I Bought a Coat!!!

           I bought a new winter coat today!!!  Now, to some of you that may not seem like a big deal, but I haven’t had a winter coat in over 10 years.  Being overweight, coats just felt bulky and uncomfortable, so I never wore them.  I had a denim jacket that I wore -- that was it.  Today, I bought a new denim jacket AND a real winter coat!  Another milestone in my journey - buying a winter coat at Walmart, off-the-rack, XL. I wore that coat right outta the store, one because I was so freaking proud of myself, and two, because it was so freaking cold!!!

            Eating today was hit or miss.  I had a couple coffees (Keurig and Starbucks), a bit of the leftover chili, a mozzarella cheese stick, a tiny bit of wedding soup, a cupcake, and a tiny bit of peanut butter.  Odd combinations, I know, but things just haven’t been sitting well with me and I’ve felt really gassy and bloated, so I have to go back and forth to see what I can handle and what I can’t.  It wasn’t the best day, but I don’t feel hungry at all.  I still need to work on drinking more clear liquids, though. I just don’t do it enough.  I did eat two popsicles last night, so that may be a way for me to get some clear liquid into the system, but I just need to step it up a notch as far as that goes. 

            Today I had a phone conference about my internship for my PhD program, and I feel so much better about it!  I revamped it so that I am able to take on more of a leadership role in a few areas at school.  My supervisor and professor were really happy with the ideas, and I am stoked about the whole thing.  It will be a challenge, but a rewarding one that will give me authentic experience for what I want to do in the future.  It would be great if I could be a curriculum director for the district, but that is not going to happen anytime soon, unfortunately.  I definitely need a bit more experience before I am ready to take on that role, and I think that the internship will provide that experience. 

            I also got my tattoo in memory of my kitty, Puck.  I know I sound like a broken record, but damn, do I miss that cat.  It’s perfect, and the perfect memory of him.  I can see it and hold it right to my heart. 

            I didn’t get home until almost 9:00, so unfortunately after unpacking the groceries, paying bills, and taking care of some other household chores, there isn’t much time left for “rel work”.  I will have to pick up the pace tomorrow so that I do not get too far behind this week.  I want to be able to go out and enjoy my hubby’s band Saturday night at the Youngwood Fire Hall.  If you are a local reader, come on out! We can dance to some great music!

            On that note, I am going to close and get some sleep.  Until tomorrow. . . 

Latest "After" Shot, sporting my Halloween gear

My tattoo, You will always be my kitty <3

My buddy was always right by my side, no matter how late into the night I worked.

Back At It

           WOW!  It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, and I thank all of you for your patience and understanding as I was away for my last PhD Colloquium.  It was worth the stress and effort, though, because I have a dissertation topic!!!  WOOT!  Now, I have to finish courses, clinical internship, and comps. . .then it’s dissertation time in July.  Holy moly, it’s hard to believe that two years after starting my PhD program, I will be in the dissertation phase.  The dream is within reach!

            It was such an incredible weekend, too.  I spent some time with old friends and made some new ones.   The emails and Facebook posts have been flying since our returns home, giving each other safety wishes for the storm and encouraging words to keep plugging away toward the goal.  My table -- Becky, Jolie, Hillary, Paul, Stacey, LaShae, and Bernardo -- are people with whom a bond was formed.  Some on a personal, life-long level, and others maybe on more of a professional level, but the connection is there.  It was so rewarding to be with like-minded people and discuss professional ideas, innovations, and possibilities.  It definitely fueled my passion for what I am doing and my aspirations.  The motto for the weekend:  See you at graduation!!!

            It does make my going back to work a bit of a struggle, though.  I have to come to terms with the fact that I have come to the end of my growth in my current position.  Sure, I can make a difference in my classroom and work with colleagues to make changes, but on a district level, on a scholarly level, I have gone as far as I can go.  Although I can’t really move away at this point because I would never take my hubby away from his passion -- the band -- I can start to look elsewhere for places through which I can find fulfillment.  Change is always a bit scary, but it is time for that change to be made.

            Recovery-wise, I had a rough day.  I ate some eggs earlier and they did not go over too well. I had to go back to bed for a bit.  The protein shake that I tried afterwards did not sit too well, either.  I finally had some chili tonight and was able to stay upright.  I think my body is just not ready for the schedule that I keep, but I have no choice.  Life is what it is.  I am not able to stay home longer, and I need to work to keep things going.  I know that it will all work out in the end, but I am having a rocky time right now balancing my desire to get back to a normal routine.

            Weight-wise, things are looking good!  I am down to 194.2!!!  And, this weekend, I wore cool outfits and actually felt like a normal person.  I wore skirts and dresses and jeans and even a stylish green jacket! Oh, and I crossed my legs like a girl when sitting!  I didn’t realize it at first, but at one point while listening to a presenter, I realized that my legs were crossed at the knee, not the ankle.  It’s been years since I could do that! Plus, I spent the weekend with great friends, old and new, went out to eat, and did not feel as if I had to sacrifice anything.  I ordered a wine if I wanted it (although I never finish a glass), fish that was prepared either baked or in a way that I could enjoy, and even dessert.  Of course, I only ate a few bites of the dessert - half at most - but I never felt like I was not able to enjoy myself.  Lunch on Saturday did not go over too well, but I think that it was the way the hotel prepared the fish that did me in.  In all, this weekend demonstrated that I will be able to sustain the changes in my life because they are not preventing me from living.   

            Okey dokey, it is late and I need to get some sleep so that I am not a zombie for Halloween, unintentionally.  ;-)  It is good to be back, for sure.  Until tomorrow . . .

And It Has Begun . . .

            Wow, has this been an incredibly busy and exhausting week.  Good, but my body is definitely having some issues keeping up with my schedule now.  Friday night I went to see the band and had a great time.  Wonderful friends and good music; doesn’t get much better than that.  My friends Greg, Ed, and Sue came, along with two of Sue’s friends, Autumn and Kirsten.  It was so good to have them there to support my Glenndini and to just have a good time. :-)

            Yesterday, I went to get my Oz tattoo.  It is totally ozsome!!  Brian Corley at Unique Ink in Greensburg absolutely rocked it and got it right.  I have an appointment on Halloween to get a tattoo in memory of Puck. I am getting something small on my wrist.  His name and maybe a heart or paw print. Nothing too extravagant, but another way to always have my buddy with me each and every day.  I still miss him like crazy, and every time I think about him I get teary. I miss my Puckaroo something fierce, for sure. 

            After the tattoo, I went to run errands; the first stop was Barnes & Noble, and I ended up wandering through the store looking at everything.  Then, I took my choices to the coffee shop, had a Pumpkin Spice latte  (skim milk, no whip) while I looked through them and made final decisions.  I went to Kohl’s, Target, and Wal-mart to look for clothes and get groceries.  At some point in Barnes and Noble, I realized that I needed to just take some time, be by myself, and do something other than school or PhD work.  I was in what I call a “burn out coma”; they occur when the realization of the amount of work that must be completed is so overwhelming that your brain and body just shuts down for several hours.  I needed to separate myself for a bit and take care of some other things so that I could spend today focusing on my work again. 

            That separation meant that today was all work and no play, though.  Since I didn’t get to bed until around 5:30 this morning, I didn’t wake up until 11:00 woke me up to say good-bye before he left for his show this afternoon.  I ate breakfast, watched a little TV, and got to work.  I finished my replies to discussion posts for PhD work, updated my teacher website, did lesson plans and answer keys for the week, read some for PhD work, and then had to take a bit of a nap because I was head bobbing at the desk.  During the Steelers game, I reworked my internship proposal so that it could be resubmitted for this week’s assignment.   Of course, I had to stop a few times to eat, take Cira out, clean the tattoo, etc., but it really has been a work-filled day.  I am slow going at it though, and that is so frustrating!  I hate that it takes me so long to accomplish things.  I know that I am doing my best and want to put my best into everything, but sometimes I feel like I am the slowest person on earth when it comes to work. 

            Well, it is time to go to bed and try to get some sleep. It will be a long day tomorrow, but I may be able to get a nap in when I get home before I hit the books again.  I will be out of town for a PhD Colloquium from Wednesday late until Sunday evening, so I want to be as productive as possible tomorrow and Tuesday.  Wish me luck!

            Until tomorrow. . . 

Almost Friday!

        Well, I made it through the first week! I am utterly worn out, exhausted, but it will feel great to have a full week under my belt after tomorrow.  The kids have been great so far, and it really doesn't feel like I have been gone that long. But it is definitely busy, busy, busy, as expected.  Yesterday was a rough day. I woke up and did not feel too swift from the get-go because Monday and Tuesday were both late nights.  I couldn't even get my contacts in -- my eyes just wouldn't let me put them in. I ended up getting sick after eating some egg whites for lunch, and just never felt right the rest of the day.  
       Today was a much better day.  I had some sliced turkey and a cheese stick for breakfast/lunch, my morning coffee, three pieces of sugar free licorice, two and a half veggie "nuggets" with some mango salsa, one of the ice cream mini-sandwiches, and two BelVita crackers/cookies.  I have been getting in a lot of fluid today, too, which is good.  I know that I need to focus on getting more to drink.  
        I stopped at the YWCA Thrift Store after school today and bought a few things to wear.  I was pretty happy.  It took me an hour and a half to look through everything, try clothes on, and purchase.  I was so tired of putting clothes on and taking them off by the end of that time, though.  It was nice to be buying up those smaller sizes, but the time that it takes to shop is crazy.  I do need to get a few more tops, though, so that I really can switch things up a bit.  I don't want to be wearing the same five outfits each week, LOL.  I got home and did a bit of work while the band practiced.  Now, I am getting ready to get to sleep. I am falling asleep while I type . . . .
        Overall, I am feeling pretty good.  Exercise is not going well this week, but I am going to try an be okay with that at the moment because I am trying to get ready to being back to work and my crazy schedule.  I seem to have hit a slump, and have wavered between 199.8 and 200 for a few days.  I have been uber-stressed about my PhD work this week, so I am sure that hasn't helped too much.  I am still not on any meds, which is what I want, even though a kick of Zoloft would probably do me some good right now. I am still determined to get through this without and meds and with everything doing well. 
       And, with that, I must end.  I have just nodded off while typing.  Oops. :-) 
       Until tomorrow. . . 

Whew, I'm Tuckered Out. . .

             Today was pretty good, and I made it through the day pretty nicely.  Mammogram after school, home, quick dinner, power nap, and back up at 8:30 so that I could move to the desk and get to work.  It was a nice little power nap, but it definitely means that I was up later than I should have been tonight.

            So, I have hit the under 200 mark! I have been at 199.8 for a couple of days.  That is so freakin’ awesome.  I have not been under 200 pounds in ten years.  TEN YEARS!!!  It is a fabulous feeling, and definitely adds to the motivation factor.  I am hoping to hit the YWCA Thrift Shop in Greensburg Thursday evening so that I can pick up a few more things to wear; I know that I will be in this size for a month or so, and I don’t want to be wearing the same thing every day, LOL.  Plus, I won’t be able to do laundry at Colloquia next week and I want to have some comfy clothes to wear, not all so much dress clothes. 

            Food-wise, today was okay.  Better than yesterday.  I had my morning coffee and a cheese stick, sipped on my water all day, ate some leftover chicken for lunch, had the rest of the BelVita pack from yesterday, finished the leftover chicken for dinner, and had a few bites of egg whites.  Another coffee, too, but I am trying to bust out PhD work and it was a necessity. The amount of chicken I ate in both meals equaled about the size of ¾ of a Ho-Ho.  It was yummy with the ricotta and sauce, and doesn’t make me miss the pasta too much. 

            Exercise has not happened too much this past week because I am simply trying to get through the days at this point.  I am up and moving around a lot more than I have been, so hopefully that is a good thing for now.  I need to get back to a semi-normal routine so that I can figure out how in the heck that I am going to fit it in with everything else.  For those of you on the journey, too, we can do this. . . .we just have to keep plugging on and figure it out as we go.  But with us cheering one another on, we will definitely meet the challenges!!

            Until tomorrow. . . . 

Welcome Back!

            Wow, today was a long day!  I got home from my first day back to school around 5:30, changed into comfy clothes, tried to eat some dinner but it wasn’t sitting too well, and crashed on the couch until around 9:45.  Drool on the pillow and everything.  I am wiped out, but I have to do some PhD work and get some things ready for tomorrow.  Hopefully, I can get to bed around 1:00 - 1:30. 

            I have a doctor appointment after school tomorrow, so I need to scoot out of the building really fast. Ugh. That is never fun.  It is so hard to leave on time because it takes a few minutes to get things ready for the next day.  I hate walking into my room without things ready to go.  I hate that about anything, really.  Waking up to dishes being done or the living room being disheveled . . . it just makes my day feel like it is already off to a rocky start.  When I get home in the evening, I need to make a much better effort to not crash on the couch so that I can get some work completed.  I know that it will take a bit of time to adjust to a new schedule with a new body chemistry, but I don’t want it to take too long.  I want to get out of the rut of Work-Nap-Work-Sleep-Work, etc.  I would like to be able to sleep like a normal person so that I can inject a bit of enjoyment into my evenings. 

            Work went well today.  It was good to see so many wonderful friends who are genuinely happy for me and the changes that I am making.  I didn’t eat too much today, though.  My stomach just wasn’t happy.  Of course, it could be the cramps. Who knows.  I ate a few bites of cottage cheese with pureed pears, a cheese stick, one bite of left over scallops, a few bites of sugar-free pudding with protein powder, a BelVita cracker, a few bites of chicken with ricotta and sauce, a few pizza bites, a Weight Watchers mini iced cream sandwich, and a piece of sugar-free Twizzler.  Now, mind you, a few bites for me is using a baby spoon. Literally about ¼ of a teaspoon.  I might have to go back to some softer foods for a bit until I adjust to the new schedule.  The ice cream and pudding were so much easier to digest and felt good in my belly, but nothing else was like that which is why I had a bite of this and a bite of that.  Everything together probably added up to the size of one chicken breast -- even though it sounds like I ate a ton.  Got in all of the vitamins, too.  I didn’t get much water in today, either, but I sipped and sipped all day long.  Real coffee in the morning, two decafs throughout the day, and my Nalgene with me at all times. :-) Overall, not the best day as far as eating is concerned, but it ended better than it began. 

            Work went well, too. I had a few moments in the middle of the day where I was so glad to have Katie (my sub) with me because she was able to take over and I could have a bit of a break.  I was dizzy a bit in the afternoon, too, but I am sure that is because I was moving around and not able to eat or drink as much as I wanted to do throughout the day.  I was able to get through the Forensic practice, too, and there was a big group of kids there, so I am hoping that it stays that way.  It is tons more work, but tons more fun to have a lot of kids involved, as opposed to one or two. Actually makes it more of a team and competitive atmosphere.  The kids seemed to be pretty good, too, and a few classes I can tell will be a lot of great discussion. So, I am back in the saddle again. . . feels like I never left, in a way.

            Time to get to bed and try this sleeping thing again. Until tomorrow. . . .   

Full Day with Another on Deck. . .

        Another busy couple of days, with more busy days ahead!  Last night I returned from Open House and   was simply exhausted.  I checked my email, ate a small snack, and went directly to bed.  I had a hard time keeping my eyes open by the time I crawled into bed.  Open House went well, which was expected.  It's such a quick evening, and by the time you get started, each 10 minute period is over.  I got to school around 3:20 - right when the busses were leaving and did see a few kids.  It was good to see them.  A student stayed after to help me switch out back-to-school decorations to Halloween decorations, and I put away the things that I had brought to school.  After an hour, it felt as if I'd never left.  Just like that. I am not certain that I am completely ready to go back, but I am at least ready to go back for Monday.  Tomorrow I will type up my lesson plans and be ready to go on Monday.
        Today was another busy day, for sure.  I woke up and spent two hours -- yes, two hours -- going through the stack of mail that I brought home with me from school.  Ugh. Then, it was some paperwork for Capella and PhD course work.  Next was actual PhD homework.  Cleaned the car, did some laundry, then got ready to go with a friend to another friend's show.  Dinner was yummy!  I had grilled tilapia with crab and shrimp and a glass of wine.  Well, I drank 2/3 of the wine and brought home the veggies, potatoes, and over half of the fish.  It will be a nice meal or two or three, LOL, for tomorrow.  In the morning, the repair folks are supposed to be here in the morning to check out the stove, and then I need to go out and do some serious shopping. Groceries, for sure, but I need to get some more clothes.  I definitely need more than the one pair of pants that I have right now.  I am a bit nervous about shopping, though, because it is going to take quite a while.  I hope to hit a few thrift stores tomorrow, instead of just retail.  Wish me luck!
         I will say that it has felt fabulous to be wearing my new size 14 pants the last two days.  I found a pair of black pants and a pair of jeans at Macy's that are really comfortable.  Of course, they were on clearance and I probably won't find them again, LOL, but I will need new sizes in a month or so anyway.  I don't want to wear my bigger clothes anymore after wearing the ones that fit.  It would be like going backwards!  It helps me see the progress that I have made, absolutely.  I noticed Wednesday night at the Ferguson show and tonight at the theater that I fit into the seats easier, too.  I wasn't cramped, and I didn't feel as if I was a sausage stuffed into a too-small casing.  It was a wonderful feeling and was another key to my recognizing my progress.
         The time has come to end for the night and get some sleep for another big day tomorrow.  Date night with Glenndini is tomorrow, too.  Going to dinner and to sing some karaoke. :-)
        Until tomorrow. . .