowned in the amount of work that I need to do for my job. . . but the prospect of Christmas decorating and the great things that I can accomplish with all of my work are helping me cope with everything.  So, on that happy note, I will end.  Until tomorrow. . .  

Need More Hours in a Day!

     Well, true to form, it is well after midnight and I am still attempting to cross things off of the to-do list; however, I have come to terms with that fact that I am simply not going to get everything accomplished by the end of today.  I need to try and get some sleep tonight since I have my first "big" presentation tomorrow in front of the entire faculty of my building.  YIKES!  I hope that they are nice to me, lol.  It is part of my internship, and I am excited about it, but definitely a bit nervous.  This is a big step for me as far as my role in the building.  I will not be sitting in the audience taking in the information being shared; I will be the one sharing the information!  I know that this is what I want to do, though, because I enjoyed putting the presentation together and preparing for what I need to say.  Fingers crossed and wish me luck! 
     Although I have not accomplished nearly what was on my to-do list and am going to have to take advantage of extensions granted to me by my professors because of Gram's funeral and other things this past week, I don't want to get too far behind.  I feel like I have been behind since the quarter started! Tomorrow, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I need to hunker down and get some work done!   Saturday, too, but I'd like to be able to clean the house and take care of things around here Saturday.  I hate when I can't keep up with the cleaning.  Sunday I am going to see Warhorse in Pittsburgh with Greg and other friends.  So excited!! The reviews for the show have been fabulous, and I can't wait to see the awesomeness of the horse, which is a puppet.  I know, sounds strange, right? I will definitely let you know what I think. :-)
     On a really bright note, I am done with the 190s!!!!! This morning I weighed 189.8!  Not that far out of the 190s, and I may venture into them a bit for the next few days as my weight evens out, but they are no longer the norm!  WOOT!  I can't believe it!  I caught up on some sleep Friday night and for a short nap Saturday, and I think that truly made the difference.  My body was able to relax and heal itself a bit, and the weight came off.  I know that I need to make a better effort to get the sleep that I need, but sometimes that is just too hard to do with school and classes. I had to drop out of the Christmas show that I was planning to do because I just couldn't do it.  Rehearsals would have put me over the edge, and I need the time to get caught up and try to get back on some semblance of a track.  
     Eating has been better the last two days, too.  I didn't eat much of anything Friday.  It was just a sad day and I wasn't in the mood for much food.  I got more yogurt, though, and I love the Fage yogurt.  Lots of protein and very satisfying.  Plus, it is soft and easy on my stomach.  I made some orzo with chicken and pesto sauce tonight, and it was good on the tummy, too.  Granted, I didn't eat a lot of the orzo, but it was nice to add a bit of something soft to go with the chicken.  I have been craving a salad, though.  I can't wait until I can have a grilled chicken salad. Yum! 
     With that, it is time to get some sleep.  I have a big day tomorrow, and I would like to have it be as successful and productive as possible. So, until then, my friends . . . 
     

Trying to Catch My Breath

        Wow, I feel like a hamster on a wheel. . . .I keep running and running, but I am not getting anywhere!  I am not sure how I am going to keep up this schedule.  My body is seriously unhappy with me, and I am having trouble eating much of anything.  However, I am not losing weight because my body is under too much stress and not getting enough rest.  Something has to give soon, and I am not sure exactly what that something may be. Can't give up the job, and I sure as hell am not giving up the PhD work.  Not much left.  I don't do much of anything anymore. Just gotta keep on plugging away and hope for a break at some point! 
        I apologize for not keeping up with the blog everyday; it is one of the things that I can put off until another day. And, I am afraid that tonight is going to be a short one.  
        Eating was a bit of a task around lunch time, but I was able to eat some fat free refried beans for dinner. I added a little milk and cheese to smooth them up a bit more.  I know that they sound gross, but I love them.  I need to get some more yogurt ASAP because I have been out for two days and that has been my staple breakfast food for the last months. Smooth and easy to handle.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be a bit better and I can start to feel normal, without all of the gas pains and yuckiness. 
        Exercise is another thing that has gone by the wayside, and I need to figure out a way to work it back in to the schedule.  I just don't know where or how, really.  I know that everyone says that you just have to do it, but when can I fit it in?  I get home late and then immediately get to work.  If I took an hour to exercise, I would be up until 4:30 every night instead of 3:30! No can do.  Again, just gotta figure this out.  It's only been a little over two months, but I feel like I am just not making any progress. Very frustrating. 
        On a positive note, I am going to the eye doctor tomorrow, and I am going to pick out a snazzy new pair of glasses!! I will let you know what I decide!  I am excited to see how different I look in them since I've lost so much weight in my face. 
         Unfortunately, I must end and go to bed.  I am nodding off as I type. So, until tomorrow. . . 

Long Days, Past, Present, and Future

     I must start by sending my love and prayers to my husband and his family as they cope with the loss of their Grandma and Mother.  Grandma, you always made me feel so welcome and I thank you for that.  I will think of you every time I have a grilled cheese sandwich (even if it is a small, small one).  Rest in Peace and enjoy the new leg of your journey, where you will feel no pain and be reunited with your friends and family who have gone before you. 
     Fingers crossed that my computer which decided to crap out on me tonight can be repaired.  The time of day battery died again.  Ugh.  I need to get it fixed ASAP because I want to fix the video I made for the funeral home and ALL of my work is on there.  I was in the middle of doing some work tonight and BOOM it shut down.  My hubby totally rocks, though, and gave me his other computer.  Since he isn't DJ'ing much anymore, he doesn't need a back-up per se, so I am going to take over the the computer that was pretty much rebuilt a few months ago.  I am  already on the search for a purple cover. :-) He is just too damn good to me.  
     The last few days have been a bit rough.  The schedule is a bit insane at the moment and, quite frankly, I feel like I am sinking a bit.  I need to get in gear.  I feel like I make a dent in the work, and then I turn around and twenty more things have been added to it.  If I find out who keeps adding those things to my list when I'm not looking, so help me. . . . ;-) I was up until 3:00 this morning doing some work, and tonight I crossed several things off of my to-do list that weren't important, but I just wasn't able to concentrate tonight.  Thinking about Gram and Glenn and taking care of those I love.  Then, the computer died, so that pretty much decided that not much could get done tonight. 
     My stomach has not been too happy with me, either, but I think that the craziness and schedule have affected that more than I want to admit.  Lunch did not stay with me today, but I know that at school I eat too fast because I only have about 20-25 minutes to each lunch.  Dinner was pretty good and I was able to eat it without too much trouble.  I made an adapted version of the bacon and swiss quiche from Leach's book.  I used a frozen pie crust and layered some shredded cheese on the bottom.  Then, I added Jimmy Dean lean sausage crumbles, broccoli, turkey bacon, onion, and red pepper.  I mixed the egg, milk, pepper, kosher salt, and nutmeg and poured it on top.  I baked it for quite a while, at least an hour, but it was rather yummy!  I have leveled out at around 193, but I know why I may have a few extra pounds now. ;-) I have been trying to stick to soft foods as much as possible because my stomach seems to like those much better.  Definitely need to get more yogurt. :-)
      Tomorrow I have a computer workshop after school until 6:45, and then I MUST come home and do LOTS AND LOTS of work.  Please send good mojo to my laptop so that it can be fixed and returned quickly tomorrow so that I can begin the process of transferring everything to this computer.  I do have a back-up, but I don't remember if I backed up this week, and I think that I may start to use an online back-up, too, . . remember, lots of good mojo!  
     Not a very exciting blog tonight, but I must end.  Going to vote before work tomorrow in case I get held up after the workshop.  So, until tomorrow. . . 

I Bought a Coat!!!

           I bought a new winter coat today!!!  Now, to some of you that may not seem like a big deal, but I haven’t had a winter coat in over 10 years.  Being overweight, coats just felt bulky and uncomfortable, so I never wore them.  I had a denim jacket that I wore -- that was it.  Today, I bought a new denim jacket AND a real winter coat!  Another milestone in my journey - buying a winter coat at Walmart, off-the-rack, XL. I wore that coat right outta the store, one because I was so freaking proud of myself, and two, because it was so freaking cold!!!

            Eating today was hit or miss.  I had a couple coffees (Keurig and Starbucks), a bit of the leftover chili, a mozzarella cheese stick, a tiny bit of wedding soup, a cupcake, and a tiny bit of peanut butter.  Odd combinations, I know, but things just haven’t been sitting well with me and I’ve felt really gassy and bloated, so I have to go back and forth to see what I can handle and what I can’t.  It wasn’t the best day, but I don’t feel hungry at all.  I still need to work on drinking more clear liquids, though. I just don’t do it enough.  I did eat two popsicles last night, so that may be a way for me to get some clear liquid into the system, but I just need to step it up a notch as far as that goes. 

            Today I had a phone conference about my internship for my PhD program, and I feel so much better about it!  I revamped it so that I am able to take on more of a leadership role in a few areas at school.  My supervisor and professor were really happy with the ideas, and I am stoked about the whole thing.  It will be a challenge, but a rewarding one that will give me authentic experience for what I want to do in the future.  It would be great if I could be a curriculum director for the district, but that is not going to happen anytime soon, unfortunately.  I definitely need a bit more experience before I am ready to take on that role, and I think that the internship will provide that experience. 

            I also got my tattoo in memory of my kitty, Puck.  I know I sound like a broken record, but damn, do I miss that cat.  It’s perfect, and the perfect memory of him.  I can see it and hold it right to my heart. 

            I didn’t get home until almost 9:00, so unfortunately after unpacking the groceries, paying bills, and taking care of some other household chores, there isn’t much time left for “rel work”.  I will have to pick up the pace tomorrow so that I do not get too far behind this week.  I want to be able to go out and enjoy my hubby’s band Saturday night at the Youngwood Fire Hall.  If you are a local reader, come on out! We can dance to some great music!

            On that note, I am going to close and get some sleep.  Until tomorrow. . . 

Latest "After" Shot, sporting my Halloween gear

My tattoo, You will always be my kitty <3

My buddy was always right by my side, no matter how late into the night I worked.

Back At It

           WOW!  It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, and I thank all of you for your patience and understanding as I was away for my last PhD Colloquium.  It was worth the stress and effort, though, because I have a dissertation topic!!!  WOOT!  Now, I have to finish courses, clinical internship, and comps. . .then it’s dissertation time in July.  Holy moly, it’s hard to believe that two years after starting my PhD program, I will be in the dissertation phase.  The dream is within reach!

            It was such an incredible weekend, too.  I spent some time with old friends and made some new ones.   The emails and Facebook posts have been flying since our returns home, giving each other safety wishes for the storm and encouraging words to keep plugging away toward the goal.  My table -- Becky, Jolie, Hillary, Paul, Stacey, LaShae, and Bernardo -- are people with whom a bond was formed.  Some on a personal, life-long level, and others maybe on more of a professional level, but the connection is there.  It was so rewarding to be with like-minded people and discuss professional ideas, innovations, and possibilities.  It definitely fueled my passion for what I am doing and my aspirations.  The motto for the weekend:  See you at graduation!!!

            It does make my going back to work a bit of a struggle, though.  I have to come to terms with the fact that I have come to the end of my growth in my current position.  Sure, I can make a difference in my classroom and work with colleagues to make changes, but on a district level, on a scholarly level, I have gone as far as I can go.  Although I can’t really move away at this point because I would never take my hubby away from his passion -- the band -- I can start to look elsewhere for places through which I can find fulfillment.  Change is always a bit scary, but it is time for that change to be made.

            Recovery-wise, I had a rough day.  I ate some eggs earlier and they did not go over too well. I had to go back to bed for a bit.  The protein shake that I tried afterwards did not sit too well, either.  I finally had some chili tonight and was able to stay upright.  I think my body is just not ready for the schedule that I keep, but I have no choice.  Life is what it is.  I am not able to stay home longer, and I need to work to keep things going.  I know that it will all work out in the end, but I am having a rocky time right now balancing my desire to get back to a normal routine.

            Weight-wise, things are looking good!  I am down to 194.2!!!  And, this weekend, I wore cool outfits and actually felt like a normal person.  I wore skirts and dresses and jeans and even a stylish green jacket! Oh, and I crossed my legs like a girl when sitting!  I didn’t realize it at first, but at one point while listening to a presenter, I realized that my legs were crossed at the knee, not the ankle.  It’s been years since I could do that! Plus, I spent the weekend with great friends, old and new, went out to eat, and did not feel as if I had to sacrifice anything.  I ordered a wine if I wanted it (although I never finish a glass), fish that was prepared either baked or in a way that I could enjoy, and even dessert.  Of course, I only ate a few bites of the dessert - half at most - but I never felt like I was not able to enjoy myself.  Lunch on Saturday did not go over too well, but I think that it was the way the hotel prepared the fish that did me in.  In all, this weekend demonstrated that I will be able to sustain the changes in my life because they are not preventing me from living.   

            Okey dokey, it is late and I need to get some sleep so that I am not a zombie for Halloween, unintentionally.  ;-)  It is good to be back, for sure.  Until tomorrow . . .

And It Has Begun . . .

            Wow, has this been an incredibly busy and exhausting week.  Good, but my body is definitely having some issues keeping up with my schedule now.  Friday night I went to see the band and had a great time.  Wonderful friends and good music; doesn’t get much better than that.  My friends Greg, Ed, and Sue came, along with two of Sue’s friends, Autumn and Kirsten.  It was so good to have them there to support my Glenndini and to just have a good time. :-)

            Yesterday, I went to get my Oz tattoo.  It is totally ozsome!!  Brian Corley at Unique Ink in Greensburg absolutely rocked it and got it right.  I have an appointment on Halloween to get a tattoo in memory of Puck. I am getting something small on my wrist.  His name and maybe a heart or paw print. Nothing too extravagant, but another way to always have my buddy with me each and every day.  I still miss him like crazy, and every time I think about him I get teary. I miss my Puckaroo something fierce, for sure. 

            After the tattoo, I went to run errands; the first stop was Barnes & Noble, and I ended up wandering through the store looking at everything.  Then, I took my choices to the coffee shop, had a Pumpkin Spice latte  (skim milk, no whip) while I looked through them and made final decisions.  I went to Kohl’s, Target, and Wal-mart to look for clothes and get groceries.  At some point in Barnes and Noble, I realized that I needed to just take some time, be by myself, and do something other than school or PhD work.  I was in what I call a “burn out coma”; they occur when the realization of the amount of work that must be completed is so overwhelming that your brain and body just shuts down for several hours.  I needed to separate myself for a bit and take care of some other things so that I could spend today focusing on my work again. 

            That separation meant that today was all work and no play, though.  Since I didn’t get to bed until around 5:30 this morning, I didn’t wake up until 11:00 woke me up to say good-bye before he left for his show this afternoon.  I ate breakfast, watched a little TV, and got to work.  I finished my replies to discussion posts for PhD work, updated my teacher website, did lesson plans and answer keys for the week, read some for PhD work, and then had to take a bit of a nap because I was head bobbing at the desk.  During the Steelers game, I reworked my internship proposal so that it could be resubmitted for this week’s assignment.   Of course, I had to stop a few times to eat, take Cira out, clean the tattoo, etc., but it really has been a work-filled day.  I am slow going at it though, and that is so frustrating!  I hate that it takes me so long to accomplish things.  I know that I am doing my best and want to put my best into everything, but sometimes I feel like I am the slowest person on earth when it comes to work. 

            Well, it is time to go to bed and try to get some sleep. It will be a long day tomorrow, but I may be able to get a nap in when I get home before I hit the books again.  I will be out of town for a PhD Colloquium from Wednesday late until Sunday evening, so I want to be as productive as possible tomorrow and Tuesday.  Wish me luck!

            Until tomorrow. . . 

Almost Friday!

        Well, I made it through the first week! I am utterly worn out, exhausted, but it will feel great to have a full week under my belt after tomorrow.  The kids have been great so far, and it really doesn't feel like I have been gone that long. But it is definitely busy, busy, busy, as expected.  Yesterday was a rough day. I woke up and did not feel too swift from the get-go because Monday and Tuesday were both late nights.  I couldn't even get my contacts in -- my eyes just wouldn't let me put them in. I ended up getting sick after eating some egg whites for lunch, and just never felt right the rest of the day.  
       Today was a much better day.  I had some sliced turkey and a cheese stick for breakfast/lunch, my morning coffee, three pieces of sugar free licorice, two and a half veggie "nuggets" with some mango salsa, one of the ice cream mini-sandwiches, and two BelVita crackers/cookies.  I have been getting in a lot of fluid today, too, which is good.  I know that I need to focus on getting more to drink.  
        I stopped at the YWCA Thrift Store after school today and bought a few things to wear.  I was pretty happy.  It took me an hour and a half to look through everything, try clothes on, and purchase.  I was so tired of putting clothes on and taking them off by the end of that time, though.  It was nice to be buying up those smaller sizes, but the time that it takes to shop is crazy.  I do need to get a few more tops, though, so that I really can switch things up a bit.  I don't want to be wearing the same five outfits each week, LOL.  I got home and did a bit of work while the band practiced.  Now, I am getting ready to get to sleep. I am falling asleep while I type . . . .
        Overall, I am feeling pretty good.  Exercise is not going well this week, but I am going to try an be okay with that at the moment because I am trying to get ready to being back to work and my crazy schedule.  I seem to have hit a slump, and have wavered between 199.8 and 200 for a few days.  I have been uber-stressed about my PhD work this week, so I am sure that hasn't helped too much.  I am still not on any meds, which is what I want, even though a kick of Zoloft would probably do me some good right now. I am still determined to get through this without and meds and with everything doing well. 
       And, with that, I must end.  I have just nodded off while typing.  Oops. :-) 
       Until tomorrow. . . 

Whew, I'm Tuckered Out. . .

             Today was pretty good, and I made it through the day pretty nicely.  Mammogram after school, home, quick dinner, power nap, and back up at 8:30 so that I could move to the desk and get to work.  It was a nice little power nap, but it definitely means that I was up later than I should have been tonight.

            So, I have hit the under 200 mark! I have been at 199.8 for a couple of days.  That is so freakin’ awesome.  I have not been under 200 pounds in ten years.  TEN YEARS!!!  It is a fabulous feeling, and definitely adds to the motivation factor.  I am hoping to hit the YWCA Thrift Shop in Greensburg Thursday evening so that I can pick up a few more things to wear; I know that I will be in this size for a month or so, and I don’t want to be wearing the same thing every day, LOL.  Plus, I won’t be able to do laundry at Colloquia next week and I want to have some comfy clothes to wear, not all so much dress clothes. 

            Food-wise, today was okay.  Better than yesterday.  I had my morning coffee and a cheese stick, sipped on my water all day, ate some leftover chicken for lunch, had the rest of the BelVita pack from yesterday, finished the leftover chicken for dinner, and had a few bites of egg whites.  Another coffee, too, but I am trying to bust out PhD work and it was a necessity. The amount of chicken I ate in both meals equaled about the size of ¾ of a Ho-Ho.  It was yummy with the ricotta and sauce, and doesn’t make me miss the pasta too much. 

            Exercise has not happened too much this past week because I am simply trying to get through the days at this point.  I am up and moving around a lot more than I have been, so hopefully that is a good thing for now.  I need to get back to a semi-normal routine so that I can figure out how in the heck that I am going to fit it in with everything else.  For those of you on the journey, too, we can do this. . . .we just have to keep plugging on and figure it out as we go.  But with us cheering one another on, we will definitely meet the challenges!!

            Until tomorrow. . . . 

Welcome Back!

            Wow, today was a long day!  I got home from my first day back to school around 5:30, changed into comfy clothes, tried to eat some dinner but it wasn’t sitting too well, and crashed on the couch until around 9:45.  Drool on the pillow and everything.  I am wiped out, but I have to do some PhD work and get some things ready for tomorrow.  Hopefully, I can get to bed around 1:00 - 1:30. 

            I have a doctor appointment after school tomorrow, so I need to scoot out of the building really fast. Ugh. That is never fun.  It is so hard to leave on time because it takes a few minutes to get things ready for the next day.  I hate walking into my room without things ready to go.  I hate that about anything, really.  Waking up to dishes being done or the living room being disheveled . . . it just makes my day feel like it is already off to a rocky start.  When I get home in the evening, I need to make a much better effort to not crash on the couch so that I can get some work completed.  I know that it will take a bit of time to adjust to a new schedule with a new body chemistry, but I don’t want it to take too long.  I want to get out of the rut of Work-Nap-Work-Sleep-Work, etc.  I would like to be able to sleep like a normal person so that I can inject a bit of enjoyment into my evenings. 

            Work went well today.  It was good to see so many wonderful friends who are genuinely happy for me and the changes that I am making.  I didn’t eat too much today, though.  My stomach just wasn’t happy.  Of course, it could be the cramps. Who knows.  I ate a few bites of cottage cheese with pureed pears, a cheese stick, one bite of left over scallops, a few bites of sugar-free pudding with protein powder, a BelVita cracker, a few bites of chicken with ricotta and sauce, a few pizza bites, a Weight Watchers mini iced cream sandwich, and a piece of sugar-free Twizzler.  Now, mind you, a few bites for me is using a baby spoon. Literally about ¼ of a teaspoon.  I might have to go back to some softer foods for a bit until I adjust to the new schedule.  The ice cream and pudding were so much easier to digest and felt good in my belly, but nothing else was like that which is why I had a bite of this and a bite of that.  Everything together probably added up to the size of one chicken breast -- even though it sounds like I ate a ton.  Got in all of the vitamins, too.  I didn’t get much water in today, either, but I sipped and sipped all day long.  Real coffee in the morning, two decafs throughout the day, and my Nalgene with me at all times. :-) Overall, not the best day as far as eating is concerned, but it ended better than it began. 

            Work went well, too. I had a few moments in the middle of the day where I was so glad to have Katie (my sub) with me because she was able to take over and I could have a bit of a break.  I was dizzy a bit in the afternoon, too, but I am sure that is because I was moving around and not able to eat or drink as much as I wanted to do throughout the day.  I was able to get through the Forensic practice, too, and there was a big group of kids there, so I am hoping that it stays that way.  It is tons more work, but tons more fun to have a lot of kids involved, as opposed to one or two. Actually makes it more of a team and competitive atmosphere.  The kids seemed to be pretty good, too, and a few classes I can tell will be a lot of great discussion. So, I am back in the saddle again. . . feels like I never left, in a way.

            Time to get to bed and try this sleeping thing again. Until tomorrow. . . .   

Full Day with Another on Deck. . .

        Another busy couple of days, with more busy days ahead!  Last night I returned from Open House and   was simply exhausted.  I checked my email, ate a small snack, and went directly to bed.  I had a hard time keeping my eyes open by the time I crawled into bed.  Open House went well, which was expected.  It's such a quick evening, and by the time you get started, each 10 minute period is over.  I got to school around 3:20 - right when the busses were leaving and did see a few kids.  It was good to see them.  A student stayed after to help me switch out back-to-school decorations to Halloween decorations, and I put away the things that I had brought to school.  After an hour, it felt as if I'd never left.  Just like that. I am not certain that I am completely ready to go back, but I am at least ready to go back for Monday.  Tomorrow I will type up my lesson plans and be ready to go on Monday.
        Today was another busy day, for sure.  I woke up and spent two hours -- yes, two hours -- going through the stack of mail that I brought home with me from school.  Ugh. Then, it was some paperwork for Capella and PhD course work.  Next was actual PhD homework.  Cleaned the car, did some laundry, then got ready to go with a friend to another friend's show.  Dinner was yummy!  I had grilled tilapia with crab and shrimp and a glass of wine.  Well, I drank 2/3 of the wine and brought home the veggies, potatoes, and over half of the fish.  It will be a nice meal or two or three, LOL, for tomorrow.  In the morning, the repair folks are supposed to be here in the morning to check out the stove, and then I need to go out and do some serious shopping. Groceries, for sure, but I need to get some more clothes.  I definitely need more than the one pair of pants that I have right now.  I am a bit nervous about shopping, though, because it is going to take quite a while.  I hope to hit a few thrift stores tomorrow, instead of just retail.  Wish me luck!
         I will say that it has felt fabulous to be wearing my new size 14 pants the last two days.  I found a pair of black pants and a pair of jeans at Macy's that are really comfortable.  Of course, they were on clearance and I probably won't find them again, LOL, but I will need new sizes in a month or so anyway.  I don't want to wear my bigger clothes anymore after wearing the ones that fit.  It would be like going backwards!  It helps me see the progress that I have made, absolutely.  I noticed Wednesday night at the Ferguson show and tonight at the theater that I fit into the seats easier, too.  I wasn't cramped, and I didn't feel as if I was a sausage stuffed into a too-small casing.  It was a wonderful feeling and was another key to my recognizing my progress.
         The time has come to end for the night and get some sleep for another big day tomorrow.  Date night with Glenndini is tomorrow, too.  Going to dinner and to sing some karaoke. :-)
        Until tomorrow. . .
       

Great Day

     Today was a long day, but a good one.  My phone did not charge overnight because the charger was not working, so I did not wake up until later than I had wanted.  I spent the morning taking care of some paperwork and doing discussion posts for PhD courses.  Then, it was time to get ready for our evening out.  We met friends for dinner and then went to see Craig Ferguson at The Palace.  Dinner was yummy - we went to J. Corks.  I ordered a scallops dinner and ate two of the scallops with three of the green beans;  it was scrumptious.  I even had a bit of white wine and a bite of hot pretzel appetizer.  The dinner came with mac-n-cheese, gourmet of course, and I had one little noodle.  It was good, but I didn't want to overeat and be miserable during the show.  It was so nice to relax with good friends and just talk and hang out.  
      The show was hilarious, and I laughed the entire time.  Ferguson is a nut, that's for sure.  He was just going and going the entire time.  His opening act was the guy who is the voice behind Geoff, the skeleton robot on his show.  I will never hear Morgan Freeman's voice the same way again, LOL.  They were a bit raunchy, but funny.  I would definitely go see them again. 
      Tomorrow I will be going to school for Open House.  I am a bit nervous, for sure.  I am going to get to school around 3:00 so that I can work in my room prior to Open House and get ready for Monday, as I said.  I think that getting back into a routine will be the best way to help me start to get a grip on things again.  I know that when I don't have to do anything, I tend not to, so I am hoping that is my biggest issue at the moment.  When I won't have tomorrow to work on something, I might feel more motivated to get things done today.  Only time will tell. 
      Well, it is time to try and sleep, if I can get comfortable and fend of gas and back pains for a bit.  Until tomorrow. . . 

Gotta Keep Pushing On

The Internet is back!  The Comcast tech was here on time, and not only fixed us up with wireless, but also fixed the TV connections so that we have much better picture.  Thanks, Comcast guy!  Of course, with the Internet fixed, I had to do some work this morning, so I did get a few things accomplished (like cleaning the oven) before I took a nap.  Glenn went hunting after work, so I did a few things around the house.  I made him stuffed hot peppers for dinner, but this time put some of the seeds and crushed red pepper flakes in with the ground turkey.  Also, I included onions, green pepper, and red pepper.  I sprinkled some crumbled blue cheese on top, too.  I made the shrimp spread from Leach’s book, but I am not a fan -- too much of an onion flavor from the scallions.  I am so bummed. I was looking forward to it so much!!  I hope Glenndini likes it, or I will have to be creative about a use for it.  I hate to throw it away.

            I spent the evening doing work for PhD courses and trying to not feel so overwhelmed.  I did make a pretty big dent in the list, so I am feeling better.  I am hoping that when I get back to work and rehearsal and course work and forensics and . . .well, you get the picture . . . .that I will feel an increase in my motivation and focus.  I know that not taking my depression/anxiety med is probably still a factor in my inability to focus and absence of motivation to return to work, but I am hoping that it is also a case of “doing nothing” equaling “not wanting to do anything”.  Does that make sense?  It is nice to be able to take care of the house, laundry, cleaning, pack lunches, etc. rather than have them hanging over my head, but I know that not having to HAVE to have things done plays a factor in not getting them done.  I just want to be able to enjoy things, and I know that when I get back to work, things will become insanely busy again.  I don’t like the feeling of guilt I experience when I go to see the band instead of stay home to grade papers or do course work.  It is just a matter of finding that balance and ways to cope that work for me - without the help of medication.

            Tomorrow I am going to “get purpled” -- my hair done.  I have to stop at the YWCA Thrift Shop in Greensburg, too, to find some clothes to wear.  I need to do that for work, and I don’t want to buy new clothes every time I need a new size.  I need some new shoes, too, but I think that my feet have lost weight.  Is that possible?   Were even my feet fat?  Geez.  Then, I need to stop at Unique Ink to drop off/discuss the tattoo.  As my Facebook post noted, I narrowed the lyric, and I think that I may end up with both.  I just can’t decide, and I do like both.  They both have a place in my heart and who I am as a person.  Definitely need to talk to the artist and figure it out.  Tomorrow night the band is at Teddy’s in Irwin for an acoustic show.  I am really going to try and go.  I may have to take the laptop and do some work, but that is okay.  I can have a decaf and enjoy some good tunes. :-) Glenn is going hunting again after work, so if he gets a deer, he may not make it.  Might be a true acoustic show, LOL.  But we will be eatin’ good if so!!

            Well, I am going to read a bit for enjoyment before I try to get some sleep.  Until tomorrow. . . 

Here I Go . . .

This weekend has been a long one, although good.  I have felt kind of funky all weekend -- just gassy and uncomfortable.  I looked online this morning and apparently the gas that they pump into you during surgery can take many weeks to work out of your system.  I think that the back pain that I’ve been having is because of this gas.  I had a good time at the baby shower/Open House yesterday, too; it was nice to visit with folks that we haven’t seen for awhile.  We stopped home to let Cira out, and I just wasn’t feeling up to going out for the rest of the evening, so we ended up staying in.  I started reading Mockingjay, though, and it is fabulous.  I actually fell asleep with it on my face, LOL.  I only have a few more pages to go, so I am hoping to finish it tonight or tomorrow.  
PhD classes start this week, so no more thoughts of relaxing for me.  As usual, I did not get much of anything accomplished in the three-week break between quarters.  At least I don’t feel as if I did.  I have one class and my clinical internship -- which are the online courses that I am developing that I keep talking about -- but based on the syllabi that I printed tonight, the quarter is going to once again eat away at my life.  I wish that I could take a sabbatical.  It would allow me to focus on my course work without always feeling so run down and exhausted, or guilty for doing something other than school work or course work.  Also, I have the last four-day Colloquia coming up in a few weeks. Yikes!!! At the last one, I start to really narrow down my thinking and put my dissertation ideas on paper.  AAHH!!  Wow, that is a great feeling and a scary as hell feeling at the same time.  I mean, I have some ideas, but not anything too set-in-stone.  I better do some serious thinking in the next few weeks!  
Eating today has been pretty low-key.  I certainly didn’t overeat this weekend, but having two get-togethers/parties, I did eat “normal” food.  I had some pumpkin cream of wheat for breakfast, a Colby jack cheese stick for lunch, two BelVita crackers with Justin’s Chocolate Almond Butter for snack, and two vegetarian “chicken” nuggets with a bit of sauce and mozzarella on them for dinner.  I am a bit hungry at the moment, but at this point it is only a protein drink, if anything.  I do feel a bit better; not such a heavy feeling.  
Well, I can feel the stress level rising as I think about the amount of work that I need to accomplish, so I am going to attempt some sleep.  The Comcast tech person will be here between 10:00 and noon to install wireless since out router pooped out.  I tried to reinstall the software, but our laptops are too new for it.  So, time to upgrade.  Thus, I must try to get some rest so that I can be ready to get to work once the system is restored. 
Until tomorrow. . . 

Great Friday

            Well, this has been a long, busy day, but a good one.  Last night, I crashed around 9:30 and didn’t wake up until 7:00 this morning.  It was a quick cup of pumpkin spice coffee before the house cleaning began.  Scrubbing, dusting, vacuuming, . . . ugh.  Then, I was off for some errands.  I stopped at Unique Ink and ordered a new nose stud -- purple rhinestone -- and scheduled an appointment to get some artwork for my poppies and U2 lyric tattoo.  Yippee!  Once I get that one, I will get one for Puck.  I am still not sure where I want that one, so I am holding off until I figure it out.  The poppies and lyrics will be on my foot/ankle. 

            We had a few people over tonight -- my parents, friend Greg, and friends Gary & Angela & their son Bry -- for a small campfire. I made some turkey chili, which was really good, and bought stuff for s’mores.  I even enjoyed a few bites of a s’more and a piece of chocolate, as well as a few sips of wine and a bit of margarita.  I felt fine.  Now I certainly wasn’t guzzling anything or eating a complete serving of anything, but it did feel good to know that I could have a taste of things while at a party or something.  We sat around the fire pit and BS’ed for awhile.  No rain spoiled the evening, either. :-)

            Tomorrow is a busy day, too.  A baby shower and a band performance to see.  I hope to get a few things done in the morning, but I am not sure how early I will be climbing out of bed.  I have been on the go since I woke up, and a looking forward to going to bed soon.  Sunday will be auditions for McKeesport Little Theater’s children’s shows for Christmas.  I know that it will be a lot of work, but I really miss it.  Plus, PhD courses start again Tuesday, so I need to get into the course rooms and print the all of the information and weekly lessons.  Time to really think about balance again.

            This morning the scale read 203.8 but I am sure that after tonight it may be up a bit.  Not that I ate a lot but I did have more sugary types of food than normal.  I have done a ton of walking this week, along with cleaning and decorating, so exercising is becoming a good thing.  Monday begins the workout schedule.  I know that I was planning to do some of the days for the end of this week, but time is running out.  I feel much better today; my back is not nearly as sore as it has been throughout the beginning of the week.  Thank goodness!  The pain was really starting to become unbearable.  It must have known that I bought some Tylenol, lol.  I called the Dr. to see what I was allowed to take, and Sandy told me that I am allowed topicals and Tylenol, but no anti-inflammatories or steroids.  I didn’t ask about cold medicines, but that will be the question for when I have a cold.

            Well, not much to share today, but it has gotten much later and I am in need of sleep.  So, until tomorrow. . . 

Hump Day Happenings

            Hello, Friends!  Last night was another night that just snuck up on me and I was tuckered out from a busy day.  I haven’t felt 100% the last couple of days -- probably because I completely overdid it on Monday.  But I like having my Halloween decorations up and ready to be enjoyed.  At any rate, I had not slept much Monday night, so yesterday kicked my butt.  I did walk on the treadmill and do some arm weights when I woke up, ate an egg for breakfast, packed my computer and school bag, got ready, and headed to school for the workshop.  Afterwards, I had to stop for a few groceries that I had forgotten on Monday.  I hate that - I have a list, and I STILL forget things.  Grr.  Anyway, it was nice to see my friends from school, and once the workshop started, I slipped right back into my old self, joking and asking questions, and trying to lighten the mood so-to-speak.  I mean, who wants to sit through three hours of computer training after working all day, right?  I did learn a few things, though, so I was happy with it.  Of course, since I am developing two online courses, I had a higher stake in the workshop than most.  I don’t know that I am ready to go back to school whole-hog, but I don’t really have a choice now, do I? LOL. 

            When I got home, I did a few odds-and-ends while watching the NCISes with Glenndini, had a snack, and promptly realized that I needed to sleep.  I woke up this morning with an incredible back ache so after I packed Glenndini’s lunch, I went back to bed with a heating pad that didn't do the trick, so I switched to Icy Hot.  I think that I finally fell asleep from exhaustion.  When I finally rolled out of bed, I knew that exercise was not happening.  I did some paperworky types of things, made some phone calls, and then went to pick up my niece to go out for her “birthday date”.  I started taking my niece and nephew out for their birthdays so that we could have dinner, visit, and then they could shop for their own present.  Caitlin has grown into such a beautiful, intelligent young woman, and I truly had a great time just being with her.  I am so blessed that at 15 (OMG!  FIFTEEN!!!) that she still wants to spend time with “Aunt Lis”.  We talked about going to see Frankenweenie next weekend with Ryan, and then having a sleepover.  That would be fabulous, so I hope it works out.  She and I used to watch Nightmare Before Christmas when she was only two and three, and she knew the entire movie off-by-heart.  Now, we can enjoy another Tim Burton creation. 

            I also tried on a “one-size-fits-all” shawl type of jacket and guess what?? It fit!  I didn’t try anything on except a couple pairs of shoes, but I was excited to think that I could find clothes to wear at JCP.  We played at Sephora, too, and I really hate to admit it, but I like to experiment with make-up and stuff.  For so long, I haven’t because I haven’t felt pretty or as if I should waste time and money on myself because I wouldn’t look good anyway.  Today, I wanted to have a full-blown make-over and buy so much stuff!  It was fun to play around with stuff. I might have to have a make-up service appointment so that I can learn a bit more about the various products that they sell. 

            Eating wasn’t a big deal today, either.  I had an egg, like I said, for breakfast.  We went to Eat-n-Park for dinner and they were great.  I ordered a piece of cod baked, in water.  My sides were cottage cheese and applesauce.  Of course, I only ate a few bites of each of the sides and half of the fish.  But it was good, and I was happy.  I had decaf, too, not even a whole cup.  Tonight, I had a piece of cheese with some hummus and a few Special K crackers.  I can use the hummus and cheese to crunch up the crackers really well.  And, my nightcap was a cookies and cream protein shake, recipe from Susan Leach.  I made it with chocolate protein powder instead of vanilla, and it is yummy, yummy. Of course, I only had a few sips and I am full, so I can look forward to finishing it tomorrow.  I use her book for the recipes, but I am pretty sure they can be found on her website, www.bariatriceating.com.  The foods are GOOD, but simply watch portion size, sugar and fat content, and carb count.  Glenndini has enjoyed everything that I have made so far, and we do not feel as if we are being shortchanged on taste at all.  Give some a try - you might be surprised! 

            Tomorrow is a busy day, too, but I need to spend some time getting some more work down for the online courses.  I made my to-do list, and I need to try and conquer it. Also, my friend sent the work out plan, so I want to hit that running.  I can start it on Sunday according to the schedule, but I can still do the days for the remainder of this week to get into a routine.  So, I am going to end this and try to get to sleep before it is more tomorrow than it already is. 

            Until tomorrow. . .