Shopping, and Cooking, and Decorating, Oh My!

            Another long, long day, but a productive one.  I am literally aching and sore all over.  I have been on my feet since 2:30 this afternoon.  I visited with a friend for an hour or so, bought a baby gift at Target (Woo Hoo, Jen and Mike!), and then did the grocery shopping.  As soon as I got home and got everything put away, I made Glenndini some oatmeal cookies.  It is a Weight Watchers recipe, and pretty yummy.  It uses apples and Splenda blend brown sugar.  Then, I put the stuffed mushrooms I bought for him in the oven with some sauce and blue cheese.  Then, I made the pizza casserole from Susan Leach’s book for dinner/lunches for the next couple days.  THEN, I made the spiced pumpkin custard from her book, too.  I haven’t tried one of those yet; however, the pizza bake was really tasty, even without the fennel seed.  Giant Eagle did not have fennel seed, so I will be on the lookout for it in other stores since she claims it really adds to the taste of the meal.  I only ate a scrambled egg with cheese, a small bit of the pizza bake, and sipped on my pumpkin shake from yesterday.  I have been trying to drink water all day, but just don’t have room.  I have to get some more protein in during the day, but it is taking a while to transition to those softer foods without feeling too full, too fast.  If that happens, I don’t want anything. I will have to add protein powder to more of my meals. Gotta keep working on it until I get it right!

            As soon as I was finished with baking, dinner, and clean-up, I decorated the house -- inside and out -- for Halloween.  I love to decorate and I haven’t done it for a few years because of being in a show, having PhD courses, and the house being in various stages of renovation.  This year, I decided that I was going to decorate no matter what.  It was a lot of work and I am whooped, but I am glad that I did it.  I’d like to get a few more pieces, but we will see what I can find that fits in with what I have.  It doesn’t hurt that purple is a Halloweeny color, either. LOL  I didn’t do any extra exercise today, but I feel like the amount of walking and working around the house that I have done is sufficient.  Believe me, my body feels as if I worked out for hours. 

            This morning I was down to 207.4, which was pretty cool, and I tried on a pair of lounging pants that my Mom gave me -- a size 14/16.  Guess what? THEY FIT!  I haven’t worn that size in over 10 years!!!  It was an awesome feeling.  I am going to wear them tomorrow night to my computer training, though, so I didn’t wear them while shopping. My pants kept falling down all day -- it was pretty bad.  I think I need to stop wearing some of my clothes because they are just getting too big.  I did buy a new belt, and it is a bit too small right now.  However, it won’t be long until it fits, and I am sure it will fit by the time I go back to school.  I have a belt to use in the meantime.  Even the shirt that I am wearing now is a 14/16 and it is a bit loose.  It has never been this loose, though, so I am beginning to feel a difference and notice the way that my body is changing. It is good to feel that difference, too, because it is just another spark in the motivation.

            I am kind of nervous to see some of my co-workers tomorrow at the computer training, though.  It will be so weird to see them in my new body.  I mean, most of them have never known me at this weight.  To them, I have always been overweight.  I am excited, but, contrary to popular belief, I don’t like to be the center of attention.  Sure, when I am on stage or performing, but as Lisa, not so much.  I miss my friends, though, so I am looking forward to seeing them.  Wish me luck!

            Well, I am running out of steam, so it is time to close for the day.  Which means, until tomorrow. . . 

Happy One Month to Me!

          Today has gone by so slowly, and I have not felt right all day.  As I told a  friend, I can’t tell whether I’m getting sick, hungry, tired, gassy, or sore from dancing a bit last night.  Ugh.  I didn’t sleep well after getting in late last night/early this morning.  I tend to think that it may be a gall bladder issue, too, from the one honey BBQ boneless wing that I ate for lunch.  I did some work for the Forensic Team all afternoon while watching football -- announcements, typed the district schedule, requests for payments, revised papers and files for the team, planned the first meeting, updated the website, bus request forms. . . .oh my!  It took over six hours, and by the end of those hours, I was feeling pretty yucky.  I didn’t feel like doing anymore work or watching TV or doing dishes or anything, so I went to bed.  I couldn’t really sleep, though, and tossed and turned until around 11:30; I got up and took Cira for a 2-mile walk.  That helped a bit.  I took some Gas X Strips (You were right, Mellissa, they are becoming a good friend!) and then cleaned up the kitchen, took out the garbage, and packed Glenndini’s lunch.  Such an exciting life I lead, haha.  Now, I am at the desk hoping to do a few things and feel better soon so that I can get some sleep.  This is putting a damper on my plan to attempt a “normal” schedule tomorrow. 
            I made a pumpkin protein shake tonight, too.  I wanted to have something in my belly, but nothing too heavy.  It is pretty good, but definitely need to tweak the recipe to have it be more flavorful.  It is the basic recipe from Susan Leach’s site -- ½ cup water, 8 large ice cubes, and a scoop of protein powder.  In my case, it was vanilla powder, but this is the second shake that I’ve made with this vanilla powder that has been so-so.  I can taste the dryness of the powder, if that makes any sense.  I added a ½ cup of pumpkin, a packet of splenda, some pumpkin pie spices, and a dash of sugar-free hazelnut syrup; I don’t have sugar-free vanilla.  It tasted okay, but definitely needs something else to take it over the top.  I munched on a piece of cheese and some turkey lunch meat, too.  Never finished anything, but just munched.  I hate this feeling.  It is so disconcerting in a way and being uncomfortable makes it so hard to focus. 

            Yesterday was a similar day - very slow and just odd feeling.  I did have a good time last night when I went to see the show.  It was a nice way to celebrate my one month post-surgery anniversary.  And, my total lost was 50 pounds on the nose as of yesterday morning.  My clothes are starting to get too big, and even some of the clothes that I have saved over the years because I liked them are now too big.  I guess that I am going to have to breakdown and hit the Goodwill soon.  I know that I have Open House in two weeks, so I will buy something to wear to that, for sure.  Plus, I do need to get clothes to wear to work.

            Last night I actually enjoyed dancing for the first time in awhile.  I felt like I could move without being a big lug on the floor.  I am paying the price a bit today, but it was worth it.  Maybe losing some weight will help my ability to do some of the choreography that always challenges me when I am in a show, LOL.  We shall see. And, it felt really good to see Glenndini with a big smile when he saw me. :-) That was the best part ever. 

            But for now, it is time to close and try to get some well-needed rest.  So, until tomorrow . . .

 

Not sure if the poses interfere, but this is me before and on my one month anniversary of surgery, 9/29/12.

It's Friday!

           Today has been a quick one -- boy, did time fly away!  It started off on a good note, for sure.  I stepped on the scale and I am down to 208.2! WOOOO HOOOOOO!  Good-bye 210s!!! I was more motivated to head to the basement and get on the treadmill after seeing that number.  I watched an episode of House Hunters while walking, and did some intervals of faster-slower while walking to make it more of a cardio exercise.  Also, I used the free weights, but I could definitely feel that more than yesterday, so it must be working, right?  I took Cira for a walk this evening, too.  We did a mile.  So, I walked a total of 2.53 miles today.  Step by step I will get there. 

            Eating has been good today, too.  I had a couple of the meatballs that I made last night for breakfast.  Mind you, they are not huge meatballs.  I got almost two dozen meatballs from a pound of lean ground meat.  I took three of them, mashed them into some sauce and sprinkled some shredded cheese over them before popping them in the microwave for a minute and a half.  They were scrumptious.  And, I have to remember that my eyes are definitely bigger than my head.  I took three meatballs, but only ate two.  Later, I had a wee bit of salmon with a bit of vinaigrette and hummus.  Another small meal consisted of some apple cinnamon BelVita crackers.  They are yummy and if you haven’t tried them - you must! Great snack, satisfy the need for something sweet, and they are nutritious.  I ended the day with some more meatballs prepared the same way.  I tried a protein shake, but it just wasn’t sitting well.  I tried to make a vanilla shake, but I must have put in too much powder or not mixed it enough because I could taste the powder.  It is in the fridge, and I am hoping that it will melt a bit and mix a bit more. 

            The fact that every time I step on the scale I can see a bit of a difference is a huge factor in my ability to see the light at the tunnel.  I knew that surgery would be the tool I needed to jumpstart my motivation to get back to a healthy lifestyle.  At one point today, I thought about still being able to enjoy pizza on Sundays or have a few wings with friends.  Suddenly, food wasn’t such a big deal.  I can have a small bit of pizza and I can have two or three wings.  Everything in moderation, as the advice states.  If I have pizza, then I don’t have another meal that includes many carbs that day.  I can have wings, but I have to watch the sugar and fat content of the sauce so that I don’t “dump”.  Plus, the chicken has to be moist so that it doesn’t get stuck in my pouch or on the way down.  There are a few more things for me to consider when having a meal, but that doesn’t mean that I am going to never be able to socially eat again.  My priorities have shifted, ‘tis all.

            Thank you for listening to me vent the last few days.  I am working hard to cope with the changes that are and will be occurring in my life, and the last week or so has been tough.  There is so much running through my mind and sometimes I just need to get it out in order to start making sense of it all, you know?  Being a writer, getting it out on paper, in words, really helps me to sort through my thoughts and figure out which can stay and which can go.  The last two days have given me a chance to get things off of my chest and begin to think rationally again, and I thank you all for putting up with my thought bubbles bursting.

            And with that, I am going to close for tonight.  Until tomorrow . . .   

Time for Sleep!

            Today has been another exhausting day, but I made it through without a nap.  Bonus!!  I woke up and went to the basement to walk on the treadmill and was met with a wet floor.  The sink drain must have overflowed when I was cleaning yesterday, so I had to move everything out of the way, throw one rug in the trash, and tried to dry out the floor and big rug.  Glenn stopped home and we cut the big rug and threw most of it away, too.  The floor was dried by the time that he had rehearsal tonight, but we will need to get some sort of carpet for the basement so that it will absorb some of the sound.  There were a few issues with sound tonight.  Plus, I gotta take care of my guys. :-)  I can't have them standing on just plain concrete!

            The treadmill went well.  I did some tricep exercises with the three pounds weights while walking.  After 30 minutes, I had walked 1.35 miles.  Not exceptional, but I think that it is pretty good for being two days away from my month anniversary.  I did some chest exercises on the machine, too.  It felt good, but as I was walking the realization hit me that if I want to be sure to exercise, I HAVE to do it in the morning because the evenings get shot to H-E- Double Hockey Sticks so quickly.  It was nice for the four months Glenn and I were getting up and working out -- we got to spend time together every morning.  However, it was so tiring and I pretty much crashed every night when I got home.  That cannot happen because I am going to have PhD work to complete.  I have to make it work somehow.  Losing weight will be much more successful without an exercise regimen.  I emailed a former student who is a personal trainer and he is going to put together some work outs for me that focus on the areas that have the potential for the most sag.  He is awesome like that! So, I am going to think about this new change and figure out a way to make this work. 

            Eating today has been pretty good, too.  I have to say that I cheated tonight.  I was really craving something sweet.  This morning, I made an egg with protein powder, milk, and some cheese for breakfast, but only ate half of it.  Then, I ordered a piece of grilled salmon for dinner while at my meeting and ate not even a fourth of it.  I brought it home and had a bit of it with the egg from earlier.  Then, I wanted something sweet, so while I was packing Glenndini’s lunch and making some meatballs that I can freeze and have readily available, I defrosted one of the cookies from Jena’s and Tim’s wedding in August.  It was perfect.  I was a bit worried about the sugar and fat causing me to “dump”, but I was fine.  And one cookie was perfect.  Boy, how different than before when I would eat cookie after cookie until I was so full that I felt sick.  It felt good to indulge a bit, but know that I have control of the amount of indulgence.  The meatballs smell fabulous, too! I can’t wait to have one for breakfast!

            Well, sleep is creeping up on me, so I am going to close for now.  Another busy one tomorrow.  So until then . . . 

A Case of the Blahs . . .

            Well, I crashed on the couch last night - it was a long day, lol.  I did a bit more painting on the porch, cleaned up the house a bit, went to the MRI, read a bit, and was out like a light.  I have been moving pretty slowly all day, too, and just kind of blah.  Maybe it’s the weather. It’s chilly and rainy and overcast. . . just kind of a blah day.  I am not sure why, but I think that I am simply burned out.  I never take a break from anything because I know that I won’t want to get started again.  And this time is no different, I fear.  I am so tired of being tired, and I know that being tired is not going to change when I go back to work in a few weeks.  It will be back to working “balls to the wall” (excuse the expression) and trying to keep up with everything and all of the things that I have visions of enjoying will go right down the tubes again.  I have got to get out of this selfish phase.  It’s starting to make me really angry because I am really not this type of person. 

            I am starting to get a bit concerned about the amount of time that I am going to have to dedicate to cooking and preparing food, too.  I know that sounds a bit crazy, but Glenn and I are not kitchen folks.  Maybe after we remodel the kitchen we will be, LOL, but with our goofy schedules, we do not always take the time to prepare meals as well or nutritionally as we should prepare them.  That is going to take a considerable amount of time.  I am a bit worried about trying to fit everything in - exercise, work, household chores, PhD, food preparation.  Ugh.  I am getting tired thinking about it.  I am so excited for the future, but think that I may need to get a new job that doesn’t take up so much of my time and energy in order to meet the demands of my new way of life.  In a way, I am being selfish, but selfish with my time.  I don’t want to spend so much time on work or chores or things of that nature.  I want to spend time singing, acting, hanging out with Glenndini, and doing things that we enjoy doing.  Finding a balance is going to be a bigger challenge than actually going through the surgery, I think.  I didn’t expect to be dealing with this type of emotion.  Getting used to thinking about food differently, yes.  Being a bit anxious and hesitant about eating again, yes.  Figuring out how in the hell I am going to afford to buy new clothes, yes.  But not wanting to go back to work because it is impeding on my chance to regain some of my life back and have some of the fun that I’ve put aside because of my weight, no.  Maybe going off of the Zoloft was a bad idea . . .

            Don’t get me wrong. I love my job, I do.  I think that I am just so tired of the overriding belief within society that teachers are not worth their salaries and have no right to expect to be compensated for the time, effort, and money that they invest in not only their educations, but also the educations of every child in the country.  It is so defeating to constantly be told that I “get paid enough” or that “I wish I could make that much a year and only work nine months”.  Seriously.  I wish that I could only work nine months.  I work throughout the summer and, contrary to popular belief, am not paid for that time.  I don’t mind working if people appreciate it.  It’s the huge presence of non-appreciation that is starting to make me wonder in what direction this country is truly headed.  People are more upset about the hockey lock-out and the NFL referees than they are educational issues or other economic plights.  Really?  Why is it okay for those two organizations to be on strike and no one is questioning their motives, but if a teachers’ union or nurses’ union or any other working-class union goes on strike, the country is in an uproar and ready to burn effigies of the horrible offenders?   Grr.  Ugh.  Meh.   

            On a positive note (and before I get even more depressed), I took Cira for a stroll around the top loop of the neighborhood, which I believe is a half mile.  She didn’t pull me or drag me around!! I think that at night there is less for her to be interested in, so she doesn’t become so excited.  I might hold off on the Halti leash for awhile and see if this is a phase or a new way of life for her, too.  Also, Dr. DeJesus called and said that my MRI was good - there are simply fatty deposits in my liver, no holes or masses.  He said that there was some change in my skin because of the bypass surgery and that there was some fluid in my lungs.  I feel fine, though, but I did pick up my breathing exercises again.  I had been slacking on those.  Overall, nothing to worry about as far as the MRI could show.  And, despite the mood described above, I did print the new educational standards and update a unit for my trimester class, revising some things and making sure that the curriculum aligns to the new standards.  Tomorrow, I plan to really crank out some work on the online courses that I am developing.  Like I said, no one is taking them so there is not a big rush, but I need to get a grip on them before it gets too late.  I don’t want to have to kick it into high gear if someone does register.  But for now, I am going to try and get a few winks and give my racing mind a break.  Something has to lift me out of the doldrums soon. . . I hate when I get like this.  So, with a hope for a new day, I will go to bed.

            Until tomorrow. . . 

Better Day :-)

            Today has been a full day, and I am feeling it, for sure.  I did some priming on the porch, and wore a support belt around my stomach. Let me tell you, I can feel that moving around now - I am S-O-R-E.  Then, I went to the doctor’s, came home, had some lunch, and read for a bit.  Finally, I went to see my brother-in-law's acoustic show at Teddy’s.  Had a nice time visiting with friends while there, too.  This was the first day that I did not take a nap, and I am glad that I didn't; however, I can tell that tomorrow is not going to be too exciting.  The energy is just drained.  Tomorrow will be a bit easier of a day, with some desk work and the MRI - fingers crossed that the IV team can find a vein that will work.  Definitely need to take a break tomorrow. 

            The doctor's visit went well and I am feeling a bit better about things.  I weighed myself before I left, and the scale read 209.6.  Being under 210 made me very happy! At his office, I weighed 212.  Meh.  I asked Dr, Z. about my concerns with not losing that much. Since my visit with him 14 days ago, I have only lost 8 pounds according to his record.  He said that as long as the scale goes down, he is not worried.  He told me to keep exercising and watching portions.  If the scale goes up, then he would worry.  So, I am going to try really, really hard to be okay with that and his way of thinking.  As for the bad breath issue, he said that there isn’t much stomach acid to be making any sort of gas in my belly that would be expelled as such, but it could be the diet change and the foods that I am eating.  He told me to monitor it as I start to expand my food choices.  Also, he gave me my back to work note for October 15^th, but is allowing me to work for October 2^nd and Open House.   The second is a computer workshop.  It will be a good transition back to the job, LOL.  Slow and steady, right?   My next appointment with him is December 17^th, so hopefully I can lose some more weight and really be proud to walk into his office at that time.

            Tomorrow I am going to tackle some more tasks for school - job school. LOL.  Lots of things running through my mind about lessons, curriculum, collaboration, etc.  I need to make a few phone calls and work on my online classes.  I hope to knock out a few weeks for each of them, too.  No one has registered for them as of now, so I don’t have to stress about getting them completely done, but I would like to have them ready to go before my PhD courses start in two weeks.  It is a lot to try and accomplish, but I hope to put a dent in it, if nothing else. 

            Well, the time has come to head to bed.  I need to pack Glenndini’s lunch and get some sleep so that I can be up somewhat early and tackle my to-do list.

            Until tomorrow. . . 

No Time To Be This Tired

           Boy, today has been a long day and I have not felt well all day.  I am trying to work up to a full day of activity, but the last few days have just caught up to me.  I fell asleep during the football games and am getting ready to go to bed shortly.  It is not going to be a typical all-nighter for me today.  I have had stomach cramps all day, and eating and drinking have not helped.  I am hoping that it is just gas.  I really think that I have overdone it a bit physically, but there are just too many things to get accomplished and I can’t relax when I am home and know that they need to be done.  Yes, I know that they will be there tomorrow, but that’s the kind of thinking that keeps them on the to-do list.  No one will be here to do them for me, so I need to bite the bullet and get them finished.  I hate how tired I feel all of the time.  I don’t have time to be tired.  Thank goodness I go to the doctor’s tomorrow - I just have too many questions that I need to have answered.  

            Tomorrow is another long day.  I have to get up in the morning and prime the porch so that the wood will not get ruined if it rains.  The porch is coming along! My hubby and father-in-law worked long and hard today to get most of the framing done -- until they ran out of wood. It is going to be awesome!  Glenn found an online company that can make the screens for the top portion of the porch for a little over $200, which is not bad and will save so much time and headache.  It is finally starting to come together. Someday soon I will be able to enjoy the evening on my porch. :-)

            I am coming to terms with the fact that relaxation is not going to occur for the rest of my leave, too.  I am a bit bummed about that because I had visions of reading and cross-stitching, but those are slowly fading and reality is taking over.  I just have too many things to accomplish for school so that I can at least have half of a chance at being able to keep up when I go back, stuff to get ready for speech and debate season, the two online classes to develop that are my internship for my PhD program, and another quarter of PhD classes that will be starting in two weeks.  Needless to say, maybe I will get one book read, but with all of that and keeping up with the house, well, there is no relaxation in my future.  It is really starting to bum me out.  I don’t know why it is so hard for me to just accept that I will never be able to just sit around and do what I want for a day, but sometimes I get so angry. I know that some of the work is because of projects that I undertake, but I am just so tired and burned out.  I didn’t realize how much so until now.  As much as I love my job, I have caught myself wishing for a job where I didn’t have to bring anything home and when I came home, I came home.  Then I could focus on singing and acting and reading and writing and  . . . well, all of the things that I never have time to do because I have to do stuff for work.  I feel so selfish thinking that way; who do I think I am thinking that I deserve that kind of life?  I have to work hard and suck it up like everyone else.  Oh well, no sense in wishing. . . I just have to work really hard to get over it and quit whining.  As Scarlett said, “Tomorrow is another day!”

             So, until tomorrow. . .