Today was
another productive day! Visited with my Mom for a bit, chatted with the Avon
lady when she dropped of my order, and did some more painting. I took a little nap on the couch after dinner
because I didn’t sleep too well last night.
Too much running through my head, lol.
Tonight I helped a friend with a paper and worked on my own PhD
assignments. Not too exciting, but it
was a good day to me. :-)
I caught
myself thinking about how my self-image is going to be changing as I go through
this journey. I always refer to my “fat
girl pants” and shopping at the “fat girl store,” but I am not going to be able
to say that soon. I will be able to shop
in stores that I haven’t stepped foot in since 2004. That is going to be different, for sure. I can already tell a difference in my upper
body - I don’t need to wear both a regular bra and a sports bra anymore. One is enough. You can bet I’ve been doing chest presses
while sitting at my desk in an effort to keep things from going south, if you know
what I mean. ;-) I haven’t decided which
pair of pants I am going to keep as a reminder of where I have been and to
where I will NEVER return. I do know
that adjusting my self-image so that it truly reflects my physical being is
going to be a greater challenge than the other lifestyle changes, I think,
because it is so hard to get rid of the bad things. I can get a hundred good compliments, but
that one negative statement is the one that sticks and takes over my thinking. One of my favorite lines in Pretty Woman occurs when Roberts and
Gere are in bed talking. She says, that “The
bad stuff is easier to believe.” It’s so
true. I work very hard to simply say “thank
you” when given a compliment, but it is so hard to not come back with all of
the things that I thing are ugly or wrong about me. What is it about our society that makes us
feel that to believe the good things and be proud of the good things is bad or
makes someone a braggart? I will not let
the bastards get me down, though, as my favorite band U2 sang.
On a random
note, I really miss singing. I haven’t
been in a show since May, and I did sing at the wedding a few weeks ago, but I
haven’t had a chance to even sing some karaoke much since May. I need to find a place to sing. It is such a powerful way to energize myself
and get the positive vibes flowing. I
would love to sing in a little acoustic duo or something, lol. All I have to offer that is my voice; I cannot
play any instruments. I can jingle a tambourine,
but that is about it. Maybe I will find
a karaoke night in the next week or so when the soreness subsides a bit more so
I can really expand my diaphragm and breathe correctly.
Well,
friends, it is time to end for the night.
Have a fantabulous day and know that whatever struggles you face, we can
get through it together. Sending good
mojo and happy thoughts . . .
I so know how you feel! Oh my gosh it's absolutely horrible when you are feeling awesome about yourself and are doing fabulously with losing weigjt , even if it's just 10 pounds to start out with, and then, then you get the ignorant pile of donkey shite who says something like 'porky' or 'fatty' or whispers to another person, "Did you see how big she is?" I know because this still happens to me. It's a sad day when society depicts me as some disgusting being too low to even deserve to be in their presence. All's I have to say is you have so much confidence that you exude it! You've made me want to get excited about working out again and let me tell ya, it's been since I gained back 57 pounds that I have been excited like this.
ReplyDeleteThis pretty woman quote runs through my head anytime anyone gives me even the smallest compliment. Maybe if I wasn't so made fun of growing up it would be different. I am gonna make a montage after I lose this "luggage" as I call it and have Kelly Rowland's - Told Y'all as my beat. I put the link below. Thanks again for sharing your journey!!!
http://www.slack-time.com/music-video-2087-Kelly-Rowland-Like-This
(it has nothing to do with weight loss, but I can't wait to show everyone how I am going to "bump like this")
That is great, Mr. T.!! It is so true that people think nothing of making rude comments when they do not know the person's history or personality. I am so glad that my words can inspire you. Knowing that there is at least one other person in the world who "gets it" makes it easier to meet the challenges head on.
ReplyDeleteKeep working! You will be meeting those goals and putting that montage together before you know it!
Time to play catch up..I by no means forgot about you I actually thought of you a lot yesterday and how much you have inspired me.I did so much during the day that by 5 i was whooooped out.I even managed to cut grass and didnt suffer doing it,but boy it was hot!!I think I have only heard you sing a few songs(when Glenn played the ash)but you do have a beautiful voice,ju
ReplyDeletest one more thing to be proud of gf..Sending lots of love your way and prayers for speedy healing <3