Sunday, Sunday

          Happy Sunday!  Today was a pretty good day and I have no complaints.  I have moved on to the Full Liquid/Liquids Only post-op diet after discovering that some of my soreness yesterday was not pain or gas, but hunger.  I was just feeling really uncomfortable and sore late last night, even after taking the pain meds, and none of my liquid options seemed to be doing the trick.  I decided to give some of my cream of broccoli soup a try.  I took three tablespoons, mixed it with some ultra skim milk, and heated it in the microwave for a few minutes.  Then, I strained it to get out any chunks or pieces of broccoli.  It was wonderful!  I felt better and realized that some of those aches were hunger pangs, not soreness.  I had more soup today, and some pudding with protein powder added to it before chilling.  It tasted fabulous, too.  I am not so keen on the jello with protein powder.  The consistency is just too weird.  I will add my protein powder to other foods, but the jello is just going to be straight jello, lol.  I still need to order a few bariatric cookbooks from Barnes & Noble, too, so that I can start to love food and prepare it correctly, rather than looking at it as a chore.

            I took a shower this morning and was wiped out.  I can't believe how much it took out of me.  I had to take a nap before I could start my class work.  I do have a bit of indigestion tonight, I think.  It could just be soreness from sitting at my desk and that darn gassiness.  It is rather uncomfortable, but I keep pushing through it because I really do need to get some of my course work completed.  I may call the doctor on Tuesday to see if there is something that I can take for it.  I know that constipation is a common problem post-surgery due to the pain killers and limited food intake, and I understand that it is a small price to pay for the wonderful changes that lie ahead of me, but if I don’t have to be any more uncomfortable than I already am, it will be worth the call.  I have been using my pedal exerciser, but it hasn’t helped too much.  On the bright side, I am getting exercise in!  

            Can I just say how excited I am to go shopping for new clothes?  I was day dreaming about going to Target and Gabe’s and the mall and Ross’s and. . . .well, you get the picture.  It will be so awesome to buy a belt that I can wear for fun and not because I need to hold my pants up over my belly.  I want to clean out my closet so badly, but my clothes are not big enough yet to get rid of them.  I don’t have plans to go many places at the moment, but I don’t want to get rid of things too early.  I have several pieces of clothing that I have saved from years ago, even though I know that I will want to start fresh, because I loved them and did feel that I looked good in them.  I have tried a few of them on, and I am getting so close to buttoning those jeans!! Another 15 to 20 pounds and I will be able to fit into the outfit that I wore the night that I met Glenn. <3  It will be a good day when I can meet him at the door in it! We might have to go out on the town to celebrate! Or, maybe I will just wear it to a Loyal Hanna show and surprise him. ;-) 

I'm Back!

            Hello, all!  I’m home and ready to continue this journey from the other side now, the after-surgery phase.  I feel good overall; really sore and tired, but that is to be expected.  I can’t complain otherwise. :-)

            Wednesday was a long day, but I don’t remember most of it.  LOL  I checked in and was in the short stay unit until around 9:45.  Here, they put in the IV, checked vitals, gave me the breathing practice instructions for after surgery to avoid pneumonia, and a few other business type things.  Then, I went to the anesthetist to get ready to “go under.”  It was pretty quick after that, lol.  They started the med, and the last thing I remember is hearing the operating team yell out the names of the instruments to be used so that they could record them for the inventory.  I woke up in recovery, and was there for quite a while.  Apparently, I was having trouble waking up and there was not a bed ready for me.  Also, I had a catheter, IV drip, and pulse ox.I went to my room around 4:45 p.m.  My parents visited for a while, and Glenn was able to see me before he left for a meeting.  He came back to tuck me in, and then went home to get some rest himself.  I went to sleep soon after, but the night was very restless and painful.  Every two hours someone is in the room to take your temperature, blood pressure, etc.  The greatest problem was my back.  It hurt fiercely because of my arthritis and being on my back at a 45 degree angle.  At one point I was in tears, but they were the kinds of tears that just happen and cannot be controlled.  At any rate, I took the pain meds whenever possible to try and get through the night.  I knew that I had made the right decision, though, and that this was just part of the journey. 

            Thursday morning Dr. Z. came to visit, told me things went well, and that I was going to be disconnected from everything later in the day.  Also, he said that as long as the day went well, I would go home Friday.  That was great news!  I got cleaned up in the bathroom, which was a challenge with all of the wires and cords hanging everywhere, but I did it.  Then, I had my breakfast of diluted grape juice, decaf tea, and protein jello.  I didn’t finish much of the jello, but “munched” on it throughout the day.   The wires came off, and then I visited with my brother before lunch.  My parents visited while I ate my lunch of diluted cranberry juice, and chicken broth, and after they left, I took a nap.  My in-laws came to visit in the afternoon, and then I had my dinner of beef broth, diluted apple juice, and decaf tea.  In between, I went for several walks up and down the hallway.  My sister-in-law and nephew stopped by for a few minutes, and Glenn came in the evening to watch part of the football game and give me a back rub (He’s so awesome).  Then, it was bed time.  I had begged and begged throughout the day for a heating pad, so I got one.  It helped tremendously and I actually got some sleep. 

            Friday was a long day and began with the same breakfast.  A student nurse was going to help me with a shower, but I told her that I wanted to wait until I got home.  Dr. Z. removed the wound drainage bag, gave me a few instructions, told me that he’d see me on the 10^th, and left to complete my discharge paperwork.  Amanda (student nurse) took my vitals, gave me an IV drip antibiotic (under supervision of her instructor), and then removed my IV.  She was great, and I wish her the best of luck! Then, it was just a matter of waiting for paperwork to go through and having my hubby help me out with my stuff.  He met the escort and me at the front door, and we were homeward bound! 

            Glenn was fabulous, as always.  He set up the desk we bought Tuesday night and got me a new chair so that I would be able to get back to work when ready.  He bought the groceries, got my meds, and did a few other things around the house, too.  I took a nap, showered, and then visited with friends who stopped by to see me.  It was a nice, relaxing return home.  I do have to sleep on the couch, though, because being flat is too painful.  I can use pillows as props while on the couch.  I will have to wait a few more days before I can sleep in my own bed.              

            Today has been pretty relaxing as well.  I woke up and had jello for breakfast.  I tried some broth twice, but it just makes me queasy.  Throughout the day, I’ve had a few popsicles, about four sips of decaf, two bottles of water with Propel mix, and about four sips of a water, ultra skim, and Breakfast Essentials mix.  With the last one, I couldn’t tell if I was uncomfortable because of the milk, gas, or being too full, so I stopped drinking it.  That is one of the things that I will learn as time goes on, according to Dr. Z.; everyone is different so I will have to learn to judge that full feeling for myself as the days pass.  If I do eat or drink too much, it will come up or I will dump -- neither of which would be fun. 

            And, that is pretty much the extent of the last few days.  As I said, I feel pretty good considering everything, and am trying to save the pain medication for the night time so that I can get restful sleep.  I am so excited and ready to move forward in my journey, but I know that I will have to move through the next few months slowly and getting used to my new way of life.  There will be struggles, I am sure, but they will be nothing that I can’t handle.  Tomorrow I hope to tackle some of the PhD class work that I need to complete for this week and last week, and rediscover my loves for reading and cross-stitching.  Wish me luck! 

            Thank you for such wonderful love and support; I am truly blessed to have such great friends and family.  This journey is more rewarding because I am sharing it with all of you. 

             The picture below is of my incisions, just to warn readers.  It is not graphic by any means, but I wanted to prepare folks for what they will see.  I know that people are curious as to what the incisions look like and how big they are, so I am sharing this picture for those people.  We are curious by nature, and if no one is willing to share, then we will never satisfy curiosities. :-) 

My five incision marks; the one with the padding is where the drainage bag was attached.  Dr. Z. removed that on Friday morning before he discharged me.  They are starting to bruise a bit, and the edges have some shirt fuzz, but otherwise the sutures look good. Of course, I am bloated as hell from the gas that they used to puff me up, but that will go away in a few days.  :-)

Five and a Half Hours!

            It is the night before surgery, and I am SOOOOO excited!  Sure, there is a bit of anxiety, but I am so pumped about getting past this step so that I can continue the journey to a new me.  I was planning to get some work finished tonight, but I am not allowed to eat or drink after midnight and actually a bit sleepy.  Plus, I am so ready for tomorrow to get here that I am going to go to bed and sleep away the few hours until I have to be at the hospital.  My time got bumped up, too, so now I report at 7:00 am, and surgery is around 9:00.  I will definitely update everyone, or have Glenn do it for me, so stay-tuned.  I am also going to do my best to keep up with my blog while in the hospital, but that will depend on how I am doing. 

            Today was productive, although I did not get everything accomplished that was on my list.  I am okay about that, though.  We went to Monroeville to buy a desk that was listed on Craig’s list; it is the exact one we looked at when shopping at Office Max about a month ago.  However, we got it for about half price. :-)  Score!  We got a new comforter and sheets at the JC Penney in Monroeville, too, because it is going out of business.  Well, it is moving to a different part of the mall.  They are a deep purple paisley with gold type design.  I love them - so pretty!  I got the house cleaned from top to bottom and set up the gym area in the basement so it is ready to go when I get home.  Laundry is done and put away, too.  There are still several house projects to do and I have to catch up on PhD work, but I will have plenty of time to do that in the hospital since I won’t have the house stuff to distract me, LOL.  In all, I am definitely not feeling as anxious about the to-do list as I have been in the past month and that makes me happy. :-)

            I am sharing a poem that I wrote many years ago entitled "Circling."  It is about being persistent while trying to find your place in the world and not giving up when a "spot" that you thought was the right one, turns out to be the wrong one or the not-so-right one.  It is one of my favorite pieces that I have written.  It is a reminder to not give up when a situation that seemed good turns out to be not good.  It has given me a lot of strength and encouragement over the last few months, so I share it with all of you so that if you find yourself in such a spot, don't be afraid to keep circling -- you will know the right one when you find it.  

            It is almost surreal that this day has arrived.  I have thought for several years that gastric bypass may be a viable option for me, but never pursued it because I did not think that it was covered by insurance.  When I found out that it was, I began this journey with gusto.  Six months ago I started my path to a new me, a healthy me, and here it is - the day of the surgery.  I need to keep reminding myself that it IS real and it IS happening.  I am so grateful to have this opportunity to jump-start my journey.  As I get ready to try and sleep, I go to bed knowing that I am a lucky woman who has an incredible husband, an awesome family, and fantabulous friends.  It is a good day to be me.

            Five and a half hours until check-in!! 

Circling

by Lisa Bompiani

Last night

as I sat sipping coffee

on my porch

I caught a shadow

across the street.

It was a movement

in the darkness,

in the glow of

the flickering bulb

a silent creature circling -

it was my neighbor’s dog.

He turned this way and that

and turned that way and this

upon his worn-in bed

sniffed and pawed

and circled again

sniffed and pawed

and circled again

sniffed and pawed

and circled again.

And I watched.

And I watched.

And I watched.

Each time his spot

was not right,

each time he stood

and went through the ritual

sniff paw circle

sniff paw circle

sniff paw circle -

There was no barking

no growling each time

He searched for that

comfortable spot

where he could settle in,

he knew it was there.

So he sniffed pawed circled 

sniffed pawed circled

sniffed pawed circled.

Last night

as I sat sipping coffee

on my porch,

I wondered if maybe I

just needed to

sniff paw circle

sniff paw circle

sniff paw circle.

I know my spot is out there -

no growling,

no barking.

Just circle again

Just circle again

Just circle again.

Monday, Monday

           Who is down to 225.8?   THIS GIRL!  Not a whole pound, but a loss from yesterday.  I am psyched.  I have noticed that my clothes are feeling looser, too. Talk about the motivation that I needed to pull through these last two days.  I can tell that my pants are a bit looser and the “girls” aren’t as out of control. I don’t feel so uncomfortable when walking or sitting, and when I put on my bathing suit to begin taking down the Intex pool, I noticed that the top of it was not fitting as well.  These were the visible changes that show me how much my efforts have paid off.  :-)  Those of you who have joined me on the road to a new me by beginning your own journeys, hang in there!! You will see results and be rejuvenated by them.  We might have to plan a bus trip to the outlets so that we can shop, shop, shop!

            I had my pre-admission appointment today, and it went well.  The nurse was great and went through all of the details with me.  My blood pressure was exceptional, something like 112 over 69.  That is without meds, by the way. Another victory!  She was able to give me a tentative check-in time and surgery time, too.  Of course, this will be verified Tuesday evening when I get the phone call, but she said that it is what is currently scheduled.  I need to check-in at the hospital at 7:45 Wednesday morning, and my surgery is scheduled for 9:45 - 12:15.  It may be a bit earlier or later and run a bit longer, but those are pretty good estimates. After recovery, I will be in my room for two to three days.  I will be allowed to be up and moving, too.  The Steelers game is Thursday night, so I hope that my roomie likes football, lol.  I am taking my PhD work, too, because it will definitely allow me to do my best to keep up with class work.  I am sure that the time will pass quickly!

            I had a pretty active day - doctor appointment, a few errands, stopped to visit my parents, and then came home to do some yard work.  I didn’t do much extra in the way of exercise, but I worked outside for at least two hours.  I felt a bit worn out and tired afterward, so I decided to take it easy tonight.  I watched TV with the hubby for a bit before moving to the desk to work on the online courses that I am developing for my district.  Very time consuming as I navigate the online course room and figure out how and what each element does, but I am pleased with the results so far.  Tomorrow is another busy one, with a focus on a few things around the house, PhD work, and online classes development. 

            Tomorrow is also the final day before surgery.  Wednesday I take the next great step in my journey.  I cannot explain the excitement and anticipation that I have at the moment.  I feel like a huge weight will be lifted off of my back, and I can breathe again -- literally and figuratively.  I cannot wait to see the progress that I make in the weeks after surgery, and begin “taking back” my life.  I am so glad that all of you are coming along to keep me company. 

Far Away, So Close!

            Woot! Down two more pounds to 226.4! I am so glad that I stuck to my guns and did not cheat at all yesterday.  It has made me more determined than ever to plow through the next two days and reach Wednesday knowing that I followed Dr.’s orders.  I got the chewable iron in the mail yesterday, too, and tried one of the chocolate truffle chews today.  Not bad at all!  All of my supplements are chewable and in fruity or chocolate flavors, so it really does feel like I am eating a piece of candy.  I look forward to them as mini-desserts. 

            A few people have mentioned that they couldn’t figure out how to post comments to the blog site, so I have written step-by-step instructions.  First, click on the title of the post in the right-hand side block entitled “Blog Archive.”  This will refresh the page so that only that post is visible.  Scroll down to the bottom and you will see a comment box.  Type your comment in the box, and when ready to post, click on the black arrow next to the “Comment As” line.  This will give you several options for commenting.  To comment anonymously, choose that option.  To comment with just a name, choose “Name/URL.”  You do not have to enter a URL, simply put your name in the appropriate box and click “Continue.”  Then, after checking that your comment is the way you wish it to be, click on “Publish.”  Let me know if there are still questions. :-)  Thank you for being part of my journey.

            Another step that I am taking in my new journey is to begin learning Italian.  I have wanted to learn the language for as long as I can remember, but there was never an opportunity to do so.  Last summer I purchased two self-teaching books and CD programs, but I have not been able to spend as much time with it as I would like.  Well, the community college is having a continuing education class for Italian I, 10 sessions on Mondays from six to nine.  I am going to sign-up.  The first session is at the end of September, so I will be able to attend.  I am so stoked! I am not worried about being too busy because I have been in productions where I was at rehearsal three to five nights a week, so one night a week at class is not really too much of an inconvenience.  Plus, it is another step toward achieving another goal.  I have always wanted to visit or live in Italy, so this is a step toward that goal, too, because to live there I will learn the language.  It is completely rude of me to think that if I live there, they should only speak English with me.  No way.  I will learn the language and be part of the culture.  I would love to live near the coast and teach in a school or university.  A girl can dream, can’t she?

            I am so proud of myself this evening/morning.  I made ground turkey and veggies for Glenn to take in his lunch and didn’t feel any temptation to sneak a bite!  I just cooked and cleaned up like nothing was different about my eating habits at the moment.  It was so refreshing to feel like I was doing an everyday thing without the everyday stress of overeating.  I also realized that the one package of veggies and one pound of ground turkey would have been one serving for me in the past, but in the future will be probably five or six servings.  And that is okay.  I used to eat like it was the last chance I may have, but I am changing that mindset.  I know that I will be able to eat and get the foods that I want and need.  I do not need to eat it all right now, at this moment.  I am purchasing a cookbook for weight loss surgery patients and going to begin preparing food with a new attitude.  Food is going to be my friend and something to enjoy, not something to conquer and destroy as fast as possible.

            In the words of U2, “Far away, so close!” is how I feel about surgery right now.  It is only two days away, but that seems so far away.  I have enough to keep me focused over the two days, but I hope that it goes as quickly as the other days have gone.

            Until tomorrow.

Four Down, Three to Go!

After a rough night, I have had a much better day!  The wedding was wonderful and it was nice to visit with friends, old and new.  I wasn’t really worried about not being able to eat anything, and it did turn out to be a non-issue.  I brought my shakes with me, and had an Isopure grape drink.  I did drink my champagne for the toast, but I did not have any wine, even though Dr. Z. told me that it would be okay.  Don’t get me wrong, the prime rib, mashed potatoes, pasta, and veggies looked fabulous and everyone said that they tasted great, but I know that food has not been banned from my life forever.  I will be able to dine with others sooner than I think.  I really am excited about training my body and mind and adopting a healthier lifestyle.  It isn’t about denying me anything; it is about learning to appreciate food in a different way.  I brought home some cookies to put in the freezer, and I will enjoy them -- one at a time instead of by the dozen -- on some fall night around my new fire pit.  Also, it felt GREAT to wear the outfit that I haven’t fit into since early 2006.  It was a tangible reward for the hard work and effort that I’ve put into this journey so far. 

            I have been thinking about this past two weeks and the way that I’ve described the anticipation of surgery as that felt when waiting for Christmas morning.  It made me think of Advent calendars that children use during the month before Christmas, opening a date each day and getting a prize.  Maybe I could design a similar calendar for bariatric patients for the two week liquid diet, except instead of candy there could be motivational quotes or funny sayings to keep them on track.  Anyone know how I could make that happen?  It could be used for anyone, really, who was going through a challenge or change.  I have so many good ideas, but no clue as to how to make them come to fruition. If you have any tips, let me know! 

            Tomorrow is a new day and I have a lot to accomplish in the way of homework and the list, but I am feeling better about being able to get it done.  I didn’t do much when I came home from the wedding tonight but watch some HGTV, but I needed to separate myself from my work list for a bit after last night.  It’s now time to get some sleep so that I can wake up to a fresh start for a new day.  Three more days. . . !

Started Strong, but Rough Night

            Whew!  What a crazy day! I went to bed at 7 a.m. and was up at 10:15 to get moving.  Had to get my hair, mani, and pedi done and stop at the post office.  Plus, I wanted to stop at Hallmark to get some Ozzy things, which meant I bought other stuff that I didn’t need, lol.  Target to buy a wedding present for Jena and Tim (and a few other things, lol), and Home Depot to get new garbage cans and my fire pit.  And a few other odds-n-ends for house projects.  Then, I went to Jo-Ann Fabrics to buy materials to make cornices for our new plantation shutters.  And, yep, you guessed it - more stuff I didn’t need.  It was a great feeling to cross so much off of my list, but now I am building another list of things to do with all of the goodies I bought!  Anyone free Sunday, lol? 

            I had to stop taking my medication, as I explained, and I am trying very hard not to be manic about the things that I want to get accomplished before Wednesday.  With the Zoloft, I was able to maintain focus and not get so worried and hyped up about my to-do list and my mind wasn’t racing nonstop.  It doesn’t change me as a person, but it just helped me be a better person.  However, suddenly my laptop won’t connect to the Internet for some reason so I had to use Glenn’s to try and get some work done, but I can’t focus and am upset because I can’t figure out why my laptop doesn’t work but his will.  Then, I started thinking about my buddy Puck and how much I miss that cat.  He was always by my side, no matter what and it is so hard to work at my desk all of the time without his paw on my arm while I am typing.  So now I’m stressed because I am not getting any work completed and I have to go to bed and try to sleep.  Ugh. I hate crying out of frustration.  Makes me feel like an incompetent fool.  Not my best night so far, lol.  

            On a brighter note, one purchase made today was a pair of ankle weights.  I have been doing a great job walking Cira each day, so I thought that I would up the ante by adding 2.5 pound each ankle weights.  It is a step toward working a bit harder to get in shape and be more active.  I can tell that my clothes are starting to get a bit looser, which is motivating me to be a bit more active. 

            Well, my friends, this night has ended on a rough note and I need to try and sleep and start over tomorrow.  Tonight things just overwhelmed me a bit, which I guess should be expected at least once on this journey.  Wish me luck with the computer. . .and only four more days!

My Puck <3