Wow. I have not been a faithful traveler on my journey to a new beginning for almost a year. . . but SO much has happened! Weight is still great. I have leveled out and am able to eat and live my new normal without much thought. Sure, I have days when I eat not-so-good-stuff or snack a bit, but those are rare. I have come so far that I do not want to jeopardize anything that could set me back. Detours are expected, learned from, and not allowed to become permanent road blocks.
The PhD is in the final stages. . . dissertation! Data has been collected, and I just ordered a transcription pedal to help the process along more efficiently. My goal is to be finished up in September with everything but the proofing and manuscript final touches. Then, it will be time to pursue the next stage in my career. It seems so surreal that three years ago I was in such a different place . . . this day seemed so far away and distant and "I'll worry about it later." Well, it's later. :-) Definitely have ideas with where and what I want to do . . .doing my best to be patient, focused, and tick boxes.
My new word is "centered." I am working so diligently to make this work my guide. To discuss the change and mental journey that I have experienced over the past year would be impossible. So much of the change is unable to be voiced. It is felt so deep in my core that it physically hurts. I can FEEL the change that has occurred. It is time to make leaps in my life. And the future is so bright that, as the song says, I gotta wear shades! One thing is certain: I cannot go backwards or stay stagnant. I must listen to the voices in my head and the feeling in my gut that are both saying that it is time to reach for my goals. The only thing that is holding me back is fear. Fear of putting myself and my hubs in a bad place, fear of failure, fear of not being able to pay bills, fear that I may not be able to accomplish something. . . .BUT I am more afraid of the what ifs. What if I DON'T try? What is I DON'T give it a shot? I CAN do this. The energy is palpable, and I need to harness it and let it fuel me as I go after what I want.
Of course, the hubs is so supportive, and we talk about where we want to go and how we are going to make it happen. We are on the same page and want the same things. Creativity is such a focus at the moment. . . .singing . . . voice over . . . craft . . . these are loves that I have neglected because so much of my life is work. That has to change. I cannot quiet that creative voice anymore. That is my voice and the one that should be heard the loudest and clearest.
So, with that, I am going to leave this as the last entry to this blog, and continue my journey on a new blog, on a new site, when the time comes. Overwhelming? Yes. Unsettling? Yes. Scary? Yes. . . .
But I have no choice. I have to continue on this journey; I have a map, and the directions are becoming clearer with each day . . . .
Until later. . .
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